Saturday, March 3, 2018

Melancholy Nights

Some nights, I get to feeling a bit overwhelmed, and little things cause me to get angry and frustrated, and I wonder about what triggers these moods.

We attended church earlier this evening at Grace Community, and while I enjoy Pastor Seth's messages, I found myself missing Mitchel and Rich.  I don't think I've heard a message from Pastor Rich in a few months, with illnesses, trips, and missed services.  But Seth is good.

There's usually a carryover from the service into the evening, and I wasn't feeling it tonight.  My mood soured as my daughter and I debated dinner plans.  It has become more difficult to decide on a place to eat anymore.  I got frustrated with our inability to agree on anything, and we spent much of the next hour trying a handful of places that were all way too crowded.  15 to 20 minute waits were uncharacteristically 30 to 40 minute waits, and we just didn't have the patience to wait.  We finally decided to just go home.

We drove past the funeral home where my wife was taken after her death and home-going, and while I've driven past it many times, tonight it brought a slew of memories to my mind.  The day after she died, I went there to make arrangements and purchase a funeral package.  My parents and in-laws went with me.  I became so overwhelmed that afternoon, that I ended up breaking down in the men's room.  It's an awful memory.

There were quite a few dark intersections on the trip home, a carryover from the windstorm yesterday, and we started to worry a bit about whether our power might be out.  While we have only lost power about a half-dozen times in the 16 years I've lived in this house, it's always one of my daughter's fears.  When we arrived at home, we were fine.  The kitchen light was on.

Dinner was pretty lousy.  We had hot dogs and broccoli, which was fine, but just not what I had in mind.  My sour mood continued, though, and the weight of the world continues to feel like it's resting on my shoulders.  I wish I could shake it.  Sleep brings relief from these thoughts, and that's where I'm headed now.  Prayer brings thoughts of better things.

Have a restful evening, everyone.

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