25 Random Things

1. My favorite movie of all time is IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. If you haven’t seen it, I can’t recommend it enough. Every year, I make a point of going to see it a few days before Christmas on the big screen at the AFI's Silver Theater in downtown Silver Spring. It really puts the Christmas Spirit in me.
2. I love my little girl!
3. For almost 6 years, we used to meet friends and family almost every Thursday at the Red Robin in Columbia, MD.  It was a blast, and Melody loved getting together with everyone.  It was our chance to catch up and visit, and we never ceased to have a great time.  We also got to know some of the wonderful staff that works there, and we continue to stay in touch with several of them.

4. My dream car is a 1970 Olds 442 W-30 convertible.  Maybe someday that dream will come true.
5. My almost-five years of marriage were among the happiest years of my life. I fell in love with and married my best friend, Teresa, who passed away in April, 2004. I’ve been widowed longer than married, but I’m praying that, if it’s God’s will that I marry again, it will be as wonderful as the first time. Tell your loved ones everyday how much you love them. You can't say it enough.

6. I am very passionate about my Pittsburgh Steelers. The city of Pittsburgh is a wonderful place, and I would move there in a heartbeat if I had a job waiting for me there.

7. I’ve driven the entire length of (what's left of) old Route 66 (Chicago to LA). Highlights include the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, TX, home of the free 72 oz. steak (if you can eat it in one hour….no, I didn‘t try); Albuquerque & Santa Fe, NM; “Sweet Home” Chicago, IL; Flagstaff, AZ; the nearby Grand Canyon; the Mojave Desert (where, at times, I know I was miles from any living person, alone with my thoughts and our wonderful God. Driving through God’s beauty in the American West is both therapeutic and humbling.); and Hollywood, CA, which is just too cool for words.
8. I’ve driven through 41 U.S. states and 5 Canadian provinces, but I’ve been to only one other country. 
9. My daughter regularly beats me at Wii bowling. 

10. My favorite movie of all time is JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO. You'll only like it if you GET it. Most people don't GET it. It is amusing and inspiring, with lots of symbolism, and is very romantic.
11. One of my role models is Richie Cunningham. Most guys wanted to be like the Fonz. I wanted to be like Richie.

12. My family has owned 16 Oldsmobiles, starting with Mom's '66 442 convertible, and includes my '87 442.
13. I am a frustrated actor and director, though I’m fortunate to have had an outlet through church drama for most of my life. Teresa and I ran the drama ministry at Montrose Baptist for several years, performing, writing, and directing many Sunday morning dramas, shows, dinner theaters, and numerous productions.
14. I’ve been so blessed to have many wonderful pastors as friends and mentors, including George Aist, Tom Kaylor, Dick Craig, Lisa Kerwin, Pastor Moussa, Sandy Adams, and my current pastor at Grace Community Church, Mark Norman, as well as my grandfather, Chester “Pap” Freed, and my father-in-law, Jim Shirlen.
15. I love Fall much more than Spring, and Winter much more than Summer. Bring on the snow!

16. I have three Tivos.  It's one of the best inventions ever.
17. My daughter inherited my love of roller coasters, and that’s one reason why we’ve been to over a dozen different amusement parks in the past several years.
18. I played in the Orange Bowl during my freshman year at Maryland….in the Mighty Sound Of Maryland Marching Band.
19. I didn’t care for coffee until a few years ago.  Now I drink at least one cup each morning.
20. My favorite movie of all time is REAR WINDOW….and NORTH BY NORTHWEST….and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN….and DAY OF THE JACKAL....  I'm a bit of a movie buff.
21. I spent over 10 years as a youth counselor at several different churches, and I was truly blessed by my friends and co-workers in that ministry, particularly Lisa Kerwin, Scott Yackley, and Diana Depew, and so many great kids!
22. I’ve worked for the Federal Government for over 21 years, half with NOAA and half with the FAA, but all with the same organization, Aeronautical Charting.

23. I have the most wonderful parents. My father is my best friend. My mother is like a mother to my daughter. I love them both so much. My in-laws are a true blessing, too.
24. There are several people who inspire me and have become role models to me because of how they have handled adversity in their lives: Brian, Sheryl, Brooke, Erin, and Mom, thank you! You are each in my prayers regularly.
25. God has blessed me with a wonderful life. Several months following Teresa’s death, as I was going through some papers, I discovered a slip of paper on which she had written the following verse. I don't know why she felt the need to write it down, but it was as if I was meant to find it. I am comforted every time I read it: “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” - I Peter 5:10. With Him, life gets better each and every day.

