Thursday, April 12, 2018

Dating a Widower

A little over four years ago, I wrote a post here on the blog, found HERE, that is one of the most read and commented on posts that I've ever written.  It's about Wives of Widowers (WOWs) and Girlfriends of Widowers (GOWs).  I found the subject interesting, since I am a widower and I've attempted to date (unsuccessfully) since my wife passed on from this life fourteen years ago, so I wrote that post, never imagining that it would still be so popular.

What I find amazing is the number of women who have written to me, or commented on this post, asking for advice about dating a widower.  One even lectured me on all of the things I'm doing wrong.  It prompted me to write tonight's post in order to clarify just how inadequate I am, and how inappropriate it is for me to offer anyone any advice on this subject.  I'm just a blogger.  I'm not a professional of any kind, and this isn't an advice column.  I provided some advice to those who wrote to me asking for it, but I really don't feel right doing it any longer.

Every situation is different, and I'm no expert on the subject.  In fact, I just wrote a post earlier this week about why I don't date anymore, so I'm pretty sure I'm not qualified to offer anyone any advice.  If you're a GOW or WOW, please seek professional counseling or find advice from someone else.  I'm not going to be able to help anyone except myself.

What I will share is that I still suffer from depression, which was brought about following my wife's death and home-going, and the grief associated with that is something I deal with even 14 years later.  It's not something one "gets over."  The death of a loved one, whether it's a child, spouse, parent, sibling, or friend, becomes a part of your life story.  In the case of the death of a spouse, it's important to remember that everyone's timetable to begin dating is going to be different. There are as many different situations as there are husbands who lost their wives.  If you choose to date a widower, just be aware of that, and be sure that you keep the lines of communication open all the time.

As for me, I've tried to date, but it's just not in the cards.  I've given up, and my desire to date is just not there.  That said, if you're the praying type, I would appreciate your prayers for me and my daughter.

Have a great evening, everyone.

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