I Hate Online Dating

So I decided to give online dating another try.  I'm not desperate, but I was encouraged by my boss and a few other people in my office to re-visit it, but on a different site than the ones I've tried before.  So, I started praying about it and, last week, I signed up with Christian Mingle.

Almost immediately, I was sent a message from someone who did not have a picture attached to their profile. Experience has shone me that individuals who don't have a picture generally don't look like the person described in their profile.  I was intrigued enough by the message to notice that they had a link attached to their profile that said to click on it to see their picture.  So I did.  It took me back to the login screen for the website.  I thought that this was a little strange, especially after I attempted to login and it didn't work.  So I just closed it out and began to explore the site for prospective dates.  Shortly, though, I got an email from Christian Mingle asking if I had changed my email address.  I went back to my profile and noticed that my pictures were gone, much of my information had changed, and it became clear that my profile had been hijacked.  Likely by the picture-less individual who had initially contacted me.  I called the Christian Mingle help line, which I really didn't want to do (bad enough I'm on a dating site, but now I had to actually talk to a live human being who would know what I wrote and posted about myself.  I could only imagine that person thinking, "What a loser...").  Well, "Jason" confirmed that my profile was hijacked, and told me how to fix it, which was to basically start over with a whole new profile.  Wonderful.

So I've been on this site for a week and I've already learned a few things.  First of all, I'm seeing many of the same faces I saw on Match.com and on eHarmony.  These are the same women that I've already rejected, or who rejected me.  Oh, there were lots of others, too, but this was just one of the things I noticed.  Second, I started getting "Smiles" (similar to "Winks" on other sites) emailed to me.  Unfortunately, 100% of these smiles were from women who, for whatever reason, neglected to read all the way through my profile to find out what kind of date I was looking for, since none of them matched my preferences.  At all.  Not even close.  The biggest offenders were those who were well outside my age preference.  I'm 43, and many of these women were in their 50s and 60s.  I even got one from a 78 year old!  I also requested that they at least live within 50 miles of my home town.  I continue to get smiles and messages from women well outside this 50 mile limit.  Florida.  Louisiana.  Michigan.  Massachusetts.  Even California!  What really gets me is that I don't even fit THEIR preferences!  I'm pretty good at geography.  Maryland isn't within 50 miles of Los Angeles or Miami.

Then there are the women who, once I've gently and kindly rejected them, send me a return message and want to know why I'm rejecting them.  It's hard enough to have to reject anyone, and keep in mind these are people who I have no relationship with other than them contacting me to let me know they're interested in me.  I don't really owe them anything.  Why is this so important for them to know?  So I've been truthful in my replies. "You don't fit my profile preferences. And it appears that I don't fit yours, either.  I'm guessing that means we aren't a good match."

The biggest issue I have with these sites (and, really, the issue is with the women on the sites, not the sites themselves) is that the women that I have an interest in and send messages to NEVER reply!  I've learned that I have to be proactive and initiate contact, especially since I and most Christians understand that men need to be the initiators.  I'm a bit old fashioned anyway, so I get it.  I also know that I'm not necessarily the best catch out there.  I know I'm not hideous looking, and I'm not the most out-going guy around, but I know I'm at least above average in intelligence and I've got a great career.  I'm a fairly nice guy.  But I haven't gotten one reply yet to the nine messages I've sent out.

Anyway, I've taken to documenting some of my frustrations on Twitter, and I'll share a few of my tweets at the end of this entry.  If you care to offer advice, or encouragement, please feel free to comment.  I'd appreciate prayers most of all.  Thank you!

Went on a lunch blind date recently. Good time, ended well. Got back to the office & she had already sent me an It's Not You It's Me email.

"It's not you, it's me" really means "It's you."

Hate hate hate online dating.... but I just signed up. Soliciting advice. May need references. Hope my luck will change. Trusting God, too.

I think I'm too old for this dating stuff. In fact, I'm finding out I'm too old for a LOT of stuff. #SlightyOutOfShapeMiddleAgedDad

Wow, do I hate online dating. #AreYouSureYouReadMyProfile?#HateToBeSoPickyBut,,,#NOTHINGInCommonSoWhyDidYouContactMe? #YouLiveWhere?

A 78 year old woman "smiled" at me. #OnlineDating#AreYouKiddingMe!?! #AlmostDoubleMyAge

Should I be at all concerned that women in their mid-60s & 70s are checking out my profile? #HateOnlineDating

Well, it's a step in the right direction... latest connections are at least in their late 40s/early 50s. Still #HateOnlineDating

So by ignoring my preferences, are these women just hoping I'll come around or should I be taking a chance on older women?#HateOnlineDating

Amazing how many people take pics of themselves in their bathroom mirror. #HateOnlineDating

Age & distance preferences don't seem to matter much to some women looking for a date, I guess. #HateOnlineDating

I'm not looking for perfection, but I'm certainly not desperate, either. Where are the ones who are perfect for me? #HateOnlineDating

I know I'm not necessarily a great catch, but why is it the only women who are interested in me don't interest me?#HateOnlineDating

I hope these women know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm just not the beholder that's finding their beauty.#HateOnlineDating

Teresa Goes to be with the Lord

Monday, April 19, 2004, seemed like any other day. I awoke early, got ready, walked and fed Scout, our Maltese Pup, and kissed and said goodbye to my wonderful wife, Teresa, before heading to work. I had a short phone conversation around 9 or so that morning with Teresa, though I don’t remember much about it. She later sent an email containing digital pictures of Melody, which she sent to me, and our parents, daily.

During my trip home, I called Teresa via cell phone and we decided I would stop at the grocery store and pick up stuff for grilling out for dinner that evening. After stopping there, I came home. Homecomings were always exciting since Teresa looked forward to me helping out with Melody and Scout, I looked forward to seeing my wonderful wife after a long day at the office, and Scout always seemed excited to see me no matter how long I was gone. Melody had reached the age, at 5 months, where she knew me when she saw me, and she gave me a big smile when I arrived home.

After settling in, changing clothes, etc., and talking about how our days went, we proceeded to get dinner prepared. Teresa shucked corn on the cob; I got the burgers and hot dogs ready, and started the grill. Melody watched us work around her. It was a fine meal, one that was repeated often when the weather was nice. It was a beautiful day, too, with humidity at a comfortable level despite the warm temperatures.

After our meal, Teresa went upstairs to clean up while I watched Melody. I determined that it was much too nice of an evening to work in the yard, which is what I had planned to do for the evening. I had put it off for so long, but knowing our homeowners association would be doing their annual reviews soon, I knew it had to be done. I came up with an alternate plan for the evening, though, and took Melody upstairs with me to tell Teresa. We decided to take Melody and Scout out and get some ice cream, then go to a park and walk around and enjoy the nice weather.

We piled into our Jeep and headed down the road at around 6:45. About 2 miles later, we remembered that we forgot to get the “Snuggly” to carry Melody in, so we rushed back to the house to get it. It was in the other car, so I just hopped out, retrieved it, and we headed back down the road.