A Jug Of Bread, A Loaf Of Wine....

I don't like alcohol.  I don't like beer, wine, or liquor of any kind.  I just never acquired a taste for it.  Mom & Dad never had to worry about me sneaking out and drinking when I was a teen...it just wasn't going to happen with me.  Fortunately, most of my friends were the same.  They either chose not to drink, or they didn't like it.  I certainly tried it, but I just didn't care for the taste, so I stayed away from it.

When I was 22, the Pittsburgh Pirates were playing the Atlanta Braves in the playoffs, the last time the Pirates were in the postseason.  It was the last time the Pirates finished a season with a winning record, beginning a professional-sports-record 20 years of futility (that's a story for another day).  However, in '92, they were in the playoffs.  It was Game 5 of the National League Championship Series, all tied up at 2 games each.  My Pittsburgh uncle got us tickets for the game.  We were pretty excited!  The night of the game, we arrived at Three River's Stadium and we found out where our seats were located:  behind home plate, but all the way up at the top of the stadium, literally the 2nd to last row!  I have my share of fears, but one of my greatest is a strong fear of falling.  Sitting that high up in the stadium put me in a panic!

So there we were, tailgating in the parking lot with 50,000 Pirates fans, gearing up for a big game, everybody was excited, hanging with my father, 2 uncles, and 3 cousins, and all I could think about was having to sit up at the top of that stadium.  I don't recall who it was, but, since it was obvious to everyone I was preoccupied by this situation, someone suggested that I get wasted before the game and I would likely not worry about it anymore.  And, since it was a sporting event in Pittsburgh, and we were tailgating, there was no shortage of beer available.  So I drank one beer, and, sure enough, it relaxed me enough to no longer worry me, and the game was very exciting, a big win for the Pirates (in fact, the last playoff win for the Pirates for the next 20 years).  Bob Walk pitched a complete game shut-out, and the Braves and Pirates went back to Atlanta to finish the series (the Braves won 4 games to 3 to go on to the World Series).  I was nervous, but I was able to handle my fear of falling and enjoy the game.

While I didn't go on to regularly drink beer, and in fact barely ever drank again, I did come to the conclusion that alcohol could help relax me.  But as time went on, and I got older and wiser, I reached a point where I didn't drink another drop of alcohol for at least ten years.  I had no interest, and I was never in a social situation where I needed or wanted to drink.  And I still hated the taste.

After getting thrown a few curve balls at my life, I found myself battling a lot of stress, and it was having an impact on my health.  I had a scary time with high-blood pressure, and am now on medication for that.  I have a fairly stressful job, which hasn't helped, either.  So, one evening, I was chatting with my father and he suggested that a glass of wine each day after work would probably help me "relax".  Plus, he said, he had heard it could be good for my health.  I discounted the suggestion right away, and said that really wasn't an option, that I didn't like the taste of alcohol and I would have to look at another way to deal with my stress.

A couple of months ago, I happened to be at a store right next to a wine outlet.  I figured it couldn't hurt to take a look, so I did.  I was completely overwhelmed!  I had no clue what to look for, what I might like, or what kind of wine was any good.  So I looked around and bought four bottles in a variety of colors, not spending any more than $30.  I took them home and decided to try a little taste test.  I poured a little bit into four different styrofoam cups, and took a few sips of each one.  They were HORRIBLE.  Not just typical I-don't-like-alcohol horrible, but they were so bad I didn't drink another drop and proceeded to pour them all out.  I decided to look up each of them online and discovered that I had actually purchased a couple of fairly decent wines, and a couple that you wouldn't give your worst enemy, rotgut horrible.  I continued to do some research and figured out what kind of wines might appeal to me, and which one's I should stay away from.  It was educational, but I still wasn't sure if this was even going to help me.

About a month ago, I found myself near another wine store, so I decided to check it out, with my new found knowledge of wines.  Again, I was completely overwhelmed, but I at least had some idea of what to look for.  So I found a few bottles, again not spending more than about $30.  One in particular looked like it had promise:  it was a chocolate wine.  It looked like Yoohoo.  They had about 300 bottles in a nice display at the front of the store, so I figured it must be good.

