I think I'm in love. I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I guess I can't really call it love. I really don't know her that well, though we've talked enough that I feel like we both know each other at least fairly well. She's an awesome young lady. She's very beautiful, funny, caring, God-fearing...she's in many ways exactly the type of person I'm looking for. As usual, though, there is a problem. I'm old enough to be her father.
As I said, I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I went through this same thing about six months ago. It's starting to get pathetic. I guess I need to widen my circle of contacts. I already know that there's no way a relationship will work for us. No matter how I feel about her, I know that I don't want to be a father again. That may be unfair, but it's the truth. I'm already looking ahead at where my life will be within the next 15 or so years. My own daughter will likely be finishing up college and I'll be ready for retirement. I don't anticipate raising a child at that time in my life. Besides, I'll be over the hill. I'm pretty sure someone in their 20s is going to want to be a mom.
I know I shouldn't be looking at her as a marriage partner when I don't even know for sure we'd be a good match, nor have we even gone out on a date. I tend to be a fairly good judge of character and I do know that she would make a great companion. And I can fantasize about what life could be like with her, just as I know it can't work out for us. On top of that, I'm only speculating that she would be interested in a guy like me. In typical "typical guy" fashion, I've already assumed that she would go for me, but the truth is there's really no reason why she would be interested in me. I've already established that I'm in about the worst shape of my life, I'm suffering from a whole host of medical issues associated with an aging guy in his forties, and, frankly, I've got a lot of baggage. Plus, I'm a father already. I'm a package deal. That's a lot to take on.
So why am I even bringing this up? Good question. One thing that I wanted to address is the fact that society just doesn't seem to approve of relationships between couples with very large age differences. Those May-December romances don't tend to work out. There are so many reasons for this, from generational differences and life experiences to health issues and sexual chemistry. I also know that, as a father, I sure would find it difficult if someone my age showed an interest in my daughter (assuming she was over 21). I'd probably be offended and I'd do everything I could to talk her out of the relationship. Society also tends to look at these types of relationships as creepy. Guys my age shouldn't be eyeing women that young, even though it seems to happen all the time. In fact, it's not like I'm married. She's single. I'm single. That's all that matters, right? But as a Christ-follower, though, shouldn't I know better? Isn't this inherently wrong? As much as I wish it wasn't, it really is. And I do know better.
So what's next? I stop carrying a torch for this young women, first of all. Next, I go back to looking for a companion closer to my age. As I said before, it's fun to fantasize and speculate that we might be a great match, but I need to stay in reality. And I need to trust God. He has a plan for me. I know that. As usual, though, I just need to have patience. That's the hardest thing. I had such a great marriage, but it has now been almost 10 years since my wife passed away. How long will God make me wait? I just don't know. That's why He is who He is. So that's what I'll do. Trust Him.
Have a wonderful evening, everyone!
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