We drove up Gorman Road towards US 29, a rural, twisting, and bumpy road. I remember turning to look at Teresa, sitting in the back seat, with Melody in her infant seat and Scout on her lap, after a particularly bad bump, and asking her if she was okay. She said she felt a little nauseous, so I slowed a bit. I don’t know why I was in such a hurry, except that we noticed the clouds rolling in and our daylight wouldn’t last as long as we thought.

We stopped at a popular little ice cream shop in Clarksville. Teresa stayed in the Jeep with the kids, and I hopped in line. I got Teresa a waffle cone with chocolate ice cream, and I had a mint chocolate chip milkshake. Both were very messy and I asked for a cup to put the cone in. I got back into the Jeep and Teresa enjoyed her ice cream. My shake was too thick to drink, so I placed it in the cup holder to allow it to melt a little.

We decided at this point to drive to Reservoir High School, where Teresa worked, instead of going to a park, because it was getting dark, and we figured there might be a sporting event at the school that we could watch. I drove us down Rt. 108 to Rt. 216 to the school in Fulton.

I parked on the left side of the school, and we proceeded to try to put Melody in the Snuggly, which I wore since Teresa said Melody was getting too heavy for her to carry. This was a bit of a challenge because Melody would fuss until she was comfortably in the Snuggly and we were walking around. We accomplished this and Teresa got Scout’s leash and walked her.

We saw some activity on a few of the fields, so the four of us walked over to see what was going on. It appeared to be softball practice, perhaps, and soccer practice, though the kids playing looked much younger than high school age. We turned around and walked to the front of the school. Teresa had noticed that Addie’s car was out front. Addie was the principal and Teresa’s boss. We thought, if she wasn’t busy, she might like to see Melody.

We walked to the main entrance to try the door, but it was locked. We started back towards the parking lot, and Teresa noticed the light was on in Addie’s office, so I suggested she knock on her window. Teresa walked over to the window with Scout, while I stayed out on the sidewalk with Melody so that Addie would see me if she came to the window. Addie might not see Teresa because of the angle she was at, between the bushes and the building. Teresa asked, with a smile on her face, if I thought she should knock, since, I think, she thought Addie might be busy or with someone, but I said, egging her on, “Sure.” I looked down and to the side for just a moment, possibly to see if anyone else was around, and when I looked back at Teresa, she had collapsed on the ground. Not knowing what happened, I rushed over to her. I thought, initially, that she had tripped on the bushes, or maybe hit her head on the brick wall. I knelt beside her and looked at her face. Her eyes were staring blankly straight ahead, and she wasn’t breathing, though she let out long gasps every few seconds. Her eyes began to glaze over and slowly close. I knew something was terribly wrong.

Addie opened the window and I asked her to call 911, and to see if anyone knew CPR. Melody, still strapped to my stomach, began to cry. Scout was standing beside us, but Teresa lay on top of her leash, so she couldn’t go anywhere. I kept talking to Teresa, telling her to wake up, and even smacked her cheeks lightly, thinking that might bring her to consciousness. Addie ran out of the building, handed her cell phone to me so I could talk to the 911 operator, and she took Melody out of the Snuggly so that I could give my full attention to Teresa. I was afraid to move Teresa because I didn’t know what happened to her, thinking she maybe had hit her head or something. The operator began to ask many questions and talk me through CPR. At that moment, a lady came running up and said she knew CPR, and she began administering it on Teresa (I later found out she was a nurse). The operator continued to talk to me and told me to encourage her to continue administering CPR. I remember looking up the sidewalk and seeing Addie trying to comfort Melody, who was crying quite loudly.

It seemed to take forever, but the paramedics finally arrived. I hung up the phone with the operator and the paramedics quickly moved Teresa over to the sidewalk. One paramedic expressed his displeasure after getting tangled in Scout’s leash and yelled at me, and I yelled right back that Teresa had fallen on top of the leash and we couldn’t get it out of the way until she was moved. He seemed to understand and changed his tune.

I watched as the paramedics shocked Teresa a couple of times with the defibrillators before a police officer asked me to step inside the school. A crowd had gathered by this time, including much of the school’s custodial staff and some students, as well as other passersby. One of the custodians took care of Scout for me.

I tried calling my parents on my cell phone, but there was no answer. I left a message and tried calling the Shirlens. They weren’t home either. The police began asking me questions about what had happened and I tried to answer them as well as I could. I kept looking outside to see what was going on, but I couldn’t see Teresa over the crowd. I was bothered that they had not taken her to the hospital yet. I felt this numbing tingle in my stomach and mid-section, much like when your foot falls asleep. I started to hyperventilate, but I tried to keep my wits about me.

The paramedics finally placed Teresa in the ambulance, and I gave Addie my phone list and told her to keep trying to call my parents and the Shirlens. I also gave her the keys to the Jeep and told her Melody’s diaper bag was in it. I left Melody and Scout with her and rode with a police officer behind the ambulance to Howard County General Hospital. I remember being puzzled that the ambulance was not going faster to the Hospital, but I kept holding out hope that everything would be fine. In fact, I was concerned about feeding Melody because Teresa might have to stay in the hospital for a few days.

My cell phone rang and it was Teresa’s mom, Lynda. She was very upset and I tried to tell her what happened. I don’t remember much of the conversation except that Jim, Teresa’s dad, got on the phone and I talked to him, too. They were on their way to the hospital.

I asked the police officer if he was a Christian. He said he was Catholic. I asked him to pray.

The officer parked on the side of the building next to the ambulance bays and I jumped out and started towards the ambulance. He stopped me, though, and went ahead to find out what was going on. They didn’t seem to want me to see her. I thought maybe she had a lot of wires and tubes connected to her and maybe that’s why they didn’t want me to see her. He then led me around to the main ER entrance. He said I should wait there while he talked to the desk nurse. I remember looking around and noticing a lot of people looking at me, but also thinking that I shouldn’t have to wait there because Teresa was already inside.

A few minutes later, he led me to a little room just off of the main ER. He asked me to wait there, and then asked if I needed anything to drink. I said, “Water,” and he left. I looked around the little room, with its little round table, several chairs, and little couches, and a Bible in the middle of the table. I began to panic, figuring this was the type of room where they give you bad news. I picked up the Bible and read a few verses, and I prayed to God that Teresa would be all right. I was still very panicked, so I tried calling my parents cell phone and reached my Mom. I think she could tell I was panicked because she immediately tried to comfort me. I don’t remember much of the conversation except that they were headed to the school to get Melody and Dad would then come to the hospital.