When I arrived home, I decided to look them up online to see what I had.  I took the reviews with a grain of salt, since I knew from experience that, just because it received high marks, I wouldn't necessarily like it.  Interestingly, the chocolate wine received the worst reviews.  Once again, I got out my little styrofoam cups and did my little taste test.  And, once again, they were all horrible.  Except the chocolate wine.  I was actually able to stomach this one.  I think the bottle lasted about two weeks.  I only drank a little bit each time, and certainly not everyday.  I also have no clue whether or not it was helping me to relax.  I haven't decided whether to continue my experiment and try some other wines, or just forget the whole thing.  While the chocolate wine was okay, I'd still rather have a Yoohoo, or even a glass of Ovaltine.

So that's my wine story.  I'm open to suggestions for other wines to try, but I really can't promise that I'm going to like any just because you like them.

Vacation Furlough

Vacations have always been important to me, and I am so fortunate to have a job that includes so much vacation time.  I value any time spent with my little girl, but especially when we can take a road trip or hit an amusement park and add to our roller coaster inventory. We really enjoy doing these things together, and I make plans to take at least two big trips every year, with a bunch of smaller long-weekend trips thrown in throughout the year, too.

A few months ago, I started looking at taking a big Disney World vacation, including staying at a resort and going to all of the parks there in Orlando.  Whew, was I ever blown away by the cost!  I can't believe there are families that do this every year!  But, I figured, this was a once-in-a-lifetime trip, and would be worth it.  So I began making arrangements.  Then it all fell apart.

Working for the Federal Government is as stable a job as one can get, with a nice salary and very good benefits, including healthcare and retirement.  I am really fortunate to have such a job, and it has been a wonderful career for me.  The only downside is the periodic uncertainty that surrounds us when our elected officials can't agree on a budget, and we Feds become pawns in their little games.  It is, frankly, stupid.  It's not our fault that our President and the folks on Capitol Hill can't get their act in gear, but they take their fights out on us, threatening us with multiple years without a pay raise or cost of living adjustments, and toying with our retirement and Social Security benefits.  Politics aside, it is ridiculous that we go through this every year, it seems.

Things are really bad this year, and now there is talk of a furlough.  I've been in the government now for over 20 years, and I've only experienced one furlough with no loss in pay.  This year, there is talk of a 20+ day furlough, averaging one day "off" per week for the rest of the year, and no chance of getting back pay, all a result of our elected officials not being able to do the job they are elected to do!  If this becomes a reality, and each day it looks more and more likely, many of my employees could experience quite a hardship, losing approximately 20% of their take-home salary.  Looking ahead, this means that any frivolous spending should be kept in check, including big vacations.  See where this is going?

It would make sense for me to call it quits on our big Disney World vacation because of this uncertainty.  If nothing else, I will at least put it on hold until we know exactly what's going to happen, and maybe plan it for the Fall.  Either way, I have not mentioned anything to my daughter as of yet.  I wanted the trip to be a surprise, and now I'm glad I didn't say anything.  She would be really disappointed!

So now it's time for Plan B.  What should we do for Spring Break now?  Maybe a nice little inexpensive road trip?  Maybe a local amusement park (Hershey Park or Busch Gardens)?  Maybe we should just stay home?  Maybe a service project through our church?  The sky's the limit, I guess.  And I'll count my blessings that I even have a job with the opportunity to take a vacation.  Things could be so much worse, of course.  Thank the Lord for His blessings!

Reflecting on Then & Now

Today is the second day I've been home sick and I'm going stir crazy.  Though I don't feel like doing anything, I also hate just sitting around doing nothing.  Despite fairly constant nausea, and in between trips to the bathroom, I'm getting caught up on my Tivo watching.  I think faithful pup Scout is enjoying hanging out with me on the couch all day, though.  Dogs are the only ones that seem to enjoy a sick day.

A friend posted one of those simple little frivolous questionnaires on Facebook last night, so I jumped on it.  My friend, Michael, gave me the age I was to use (19).  It caused me to reflect on my life and where I was and what I was doing almost 25 years ago.  Here it is:

Age given - 19
Where I lived - Upper Marlboro, MD
What I drove - '85 Oldsmobile Cutlass (poor man's muscle car) 
What I did - student at University of Maryland; youth counselor at Galesville UM Church
Who had my heart- searching...always searching
My Fear - not being successful; not finding a companion

Age now - 43
Where I live - Laurel, MD
What I drive - '04 Jeep Liberty, '07 Mazda MX-5
What I do - Manager of a team of 75 employees
Who has my heart - My sweet, smart, beautiful daughter
Fear - being a single parent; managing a team of 75 employees

It's fun to look at where we were at a certain point in our lives and compare that to where we are now.  In particular, I found it interesting to consider what my fears were at the age of 19, and how things actually turned out in relation to those fears.  At 19, my biggest fear was whether I would be successful at whatever it was I would end up doing when I finished my studies at the University of Maryland.  In high school, I found my classes to be fairly easy, and I was an honor role student & graduated in the top 5% of my class.  After the car accident in Canada, things seemed to change (I'm fairly convinced this is because of my head injuries from the accident and from hitting my head on our ceiling several years earlier).  I no longer found my course work to be effortless, and discovered college to be pretty difficult.  It was harder to concentrate and my grades suffered as a result.  I changed my major a couple of times, from computer science to music to geology (finally settling on geography in my 3rd year).  At age 19, my confidence in my abilities took a major hit, and I sincerely worried about where my studies were taking me and what career path I might take.  Despite my worries (and I am a worrier by nature, unfortunately), I also turned to God and prayed constantly that He would guide me through this process.  He is so faithful, and I have yet to ever doubt Him, even when I'm inwardly worrying.

Fast-forward to age 43.  God is faithful.  I never could have imagined how successfully my career would progress, and all glory goes to Him.  My fears and worrying were for nothing.  Before graduating from college, I was able to get a job for the summer at a government office.  With my foot in the door, I was able to prove myself and I was offered a permanent position, and my career officially was off and running!  Now I'm responsible for 75 employees.  Unfortunately, since I am a worrier, I still find myself worrying about things that I know God will take care of, and managing a large group of people, knowing I'm responsible for so many people and their careers, is daunting.  However, again, I know that God is in control.  I pray everyday for my employees, and my prayers are that I will make good decisions that will benefit not only our organization from a business sense, but also for them.

My other fear at age 19 was about finding companionship.  I didn't do much dating throughout my high school years, and that made it difficult to think about dating in college.  I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself, and my introverted nature sure didn't help me.  I wasn't and still am not a "party-er", so I wasn't really in situations where I could meet people, and being a commuter student didn't help, either, since I wasn't on campus enough to be around female students in social settings.  I was my own worst enemy.  Though I continued to pray that God would lead me to my soul-mate, I also believe that God expects us to do our part and get out into the world in places where we might actually meet potential partners.  So I worried about it.  I was so dumb.  There probably wasn't another time in my life where I was in a better position to date and get to know someone of the opposite sex than at age 19.

Fast-forward again to age 43.  God did bring me my soul-mate, though it didn't happen until age 28.  It was a whirl-wind storybook romance blessed by and centered on God.  Teresa was awesome, and we really were a great match.  It was the happiest time of my life, and I am so blessed to have known her.  What I didn't know was that, six years after we met, four and half years after we married, and 5 months after she gave birth to our daughter, she would die of a massive heart attack at the age of 31.  Almost 9 years later, I'm still alone, a single parent of a beautiful little girl who has made being a parent much easier than expected and is such a blessing on me, but I'm still alone, nonetheless.  And that is what I fear at age 43.  I know God is in control, but I worry about being a single parent, whether I'm able to provide for all of my daughter's needs, hoping that I will find a companion that I can share my life with, but who will also be a mother-figure to my daughter.  This is not a position I would have ever predicted for myself, especially not at 19, and certainly not even now, 24 years later.  But, this is life.  This is where God has placed me.  I know he's in charge of my life.  All I can do is continue to put God number one in my life, and place myself in positions where I may get to meet companions and potential mates.

Thanks, Michael, for giving me the opportunity to walk through some interesting memories of an earlier time in my life.