The officer brought a cup of water and asked if I needed anything else. I needed to use the rest room, so he led me back out to the main waiting room. Afterwards, I quickly rushed back to the little room hoping someone would give me more information. A hospital administrator came in and asked a lot of personal questions about Teresa and I gave her our insurance card. The officer came back and I asked him if someone could give me more information about what was happening. He left to find someone. Eventually, a man and a woman came in. The man was a doctor, the woman a hospital employee, from what I could tell. The doctor explained that, when Teresa arrived, the paramedics had been working on her for some time, but there was nothing they could do, that Teresa had passed away. I was in disbelief. My hope had evaporated, and all I could think about was poor Melody losing her mother at such an early age. The tears came and I began sobbing. The woman tried to comfort me, but I was pretty upset.

Then I heard an anguished scream from outside the door. It was Lynda. She rushed in and we tried to comfort each other. Jim came in a few minutes later. We tried to piece together what had happened as reality began to really hit home. After a few minutes, we asked if we could see Teresa, and we were led into the main ER room. They had closed the door to her room/bed, and we could only see her from a distance through the glass. They said that the police were still investigating and we couldn’t go in.

Carol and Marty A. came in around this time, followed shortly by Aunt Jody and my brother, Darren. Darren didn’t know she had died (actually, nobody did, and the news hit each one pretty hard as they found out), and he gave me a long, comforting, supportive hug, as did Jody. Many more began to show up: my parents, Jerry, Janice, Josh, Lauren, and Fred. Carol and Marty left to help with Melody at the school. Lynda and I sat outside Teresa’s room hoping for an opportunity to go in and be with her. The doctors and police wouldn’t let us, though. We went back to the little room to talk. Josh prayed. Nobody could believe this had really happened.

A little later, the detective assigned to the case called me into another little room and he explained that they would have to take Teresa’s body to the state morgue in Baltimore, and the medical examiner would do an autopsy. I asked if we could see her before they left, and he said we could not. He gave me Teresa’s shoes and her wedding band, the only jewelry she wore that evening. He gave me his contact information and offered his condolences.

I rejoined the family and we talked some more. Then we proceeded to the cars and everyone came back to our house. I rode with Jody and Fred. When we arrived, Ray and Margret were waiting for us. Gorham, our neighbor and a substitute teacher at the school, informed a few neighbors about what had happened. Addie had already called the entire school staff.

Shortly, Addie, Carol, and some other teachers came by with Melody, Scout, and our Jeep.

We all sat around and talked for a long time, well into the night.

I remember receiving a phone call at around 1:30 a.m. from the organ donor program. I was particularly upset that they would call at that hour. It seemed very insensitive to me.

Everyone went home a short time later. Mom & Dad stayed with me to help with Melody and Scout. I went to bed at around 2 or so.

I didn’t sleep much. I remember getting up to use the bathroom 3 or 4 times during the night. I know I was in shock. I certainly wasn’t rational. I couldn’t imagine what the next day would be like, or hour. I was completely overwhelmed by everything. And I kept visualizing what happened, over and over again, in my head. Every time I started to think about her really being gone, I got very nauseous. How could this happen? I remember looking at her side of the bed and thinking, we slept apart only 7 or 8 times, maybe, during our entire marriage! I felt so alone.

I got up around 6 or so. I knew today would be a hard day, as the task of letting people know what happened would take place. I remember first calling work and telling Donna, who was my supervisor a few years ago, and who would be one of the first people at work, what happened. That was a very hard call to make, and I know Donna was very upset over the news. She promised to let people know and that every thing would be taken care of at work, that I shouldn’t worry about anything. (I remember telling her that Brownsville Sectional was scheduled to go to the contractor that morning and was sitting on my desk, and that someone should move it to the pick-up area, and she told me to stop thinking about work.)

Melody awoke and seemed to take to the bottle very well. We had about 10 bags of breast milk that Teresa had pumped over the last few weeks, and we treated it like gold. We had given Melody a bottle a few times before, so it wasn’t a huge adjustment. We were more worried about her taking formula. She seemed oblivious to the turmoil we were feeling. Mom & Dad were so supportive. Scout seemed to sense something was wrong, and in the days ahead, she went into a bit of a depression.

Jim & Lynda came back over. I know there were other visitors, as well, including Linda H., who would provide so much support over the next few weeks, answering phones and bringing food.

I think I must have been in a daze, still, as I don’t really remember much else. I talked to the organ donor people for a very long time. They needed a complete medical history. Teresa was a donor and we agreed to go through with it. The person that called the night before was with a research organization that studied brain disorders, different than the “official” organ donation organization, and a second representative called to give me more information. They wanted a “healthy” brain to study. I was still upset by their phone call the night before and declined.

I remembered that my milkshake was still in the Jeep, obviously melted and certainly not very tasty anymore. Fortunately, it did not cause the car to stink.

Food began to arrive by the box full. And many visitors stopped by. Kristen and Elizabeth came by. Pastor Mark, from Grace Community Church, the church Teresa and I were attending, called and came by in the afternoon. We began thinking about and planning a funeral service, and details such as funeral home, cemetery, and things like that were discussed. Never in my life did I think that I would need to plan such things, at least at my age. Debby L. came by to help with funeral plans and support.

There were many phone calls. I remember talking to Jay, my boss; friend and co-worker Gary W.; cousins Paul & Dan; Lisa K, who I worked with for many years as a youth counselor; …each one offering prayers and emotional support.

Jim, Lynda, Mom, Dad and I went to Witzke Funeral Home and prepared things for Teresa’s funeral and burial, including casket choices, etc. Stephen, the director, took us through the entire process, and recommended a cemetery. I had to excuse myself at one point and broke down crying in the men’s room. I didn’t want to have to make these kinds of decisions, and I felt like the nightmare of losing Teresa was getting worse.

After making all of the funeral home arrangements, we went to Crest Lawn Memorial Gardens, a cemetery in Marriottsville. Again, the process of having to choose a burial plot and headstone was overwhelming. I felt nauseous. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. Less than 24 hours after eating dinner and going for a family outing, I was planning my wife’s funeral! Kathleen gave us a lot of information and we toured the cemetery and chose 2 plots in the “Garden of Gethsemane”, near the watchful eye of a statue of Jesus. It seemed appropriate, since Teresa had visited the actual Garden of Gethsemane while touring Israel a few years ago, before I met her. It was also at this time that I realized just how expensive a funeral and burial cost. I would spare no expense for Teresa, but I wondered, how could the average family afford all of this?

Many visitors were waiting for us to come home: Rev. George & Mary A., Irene & Stephen, and several others. Michelle & Kevin B. had stopped by, too, but had to leave before we arrived home. Ray & Margret and Dan & Kristy came by, too.

Tuesday evening, Jim’s entire Korean congregation, it seemed, came by and had a prayer service and sing-along. I was pretty wiped out by the end of the day and remember drifting off to sleep to the sounds of their singing.

In the days that followed, many more visitors came by. Aunt Pat brought breakfast and donuts one morning, and took care of the baby for much of that morning. A large delegation from Montrose Baptist Church stopped by, including Pastor Moussa, Mark & Darla H., Curtis S., and Mark D. Jun & Jen came by, as well as Joanne G., Sandy & Michelle, Brook & Jennifer, Gorham, Nancy C., Ginny P., Melissa & Marty P., Jennifer Z., Cherice D. (who has since provided so many tips for helping us care for Melody), and many, many more. I wish I could remember everyone, and I hope that no one is offended if I did forget. Lauren, from across the street, offered breast milk, as did Kristy. Nancy & Jay C. brought over a huge basket of diapers and baby formula.