Oldsmobiles, Stitches, & Falling Ladders

• My first car, a 1981 Oldsmobile SportOmega, was a unique car.  It was a strange combination of white & gray, with orange and red stripes down both sides, and "SportOmega" blazed across both doors.  It was easily one of the most identifiable cars in our high school parking lot, and gave me a bit of notoriety, which I thought was a good thing for a guy who was not very popular. We only had the car for about 3 years, and it certainly had its problems (when I attempted to take off one of the wheels after getting a flat tire, I found out that the wheel was rusted onto the car!).  But I loved it!  It stood out from the crowd, and was certainly the only car like it on the road.  By the time I had started college, and because I was commuting everyday instead of living on campus, I needed more reliable transportation, so we traded it in for a burgundy 1985 Olds Cutlass.  I wasn't happy at first, since the Cutlass had wire wheels and a bench front seat, and there was nothing unique about it, but Dad said we could get mag wheels and lettered tires. With the new wheels, tires, and all of the chrome, it was really a very good looking car.  I really missed my SportOmega, though.
• I'm convinced that I have some sort of brain damage due to several head injuries over the years.  When I was a freshman in high school, we were preparing for our annual retreat with the youth group at our church, Bells United Methodist Church, to Summit Lake Camp in Emmittsburg, MD.   It snowed on the Friday we were planning to make the trip, and school was cancelled.  Mom still had to work, so Angie, Darren, and I just hung out at home all day.  Darren and I were horsing around, and I must've done something to make him mad.  He started to chase me around the rec room.  I jumped up on the arm of our couch and started to leap over it, but I hit the top of my head on the overhanging ceiling over the duct work.  I immediately fell backwards onto the floor and passed out for a few seconds.  I came to just as I started to feel the pain, and I laid down on the couch feeling nauseous.  Darren, who saw the whole thing happen, suddenly yelled, "You're bleeding!"  Sure enough, I looked and there was blood all over the pillow of our white cloth sofa.  Mom was going to kill me!  I didn't know just how badly I had injured myself, but I knew I was in a lot of pain.  I got some tissues to cover up the gash and hoped it would stop bleeding.  As it was getting late in the afternoon, and knowing we would have to hit the road for our retreat shortly after Dad got home from work, I took a shower and gingerly washed my hair.  When I finished, I looked in the mirror and checked out my head, since my wet hair allowed me to get a good view of my scalp.  I had a 2-inch open gash on the crown of my skull.  That's when I got scared.  I knew I needed medical attention.  Mom came home and agreed, immediately taking me to a clinic where they stitched me up.  They also warned me to take it easy, that I may have concussion symptoms later.  I was so happy that I wouldn't miss the retreat, and we really had a good time.  And I was able to gross out my friends in the youth group due to the stitches in my head.  It really looked awful!
• I had a very real close-encounter with God several years ago.  My wife, Teresa, and I were members of the Drama Team at our old church, Montrose Baptist.  We had volunteered to participate in a show being performed at the church, called "Heaven's Gates & Hell's Flames".  The show is used as a tool to reach out to non-believers by showing them that the only way to Heaven and eternal life is through Jesus Christ.  It's a very powerful show, with an elaborate set, many lights and pyrotechnics, and a great bunch of people from Reality Ministries, who travel around the country bringing the show to churches and working with the volunteers and cast members to great effect.  We performed three shows in three days, spending many hours putting the set together and rehearsing in advance, and then breaking down the set after the last performance.  After the final show, while breaking down the set, I was assisting a few people on one side of the stage, while a few guys were using the large, heavy, steel ladder to remove some of the decorations on the high ceiling of the church.  The ladder was leaning at a bad angle against the curved brick wall, and it slipped.  Fortunately, no one was on the ladder at the time, but as it began falling, the guys yelled since it was headed right for me and a woman standing next to me.  There was no possible way we could move out of the way of that ladder.  All I can remember is a blur.  The next thing I knew, I was laying on my back at the back of the stage, four or five steps down below the top, some distance away from where the ladder landed.  Everyone was running towards me to see if I was okay, led by my very frightened wife who saw the whole thing.  She thought for sure I was going to be killed, and she said later that she thought this must be what it feels like to lose your spouse.  The ladder had nicked my elbow, but that's all.  Several people told me they couldn't believe how fast I was able to roll out of the way.  The woman standing near me said that I had pushed her out of the way, otherwise the ladder would have hit her.  I know there was no way I could have rolled out of the way of that ladder, let alone push someone else out of the way.  I honestly believe that God reached down and pulled me out of the way, placing his protective hands around me and protecting me.  That is the only explanation.  After catching my breath, and folks got back to the business at hand, I stepped outside to reflect on what had just happened to me.  I had helped carry the ladder into the church earlier, so I knew how heavy it was.  If it had hit me, it would have put me in the hospital, if not flat out killed me.  The thought that God had protected me shook me so much that I began weeping.  I'm not the type to cry, but this was an extraordinary event.  My wife came out to find me and we both had a good cry over God's goodness.  It's still such a strong memory, and I still remember how I felt that night.  God is just so good!

Impact of the Accident

This is part 2 of 2.  Part one:  http://www.awayfromthethingsofman.com/2013/01/bebop-grammy.html

We arrived home after a horrible week on the road following the accident in Canada and the death of my grandparents.  The funeral was very sad.  Both of my grandparent's coffins were at the front of the room, and there were hundreds present for the service.  They were closed caskets due to the impact of their bodies following the accident and fire.  A few musicians came and performed some classic traditional jazz tunes, including Van Perry on bass.  Rev. George Aist performed the service.  Afterwards, we drove to the cemetery in Falls Church, VA, where their coffins were placed in vaults within a large mausoleum.  It was a very sad day, and the service ended at almost the same time as the accident exactly one week prior.

We went home, but were still suffering because our air conditioning broke, and it was hot!  We also were trying to deal with the ramifications of the accident.  Our damaged van was in need of repairs, though the damage was a constant reminder of the accident and, long-term, we knew we would end up getting a new van.  I still had an ugly scar above my left eye, though once the stitches were removed, it looked much better.

I was due to head off to college (I was planning on attending the University of Maryland at Baltimore County (UMBC), but was having second thoughts about being away from home.  This lead me to end up applying to the College Park campus and, after numerous phone calls, I was accepted there and began making plans to commute from home instead of living near the Baltimore campus.

Day-to-day routines were no longer routine.  Our family was broken.  It had been such an awful experience for all of us, and it affected all of us in different ways.  Poor Mom was very depressed after losing both of her parents in such a devastating way, and began getting the help she needed.  As we entered into the Fall, a little bit of normalcy returned, with school taking the lead in our daily activities.  Sister Angie was a Junior in high school, though she soon started hanging out with a bad crowd, which lead her to begin sneaking out of the house and going out drinking late at night.  Her new boyfriend was much older and was a poor influence on her.  Brother Darren was kind of the forgotten one of the family, but he had sports to keep him occupied. I had a hard time making the transition to college, going from a top of the class student in high school to having difficulty with several of my classes, and trying to balance my schedule with my commute, marching band, and working with the youth group at our church.

Our faith was really the only constant, but even that was a difficult part of what we were dealing with.  Why had God allowed this to happen to us?  We were all suffering, and there didn't seem to be a solution or end to what was happening.  Our church had begun to split over Rev. Aist's future.  A small group at the church determined that a new pastor was needed, someone younger and more dynamic, and those of us who supported Rev. Aist ended up in a ridiculous battle that became more and more vicious as the year went on. The result was that Rev. Aist elected to leave, and our church family was scattered.  It was a difficult situation, since Mom was the church secretary, Dad was the youth director and church treasurer, and I was a youth counselor.  We had attended the church since I was in 3rd grade.  It was even harder as there were many of our friends who had supported pushing Rev. Aist out, and they acted as if we were wrong.  A simple disagreement had led to the end of many of these friendships.  Our family left the church and we began searching for a new place to worship.

Things came to a head with my sister, and she was confronted about her boyfriend and sneaking out of the house.  The result was she made a complete change to her lifestyle, changed her diet, stayed home all the time, and took over making meals for the family.  She started a diet that soon spiraled out of control and became a full-blown case of anorexia.  Within a year, she was below 100 lbs. and was admitted to a hospital with an eating disorder program.  She had to drop out of school and began to see a tutor.

Darren, now in high school, was having his own problems.  He had been growing like a weed and was now over 6 feet tall, and, because of his size, became the target of others wanting to fight.  He also struggled with his classes, but he also became much more independent and had created his own identity.

Things continued to get worse before they got better.  Mom continued to struggle with depression, and this would continue for 20+ years.  She also battled an aggressive breast cancer resulting in a mastectomy and breast reconstruction, followed by chemo.  She was declared cancer-free last year.  Angie also continues to struggle with her anorexia, and this continues to this day.  She has been in and out of hospitals and has been unable to hold a job for any length of time.  She can't support herself, so she continues to live at home with Mom & Dad.  Darren also has struggled, but has established his independence despite job & financial difficulties.  He is now engaged to a wonderful girl with two teenage daughters of her own, and seems to have his life going in the right direction.  Dad has been the glue of our family.  All along, he has tried so hard to make sure we are all successful.  It is obvious that he continues to put the rest of us before his own happiness.