Reservoir High wanted to start a scholarship fund in Teresa’s name, and the students wanted to have a college fund for Melody. The students at Mt. Hebron High, where Teresa taught before coming to Reservoir, planted a tree in her memory. The students, teachers and staff of both schools were very supportive.

I am so appreciative of the support of everyone, for providing food, support with Melody, and prayer. I was and still am overwhelmed.

Scout was groomed one afternoon, followed by an appointment with her doctor for an annual checkup the next day. I informed the doctor of what happened and that Scout seemed to be in a depression. We agreed that she was probably mourning. Scout was in good health otherwise, fortunately.

I picked out a red dress for Teresa to wear, which Lynda agreed was perfect for her. I had given it to her a few Christmas’s ago. She always looked great in red.

The funeral service came together nicely. We picked 6 gentlemen to be pallbearers: Gorham (our neighbor and a substitute teacher at the school), Gary B. (who Teresa knew from Montrose Baptist Church when they were in the youth group together), Darren (Teresa’s brother-in-law), Jerry L. (Teresa’s Godfather), Dan (my cousin and who introduced Teresa and I to each other), and Josh (Teresa’s only fraternal cousin). Jun agreed to sing the Lord’s Prayer, just as he did at our wedding. Mark, the pastor of Grace Community Church, will officiate at the church; Rev. George A. (my pastor from the church I grew up in, and who participated in our wedding ceremony) will say a prayer, read scripture, and officiate at the cemetery; and Addie (Teresa’s boss), Carol (Teresa’s long-time co-worker), Jennifer, Elizabeth, and Kristen (her three Ya-Ya friends from college), Ray (who officiated at our wedding), and several current and former students, will eulogize her. Two students wrote a rap song in her memory, which will be played. We planned to show the video of the photomontage from our wedding, in addition to pictures of key moments since then.

Thursday night was the first viewing at the funeral home. It was very overwhelming. Teresa, in some ways, didn’t look right, her mouth in particular. I kept reminding myself that it was just her body, not her. Her body was affected by the organ donations, as well. A thought popped into my head, after seeing her during those first few minutes, that Teresa did not live to experience her first Mother’s Day. That made me very sad. Rev. A. shared some scripture and thoughts, and prayed with us, the immediate family, before the doors were opened. It meant a lot to us. Lauren agreed to care for Melody at the funeral home, and that was much appreciated (weeks later, she offered to be Melody’s nanny. What an answered prayer she is!). It turned into a long evening for Melody, though, and we decided she would stay home the following evening.

Many relatives, friends, students, co-workers (hers and mine), and so many other people stopped by. I was drained by the end of the evening. It was so nice to see so many people, but I just hated that it was under these circumstances. It was also an emotional time for everyone.

A young lady introduced herself to me. Sara Z., a co-worker of Teresa’s, shared with me that she had lost her fiancé in a car accident a few years ago. Someone had shared a book with her, which she gave to me, about a man who lost his wife, mother, and daughter in a car accident, and how he was able to get his life back together through his faith. She said the book encouraged her so much. She is engaged again. She said Teresa was such an inspiration to her because of her faith, and she shared a lot of good advice with her about marriage.

I met a lot of Teresa’s former students, as well, and some parents of students she taught, and I enjoyed hearing stories they shared about her, including the “Quiz Song”, which she had sung to me several times before.

The next day, it was more of the same. Lisa K., who I worked with as a youth counselor for quite a few years, flew in from Cincinnati. She dropped by the house with an email letter from her daughter, Erin, mother of 3 young children, who lost her husband in a car accident a year-and-a-half ago. It was full of encouragement. Only someone who has been through something like this can possibly identify with what you’re going through.

At the funeral home, many more co-workers stopped by, as well as lots of family, many who came back for the evening viewing, as well. In between, much of the family came back to my house for a delicious dinner provided by one of Darren’s friends.

After a draining two days, the next day would be the hardest. That morning, I found a video drama that Teresa and I had performed on Easter Sunday 2000. I added it to the service so that Teresa could make an appearance at her funeral, and so that seeing her so alive would provide a better memory of her to those attending than the previous 2 days. The skit was one of the most well received that we had done while leading the drama team at Montrose.

Two limos, furnished by the funeral home, picked us up, with Mom & Dad, Jim & Lynda, Angie, Melody, and I in one car, and Jerry & Janice, Jody & Fred, Josh, Lauren, and Darren in the other. They took us to the funeral home for one last moment with Teresa. I placed the note from the bottle from our engagement at Sandy Point, along with a copy of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, one of Scout’s balls, and a few pictures of Melody and I, in the casket with her. When a plaster handprint didn’t work, we received a lock of her hair.

The limos took us to Grace Community Church. There were well over 500 people attending! The service was so wonderful, and moving, and emotional, and eclectic, and musical, and memorable, and very spiritual. I’m sure it’s what Teresa would have wanted it to be, if it had to be at all. The service was audio and video taped, and I have since listened to the service over and over again, and I cry, laugh, and remember everything that was said every time.

It was one of the longest processions I’ve ever seen. Almost everyone who attended the funeral also went to the cemetery. The only thing I regret is that I was asked to ride in the hearse, when I would rather have ridden with the rest of the family in the limo. Still not sure why I was asked, nor why I agreed to it. It was not an enjoyable ride.

Rev. A. did a very moving graveside service, and, afterward, we each took a yellow rose, Teresa’s favorite, and walked back to the cars. It was a beautiful, sunny, breezy day, one I’m sure Teresa would have enjoyed.

We drove back to the church for a very nice luncheon and reception. Much of the family and close friends joined us. It was such a sad occasion, but a wonderful opportunity to spend time with our loved ones.

It was so nice of Grace Community Church to host the reception. They would provide me with a lot of support over the next few months. I still don’t know the names of so many that have helped me, but Pastor Mark and Debby & Jerry L. were wonderful.

The days to follow are almost harder, in a lot of ways. I have benefited from a wonderfully supportive family. Mom & Dad and Jim & Lynda, as well as Angie, have been with me constantly, mostly to help me with Melody’s care, but also so that we can support and love each other. I’m so appreciative of their thoughtfulness and support. I can’t do it without them, and I love them so much.

Melody seems to grow and evolve every day. I am humbled that this little girl, who I love so much, and who loves me so unconditionally, each day, when I arrive home from work, wants me to place her on my lap, and we sit on the couch and talk about our day (I talk, she babbles), perfectly content to just sit there, until, resting her head on my stomach, she drifts off to sleep for her afternoon nap. She is such a happy baby, and she has such a great demeanor. Her personality is really coming out, and she is such a little clown. She’ll cock her head sideways and gives me a big smile, and I just laugh and laugh. She looks so much like Teresa and I am thankful that God has blessed me, not only with a beautiful little daughter, but also a piece of Teresa. I love her so much.