I'm convinced that what has kept us all together and sane is our faith.  God has taken such good care of us.  He is our savior, and I know that despite the hardships we've experienced, HE is the reason our lives are as blessed as they are.  I'm so thankful for all He has given us.  Life is good and gets better every day.

Bebop & Grammy

We had just entered into Canada at Niagara Falls, in the midst of a big adventure vacation.  I was driving my grandparent's Oldsmobile Ciera, with my grandmother ("Grammy") riding behind me in the backseat, and my grandfather ("Bebop") riding beside me up front.  We were following right behind the rest of my family in our Chevy conversion van (Dad, Mom, sister Angie, & brother Darren).  I was 18, less than a month after graduating from Frederick Douglass High School, the class of '87!  It was my grandparent's first vacation since my grandfather had been stricken by a debilitating stroke that paralyzed his right arm a few years before.

Bebop, as we called him because he had been a jazz trumpet player for most of his life, had also contracted polio when he was a baby, which paralyzed his right leg, forcing him to use crutches for his entire life.  This really didn't hinder him, and we never looked at him as being handicapped.  He could do whatever he wanted, except run, though he used a scooter as a child that probably moved him faster than most people could running.  Bebop was a terrific musician, and he played among many celebrities.  He was the only White member of an all-Black traditional jazz band that played at the Charles Hotel in Washington, DC, in the late 50s & 60s, led by piano player Booker Coleman.  The band also featured Slide Harris on trombone, Van Perry on bass, and Freddy Radcliff on drums, among others.  They were the band that the nationally known musicians would come to hear after doing their own gigs, which included Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis.  A favorite story is that of the Great Satchmo being persuaded to join the band for a few numbers and, since he didn't have his trumpet with him, used my grandfather's (I have a cherished picture of my grandfather and Louis posing together one particular evening).  One popular jazz magazine of the day called my grandfather the "best unknown trumpet player in the country"!  High praise, really.

On the first day of our trip, we had stopped in Uniontown, PA, to drop off our dog, Ginger, with my other grandfather, Pap.  It was the first time I could remember all three of my living grandparents together at the same time.  Pap & Bebop wore their "Old Fart" ball caps, and Grammy wore an "Old Fart's Wife" hat, and they posed for pictures.

We were about 3 days into our vacation, having spent the previous day touring Niagara Falls and having a great time.  Bebop got along fine in his motorized wheelchair/scooter, and we enjoyed the sites in the area.  That evening, we celebrated sister Angie's 16th birthday at Red Lobster, which was a fairly ritzy dinner for our family, used to eating at fast food and pizza joints.  We were really having a great time!

On Tuesday, June 30, 1987, we were driving on the QEW in Ontario, headed towards Toronto from Niagara Falls.  That's all I remember until I woke up in a Burlington, Ontario, hospital, later that afternoon, suffering from head trauma, including a nice sized, stitched-up gash just above my left eye, and a concussion.  Dad was in the hospital room, with 12-year old brother Darren, and explained that we had been in a pretty serious car accident.  He didn't answer any of my questions about what happened or if everyone was okay.  He said we could talk about it later, but I had to stay in the hospital overnight for observation.  I wasn't allowed to watch television, either, since, I later found out, our family had been featured on the local news and my Dad didn't want me to know what happened.  At least, not yet.  My room mate was a young guy around 30 with his leg in a cast.  He had a thick Canadian accent, and I actually enjoyed listening to him talk.  There were a lot of "Eh's?" in his speaking.

It was a miserable night, as the hospital nurses had to wake me up each hour to check my vitals and make sure my head injury wasn't any worse than what I had shown to that point.  The fact that I knew who my Dad and brother were, and that I knew we were on vacation with my grandparents, was indication that I hadn't suffered severe brain damage.  At one point, I woke up and discovered that I still had a head full of broken glass, so I had to get up and take an impromptu shower and they changed all of my bed linens.