My faith remains strong, though I miss Teresa so much, and the grief is overwhelming at times. It’s impossible to describe, losing someone who was so much a part of me. We did so much together, from our big road trips (through 38 states!) to our daily routines. We packed a lot into the almost 5 years we were married. She made me so happy, and I know she was happy. This impacts everything that I do and will do, though. The effect on Melody, too, is immense, losing her mother at such a young age. But I know we will get through it because God is taking care of us. As long as we are faithful to Him, He will continue to bless us. And I know that Teresa is in a better place, experiencing the riches in Heaven. She is the lucky one. We are the ones that have to live here without her.

Teresa was as wonderful as everyone has said. She was human, so she was not perfect. But she knew Jesus as her Savior, and that is why I know she is in Heaven. I miss her so much. But I also know that I will see her again one day.

Eric

June 2004

10 years ago...a proposal

February 13, 1999, was a crisp and cool Saturday morning. I woke up suddenly, like a kid on Christmas morning. It was Engagement Day. I was nervous, excited, and anxious. Today I would find out if Teresa would be my wife! I had bought the ring two weeks before. It was a diamond solitaire ring with a gold band. I learned all about the “Four C’s” that day: cut, clarity, color, and carat. I purchased the ring, which, at the time, was the most money I had ever spent on anything other than a car. It was worth it, though, if Teresa said, “Yes.”

My brother, Darren, and I had gone out the weekend before searching for the perfect spot for the proposal, one that afforded him an opportunity to videotape the whole thing from a distance and not be seen by Teresa, and within view of a lighthouse. Teresa loved lighthouses! Sandy Point State Park, right next the Bay Bridge on the Chesapeake Bay, and with the Sandy Point Shoal Lighthouse just off shore, was chosen.

Teresa got sick with a very bad cold about a week before the engagement. The poor girl missed several days of work, and we were not able to see each other for most of the week. Kristen, her roommate, took care of her while we were apart. I was anxious to see her, but she was feeling poorly and not at her best.

On Wednesday, I went to church and approached my future father-in-law, Jim, before the service that night, to ask for Teresa’s hand in marriage. He gave me his blessing and expressed his excitement about the whole thing. We had a wonderful conversation about what was to come. The Pastor walked by while we were talking and kidded us, since he had figured out why we were talking.

I picked up the ring on Thursday. It was beautiful, and would complement her perfectly. I stopped by Mom & Dad’s house to show them, and Mom and my sister, Angie, both loved it (and even tried it on)! That evening, I went to see Teresa for the first time all week. She still felt very weak, and was not 100%, but she wanted to see me. We had a nice Chinese dinner (lots of soup and hot tea) and watched a movie at her apartment in Laurel. I mentioned to her the birthday party for my friend’s year-old twins that we were going to on Saturday, and she assured me she was well enough to go. The ring was in my pocket when I kissed her goodnight, and as I drove home, I thought, “The next time I see her, I’ll be asking her to marry me!”

Saturday. I tried to stay calm and relaxed all morning, but I was so nervous. I talked to my friend, Darrell, and told him what was going on, and that we might be a little late arriving at his kid’s birthday party. He understood and was excited for us. I talked to my roommate and cousin, Dan, and told him about what I was planning. He was preparing for his own proposal to his girlfriend, which would take place the following week. He wished me luck and I headed out of our place in Montgomery Village to pick up Teresa.

The Plan was on. First, I called her to let her know that we needed to stop somewhere on the way to the party to pick up some shells. When trying to come up with a reason to get Teresa to Sandy Point, the only thing Darren and I could come up with was finding seashells. So I made up a story that Darrell was planning a game for the party involving shells, and had asked if we could pick some up on the way to the party. Teresa bought the story, so we were on our way.

I had the ring in my pants pocket, and during the drive to her place, it was burning a hole in my leg. When I arrived, she greeted me warmly. She was feeling a lot better, just a little bit of congestion, so I didn’t feel too guilty about taking her to the beach on a cold, windy February day. Our first stop was to my parent’s house in Bowie. I told Teresa that Darren, who worked at Lowe’s, might know where we could find some shells. (Mom & Dad had left that morning for a trip to visit family in PA.) Darren followed the script perfectly by telling us that Lowe’s didn’t have shells (they really do), but that we should go to Sandy Point beach and get some shells there. Teresa agreed that this sounded logical, so off we went. As soon as we had walked out the door, Darren and his girlfriend hopped into her car (which Teresa had never seen), and raced to Sandy Point ahead of us, while Teresa and I stopped for lunch.

We went to Burger King in Annapolis for a quick lunch. I was getting more and more nervous as the day wore on, so eating was not high on my list of things to do. I struggled through the meal and tried to keep it down after a trip to the rest room. Teresa still had no idea what was in store for her. In fact, we began having a discussion about our future. I played along by telling her that I thought some of her friends were putting a lot of pressure on us to get engaged. She agreed, and promised she didn’t feel the same way as them. She said she was comfortable with where our relationship was at, and I explained, trying to justify it, that we were still getting to know each other. We only started dating the previous May. She agreed. I was afraid I might be putting it on a bit too thick, but she seemed fine.

We hopped back into the car and rushed over to Sandy Point State Park. Because Darren and I had scouted out the place the week before, I knew exactly where to park. Darren and his girlfriend arrived about 30 minutes before us. We parked right next to their car, though neither of us knew it, and we got out. I suggested that we walk over to the beach area and look for the shells. We went over to a broad, sandy area right on the water. The lighthouse was straight ahead, just off shore in the Bay. I looked around for Darren, since I didn’t know exactly where he would be, to make sure he had arrived, but I didn’t see him. He later told me I looked directly at him several times, and he was afraid I would give him away. He was hiding behind a large tree at the edge of the beach, about 50 yards away (and there is a lot of video footage of the tree).

It was very cold and windy, but I didn’t notice. I was sweating profusely. Poor Teresa was bundled up in her heavy jacket and mitten, trying to sty warm, and looking around in the sand for shells, not suspecting a thing. I directed her towards an area of large rocks, right on the water, and we spotted a large bottle hidden between two large rocks (a bottle Darren had placed there before we arrived). I pointed out that the bottle looked like it had a note inside of it, and I picked it up, much to Teresa’s surprise (she thought it was garbage). I pulled out the cork and slid out the rolled paper from inside it. On it was written a note. I had written the note to her a few weeks earlier (on recycled nautical chart paper, to make it look authentic) with the intent of placing it in the bottle for Teresa to find. In the note, I outlined our entire relationship to that point, and mentioned how much I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. At the end, I had written, “Will you marry me?”

Teresa read the note while I stood next to her, holding it. She told me later that she recognized the handwriting as mine right away, but didn’t understand why it was there. It took her what seemed to me to be a long time (I had written too much, I think), and when she finished, she gave me a curious look, as if she was trying to figure out what was going on. I pulled the ring out of my pocket, which I had been fingering the entire time she was reading the note, and dropped onto one knee on the wet sand. She started to shake, and I don’t think it was because of the cold. I made a little speech, which I don’t remember at all, and asked her to marry me. The realization of what was happening began to hit her, and she took her mitten off and I slipped the ring on her finger. She started to cry and yelled, “YES!” And we hugged and kissed each other for the longest time. Then Darren jumped out of the woods whooping and hollering with the camera still running, perfectly capturing the moment with the lighthouse behind us. Teresa continued to cry tears of joy, and I got a bit misty eyed. I was sincerely happy. Happy that I had surprised her, happy that my plan had worked so well, happy that she said yes, and greatly relieved that it was over! And I was so happy that I was going to marry the sweetest, most wonderful young lady I had ever known!

As we drove away from Sandy Point, I laughed at Teresa as she kept looking at her hand and giggling. I told her we had a lot of planning to do. Because she was a teacher, it made the most sense to have the wedding during the summer. It certainly helped that Teresa had spent several years as a wedding planner/organizer while working at the Chapel at the University of Maryland, overseeing hundreds of weddings. Then it hit us: we still had a party to go to. We rushed over to my friend’s house and celebrated with friends and family Sam & Caitlin's first birthday. Their parents, Darrell & Cynthia, and everyone helped us celebrate our engagement, too. We left the party early and went to Teresa’s parent’s house in Wheaton to give them the news (and catch the last few minutes of the Maryland vs. UNC basketball game - priorities, y'know). Oh, were they excited! We all went out to a nearby restaurant to celebrate. Mom & Dad called us from Pennsylvania on the drive over to offer congratulations, too. Our promise is to love each other as God loves us and live happily ever after…

Eric Freed
2/17/99

Our Wedding Day

I came across the following "essay" written by Teresa shortly after our wedding which details everything that happened that day, from her perspective. Enjoy!

THE WEDDING DAY
From the Bride’s Perspective

On July 24, 1999, I awoke at around 8:40 at my mom and dad’s house. I had actually slept fairly well the night before, although I didn’t go to bed until 2:00 a.m. or so. I was finishing shower thank you notes. I think the late sleep was a result of sleeping on the couch bed for the past two weeks.

Any way, I woke up with not a lot of time to spare before breakfast. I took a shower and used vanilla wash, Eric’s favorite. When I was clean-haired and clean-faced, mom and dad and I went to breakfast at Shoney’s in Wheaton, the scene of so many breakfasts when it was Big Boy during my childhood. We sat in the “greenhouse” area and all ordered the breakfast bar. I ate pancakes with strawberries on top and other fruit, and I ate the whole thing. Dad talked me into a large orange juice, which comes up later in the story. Most of our conversation centered around how we would get where for the rest of the day. When we thought we had it figured out, it would change!

Finally, we left Shoney’s, dropped Mom off at her hair appointment at JC Penny’s, and Dad dropped me off at home. I puttered around a little bit before heading to Laurel for my hair appointment with Vonda. Only upon arriving in Laurel did I realize I had left my veil at Mom and Dad’s. There were a few agonizing moments while I tried to decide if I should go back home or not. And I finally did. I called Dad and told him to be ready to run the veil out to me, and I called Kristen and asked her to call JC Penny’s and tell them I would be late. When I arrived at my parent’s house, Dad ran the veil outside; I thought he would trip! On the way back down 95, I called Kristen and let her join in the agony of the large orange juice of which I desperately needed to be relieved!!!

At Penny’s all was well, and I even had a little wait. Vonda worked on my hair for about an hour, and I wasn’t completely happy with it at first. She did put in soft curls and a French twist with curls at the top, and looking back, I really did enjoy it all day. When Kristen arrived it was time to put on the veil. She asked Kristen’s advice, and Kristen got a little panicky…it was set just right! I had been so relaxed for that hour, and as I left the adrenaline kicked in big time!

I had one errand to run (in my veil and button-up cream shirt and denim shorts). I had to go to the Most machine. After retrieving some money, I noticed a lot of people looking my way with a bit of amusement. As I drove down the road I was singing and smiling and little girls who peeked out their car windows at me. It was great fun.

When I arrived home, there was no one there. This was a little disconcerting. As I said, we had many plans for the day, and at that moment, I couldn’t remember exactly which one I was supposed to follow. My dress was gone, along with my other accessories and bags. Finally, Dad showed up and followed me in my car to the Claridge Room. I parked the car out front, knowing there was no escaping from the fate it would face during the reception. We walked into the Claridge Room and Tim (a Mt. Hebron colleague) was there setting up the most beautiful cake I had ever seen. There were lattice hearts and roses that looked as real as the ones Janice S. was placing all around the room…in beautiful tall vases with candles in the top. The cake topper was a Wedgwood bride and groom that Mom and I had found in Rehoboth Beach a few weeks before. The room was starting to look very elegant.

I let Dad know that we needed to get on to the church, or else I would run into Eric, who would be stopping by to drop off his suitcase in my car. We took off and met up with Kristen, Elizabeth and Jennifer in the parking lot of Montrose. Kristen looked about two inches taller with her hair up, and all three girls looked elegant with their hair, but still in shorts…it was a hot day!

We walked through the all-purpose room and down the rotunda of the family life center. Mom and Linda H. showed up with lots of food for lunch and we spread it out on the table and started to eat. I had a sandwich, chips and M&Ms (only a few!). Soon after, Alexis arrived, along with Angie and some McDonalds’s and Cherice. Tammy came, and we decided it was time to do some make up. Just about that time, however, someone had other plans.

The lights in the rotunda went out. At first, I wasn’t worried; I had been calm all day and that didn’t really change. Mom was very worried! I though it was a fuse in the building. Then things started to get blurry. Rhonda C. came down and said that someone had hit a transistor with their car. She had called the electric company and told them that Montrose needed power for a wedding. It should be on in an hour and a half…that was at 2:00. I was still okay, and the girls started doing their make-up in the hallway by sunlight. Then Rhonda came in and offered to take us to her place to get ready. I wasn’t ready to give in. I even wandered back into a classroom where the emergency light had gone out.

I sat in the back of the room and started to cry. Slowly, but surely, the tears came, and I was trying to hide them. I remember still being practical and trying to figure out how the wedding could work without electricity. At one point we asked Rhonda if there was a boom box around to play “New Day” on, but I wasn’t convinced…no organ, no slides, nothing. As I sat in the dark, slowly my bridesmaids came in to join me. I told Elizabeth all the things I would miss without electricity, and they each tried to reassure me. Finally, Cherice said, “Let’s pray,” and she prayed a beautiful prayer. A few minutes later, the lights popped back on and we all let out a cheer! Then I told Alexis we needed to pray again to thank God for the power. Kristen led that prayer. Then it was time to get dressed!

We worked on make-up first, and Tammy made us all feel so glamorous. A picture was snapped of Corey watching Tammy put make up on me. Then everyone was getting their dress on. Janice came down with flowers and bouquets. Jody called me over and handed me a hanky that she said was Granny’s (my great grandmother’s). She and I both started to cry. I took the hanky and pinned it to my slip, along with my new hanky and the cross that Mrs. Penny N. had stitched for me. Then I remember looking at everyone in their dresses and saying something like, “I think I’d like to put on my dress, now.” Everyone started scurrying; it was pretty funny.

I put my dress on first, then we pulled the slip on underneath. Angie started to cry a little when she saw me. I was so pleased with the fuller slip and look of the dress. Cherice helped me with my earrings and then I remembered, I didn’t have on shoes! Someone took care of that (Kristen and someone else), and then the photographer and videographer took shots of Kristen and Cherice putting on my garters. That was fun!

Before I knew it, it was time to go. We all headed out to the limousine, including all the girls, Alexis, Mom and Jody! We hopped in and the driver took us up to the front of the church. We made jokes and took pictures. When we arrived at the top of the hill, all the girls jumped out, and I was left in the limo.

I waited there and watched latecomers arrive and wondered what was happening inside. At one point, Dad came out to find out how I was doing and wait for me. He said the slide show had gone well, and everyone had laughed when the picture of Eric and I in our hats came up, and that now Jo S. was singing “How Beautiful.” “Are you not going to walk Mom down the aisle with the candle?” “Am I supposed to?” “Well, you did last night.” “Oh, is that next? She told me to come out here!” and he hopped out of the limo and into the church. (He made it in time.)

Finally, the limo driver came and fetched me. (I was so glad; I hate to miss anything!) Alexis was sobbing in the back of the church, and Rhonda and the limo driver were trying to console her. I remember thinking, “Oh, well, whatever happen.” “The New Day” started and miraculously, everyone went down the aisle. I was ready and Dad took me up to the wall. I smiled at the people in the back, including my Uncle Jerry. The song ended and Alexis was still in the aisle, but just a moment later, Trumpet Voluntary started and Joanne sent us down the aisle.

I remember thinking at the time that the song sounded perfect. Dad seemed very calm. It turns out he shook Fred S.’s hand on the way down the aisle! I remember looking into the faces of many people coming down the aisle and seeing them…like Leigh Ann E. and Elizabeth R. I looked up at Eric, and he looked so nervous. I smiled at him, and he just looked like words can’t describe…so handsome! When we arrived down the aisle, Dad leaned over and said something to me about the music still playing. When it stopped, I looked at Ray, but Kristy had come up to read 1 Corinthians 13. She read beautifully. Then Ray prayed and presented the gospel and explained that Eric and I can only be together in a right relationship because we had committed our lives to Christ. Then he asked both Eric and me if we had, and we each in turn said, “I do.” Then he suddenly looked at my dad and asked, “Who gives this woman?” “Her mother and I,” he said, with no trace of jest or humor. He hugged me and I told him that I loved him, and then he hugged Eric for what I noticed was a long time. Then I took Eric’s hand and we walked up the steps to Pastor Hope. Jun began to sing, “I Will Be Here,” and Deborah M. and Mike M. plated keyboard and guitar. I looked at Eric and said, “Are you all right?” He just sighed. I squeezed his hand and began to sing along with Jun. Pastor Ray smiled at us reassuringly.

Towards the end of the song, Eric asked me, “What’s next?” I told him that we said our vows next. When the song was over, Ray began with the vows. I passed my bouquet to Kristen and turned back to look Eric in the eye. He spoke his vows to me with such feeling. I was so overwhelmed. I remember him stressing, “I will forsake all others.” I then promised to love, honor and obey him and that “Your people will be my people, and your God, my God.”

Next, we exchanged rings. Eric looked me in the eye and placed the ring very securely on my finger. I remember thinking, “I don’t have to take this off!” Kristen handed me Eric’s ring and I placed it on his finger. Then Ray said, “Let’s pray.” I knew what was coming…

Jun sang the most beautiful rendition of the Lord’s Prayer, I have ever heard. When he hit the high note, I smiled. It was magnificent, and after the “amen,” Eric whispered, “That was great!” Reverend George A. appeared and said a few words about the unity candle. Eric and I walked around to light the candle and waited a minute there before moving back to our spots. Jun and Tammy began to sing, “Love is the Reason,” a song I have wanted in my wedding since the eighth grade. I watched them as they sang and smiled and sang along sometimes quietly. Then Ray pronounced us man and wife and gave us a charge as a couple.

He told us to read our Bible, pray together, and be faithful to our church (“THIS church” he said). I could hear Alexis crying behind me and Cherice talking to her. Then he told the audience about Joshua, and how we wanted to make a statement like he had. Ray began to sing “As For Me and My House,” and Eric and I turned to face the audience. It was fun to look out and see everyone singing along. When Ray sang the last verse, he looked at us and changed the words from “Any storm we can weather” to “Any storm you can weather, trusting in God’s word.” When he sang the line, “We need each other, fathers and mothers,” I smiled at my new in-laws, and at “sisters and brothers,” I looked over at Darren and smiled, and he nodded. I also remember looking at my mom and dad then.

When the song was over we turned back toward Ray and he said a few more words before the kiss (which was delightful!). Then he introduced us for the first time and we took off to Mendelssohn’s Wedding March. At the back of the church, Eric took me behind the welcome center and gave m a kiss. The bridesmaids and groomsmen started to show up and started to head toward the back of the church. Eric called to me just in time for me to see him pay Gary a dollar for a Coke! He had quickly taken care of the tradition that the first person to buy something after the wedding is in charge of the finances!

Eric and I went downstairs into the viewing room and found a Bible and read Psalm 1 together. The Eric thanked God for blessing our day and bringing us together. He told me how beautiful he thought I looked. It was a nice quiet time together.

When we walked back out, we were greeted by family and bridal party who were all anxious to give us hugs. Eric was so relieved!

We headed back up for pictures and enjoyed posing for a zillion of them. Everyone was very patient. When the pictures were over, we restaged the recessional and headed across the way to the all-purpose room. There were people from church there, and we hugged them all, as well as Virgie P. (Mom’s aunt) who thanked me for sending her a sympathy card this past week at the loss of her husband. She seemed truly touched by our wedding. It was a nice moment.

As we headed to the limo, the kids pulled out a huge congratulations card that they had made for us in the childcare! They blew bubbles at us, and Eric threw little gold-covered chocolate coins at them. Then we hopped in the limo and stuck our head out of the sunroof. We waved to everyone and then took off for a relaxing and longer than expected ride to the Claridge Room. The limo was making a terrible noise, but Eric and I just talked about how beautiful everything was and how happy we were.

When we arrived at the Claridge Room, there were more pictures and then an impromptu receiving line formed. Nancy C. and Shannon M. came over to talk to me. Then the girls began to bustle. This was the only time I really became nervous during the whole time! The bustling was just difficult and everyone was rushing us. Fortunately, Greg R. was there to entertain with the bagpipes.

As the DJ introduced each pair, the bagpipes played after Mom & Dad went down and Cherice had to escort Alexis, but we all made it in. I felt like letting out a whoohoo as we walked through all our friends and family! Dan began with a toast, and Darren followed, saying that Eric had a “good woman.” Eric’s Dad followed him with a touching toast and the Dad stood up to pray. He talked about how Eric was an answered prayer, and both Eric and I began to cry. His prayer was a prayer of thanksgiving to God for his new son-in-law as well as a blessing over the food. He ended in his traditional, “We pray all these things in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and our Savior, and our soon-coming King, Amen,” and I mouthed the words with him. It was beautiful. Then the DJ played, “Our God is an Awesome God…” Quite appropriate!

Then we ate. The meatballs were delicious, and Eric and I both ate almost everything on our plate! We staged a toast and kissed at the clinks of glasses. People came up to talk to us and to take their time capsule pages to the bin. It was great fun.

After we finished eating we began to walk around to as many tables as we could. We didn’t get to everyone and I felt like I missed so many, hopefully they will forgive. Before we knew it, it was time to cut the cake! First, Eric and I presented gifts to our parents, then we cut the cake and fed it neatly to each other. Then we danced our first dance to “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. I remember telling Eric that I always wondered what the bride and groom talked about during their first dance. He spun me and dipped me and we danced two more slow songs with all our friends! Even Kristen was out there! Then the fast dancing began.

First, it was a fifties medley and Irene M. came up and danced once before she had to leave. Lots of people were dancing around me and we were having a great time! Next we did the Grease medley, and then I went back to be with Eric and visit some more. Next, I put on my boots…it was time for the line dance! When I pulled up my dress to reveal my boots, everyone was laughing! What fun!!! We made it through the dance and I watched and sang to Eric as we did it. It was great. There was more party and slow dancing and fun and people would tell me they were leaving and I would be so sad.

Finally, the crowd was dwindling, so we decided to toss the bouquet. “Circle of Friends” came on and we gathered all the single ladies in a circle and I spun around and looked for Elizabeth (not there). I tossed with my eyes closed and Mandy caught the bouquet! She passed it on to Alexis, kindly. Next we pulled the single guys out and Eric went for my garter. He tossed it back and his cousin David caught it. Greg would have, but he jumped the other way! Finally, it was time to change.

Eric and I and my Mom went to the classrooms in the back for Eric and I to change. Mom helped me with my dress and we talked. I put on a royal blue dress similar to the girl’s dresses. I was ready way before Eric and Mom went back out to the party. When Eric came out he looked so handsome in his new suit. We went back into the room and danced our last dance to “Love of My Life” by Jim Brinkman and Michael W. Smith. Others danced, also. Then the hug-fest started! We hugged everyone in our path on the way out of the Claridge Room.

When we saw the car….ugh! It had rained and there was toilet paper pasted to it…icky!!!! Eric let me in the car and I rolled down the window and blew bubbles out. Kristen pointed out that she was not in the back seat. It took Eric a while to get in the car. As we left we drove around the circle four times to rid ourselves of all the decorations. The last time, Eric’s dad explained to him that he had other things to do that night! We took off down the road. We took the back way to the Ramada Hotel off the BW Parkway and tried to clean it off the a bit. It was quite a mess. Then we checked in for the first time as Mr. & Mrs. Eric Freed! Huge!

Starting Off

One of my favorite movies is JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO (1990), starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I believe this was the first movie starring both of them, and they went on to establish an on-screen romantic rapport in several more, better well-known, movies, such as SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE and YOU'VE GOT MAIL. But JOE... started things off. In the movie, Joe (Hanks) is living a miserable life, with a miserable job, poor health, and a generally poor outlook on life. Then he finds out he has a terminal disease and only a few months left to live. An eccentric millionaire (Lloyd Bridges) offers him a chance to live out his days like a king, but he must jump into a volcano on a South Pacific island as a sacrifice to the island natives' god, which will allow Bridges' company to mine a rare mineral found on the island. He accepts the offer and begins a fantastic journey. Along the way, he meets three women (all played by Ryan), and he falls in love with the third one. There is a scene in the movie where Joe is on a raft at night in the middle of the ocean, and the moon rises over the horizon. Joe is reminded that God is bigger than everyone, and he immediately thanks Him for his life. Later, at the end of the movie, again stuck on a raft in the middle of the ocean, Ryan's character asks Joe where they should go. Joe replies, "Away from the things of man, my dear. Away from the things of man."

That statement set me on my journey. I discovered, as an adult, that travel has a way of taking us away from the things of man, or the normalcy's we find in our life. Travel can be a spiritual journey, and many of my trips have been exactly that. I've found that road trips, especially solo trips, are best, when it's just me, God, my car, and the road in front of me.

My first major road trip was a solo trip from Maryland to New England, Atlantic Canada, and Niagara Falls, before returning home. The first day, I drove almost 800 miles, and I realized soon after I had to begin pacing myself or I might physically run out of gas before I finished the trip. I confronted one of my fears (of heights) the following day while driving to the top of Mt. Washington in New Hampshire. After a harrowing drive to the summit, I spent a frantic hour wandering around the gift shop at the top of the mountain wondering how I was going to get back down. After recording a Last Will & Testament on my camcorder and saying a lengthy prayer, I headed down the mountain and had no problem at all. I was so surprised that the drive was so easy. I determined that God really does answer prayers, and that my fear of heights is only present while going up, not down.

I met some interesting and wonderful people in Nova Scotia, including the desk clerk at the hotel in Antigonish who was fascinated about cartography (my profession), and the gas station owner in Dartmouth who allowed me to gas up my car at 5:30 a.m., even though he didn't open until 6. I drove possibly the most scenic road in all of North America, the Cabot Trail, around Cape Breton Island. I spent all of 2 hours driving through the narrow streets of Old Quebec City before heading out of town because I was so intimidated by the French culture there. And, after checking into a cheap hotel in Montreal and finding a condom on my nightstand next to the bed, I figured out why rooms could be booked by both the night and by the hour.

I confronted one of the most tragic moments of my life by returning to the spot on the QEW in Burlington, ON, where my grandparents were killed in a horrific accident as passengers in a car I was driving. We were hit from behind by a tractor-trailer going about 60 mph while we were stopped in heavy traffic. I was pulled from the burning car by my father, who was driving the rest of my family in our van in front of us when the accident occurred. While driving past the accident site, I realized the entire highway interchange had been redesigned, and I wondered if that was because of our accident.

The whole trip last about 10 days. I had rushed through it without really seeing much, other than the road itself. But having done it, I realized that I could travel by myself successfully, and I began planning more trips. God had been with me throughout my journey, and I felt closer to him than at any time in my life, to that point. I had traveled away from the things of man, and I was a better man for it.