The next morning, I was met by Dad and Darren again, and I was released from the hospital.  We had an appointment with the local police to talk about the accident, and we took a cab to the precinct.  It was my first ever ride in a taxi.  I was told to just answer their questions as best as I could, and if I couldn't remember something, then I should just say so.  I had no memory of the previous day after we had entered Canada and before waking up in the hospital, so I wasn't able to give them much information.  It was at this time that I was told that my grandparents had been killed in the accident, in the car I was driving, after a chain reaction multi-car pile-up resulted in a tractor-trailer hitting us from behind.  Dad then shared with me the details:

We were a 2-vehicle caravan, Dad driving the family van, and me, driving my grandparents car, about to make the merge of two major highways just outside of Burlington, southwest of Toronto, on the QEW, the main highway across Canada, and Rt. 403, another major highway.  We were in the right-hand lane at the merge.  There was a teenage girl, with her mother, driving a car in front of my dad.  I was behind their van.  There was a lot of traffic in the adjacent lane to the left, and the right lane was ending, forcing a merge situation.  Dad slowed up because he didn't want to cut off the young girl in front of him, but she wouldn't get over, slowing to a crawl.  He didn't expect her to stop, and he hit the brakes just as he lightly tapped her bumper.  I was following too closely behind Dad, and couldn't see around him to know that the lane was running out.  When he stopped, I hit the brakes and did the same thing, tapping the bumper of our van.  There was a tractor trailer behind us, who was looking back to see if traffic was clear so he could get over in the left lane, and he didn't see that we were stopped.  He rammed us from behind going full speed.  The collision squeezed the van out of the chain of cars and Dad quickly pulled over on the shoulder.  He started to get out to check the damage, and to see if everyone else was okay.  He assumed that I had pulled over, as well, not knowing exactly what happened to us.  The scene that greeted him was one of chaos.  Our car was practically destroyed, with the truck almost completely on top of our car.  Dad rushed over to my side of the car and found me slumped over the steering wheel unconscious.  He could not see my grandmother, as her seat was pushed all the way up against the back of my seat.  My grandfather was unconscious, as well.  The glass on the door has shattered, so Dad tried to pull me out.  The truck driver hopped out of his truck and tried to help.  Dad couldn't get me out with the truck where it was, so the truck driver was able to get in and back it up a little.  They were then able to loosen the seat belt and pull me out of the driver's side window.  By this time, fuel and been leaking everywhere and a fire had started.  They tried to get my grandfather out of the car, but he was just too big to fit through the window.  He never regained consciousness.  Later, according to the coroner's report, we learned he died of smoke inhalation.  My grandmother perished upon impact.  Fortunately, everyone else was okay.  Mom, Dad, Angie, & Darren were just a bit sore.  The teenage girl and her mother were okay, as was the truck driver.  The three vehicles involved in the main part of the accident were all destroyed.  The van was damaged in the front and back, but with a few repairs, it was drivable.

The rest of the day was hard.  We spent the day just trying to make sense of what had happened, and to assure everyone at home that we were okay, along with news about arrangements for my grandparents.  The media was typically relentless in trying to get their stories, and camped out in the lobby of our hotel, hoping they could talk to the Americans who were vacationing in Canada.  We went to a restaurant for dinner that evening, and it was very crowded.  Some of the diners recognized us from the news reports about the accident, and, trying to be helpful, offered to make room for us to have a table more quickly.  If nothing else, the Canadians we met were, for the most part, extremely friendly.

The police report determined that no one was to blame for the accident.  Dad protested to the police, particularly after seeing the truck in the impound lot where all of the vehicles involved in the accident were taken, and noticed that several tires on the truck were practically bald, but the police showed a diagram of the accident scene which indicated that our car was partially blocking the left merge lane, impeding the forward progress of the truck.  So, if anyone was to blame, it would be me, as well as Dad for bumping into the teenager's car.  We were basically told to "cut our losses."

We were waiting for our van to be repaired and made drivable, so to pass the time, we went to the movies.  We actually split up.  Mom & Angie went to see one movie, while Dad, Darren and I went to see SPACEBALLS.  Unfortunately, given our mood and the bad jokes used in the movie, it was hard to watch and did nothing to lift our spirits.  Late in the afternoon, we finally were able to start the long journey home.  We arrived in Uniontown at Pap's house well after midnight.  I recall Mom sobbing inconsolably.  It had been a tough drive for all of us, but particularly for Mom, as the shock of losing her parents began to wear off.  We were greeted warmly by Pap and Aunt Sandi and her family.  After a long night of rest, we headed for home, with Aunt Sandi, Mindi, Jon, & Jeff joining us.  Then it was time to return to reality.

To be continued....

Part two:  http://www.awayfromthethingsofman.com/2013/01/impact-of-accident.html

Happy Endings Only Happen in Hollywood

I tend to get a little frustrated with the way Hollywood treats death.  It seems as if characters die all the time in movies and many television shows, and the deaths are treated so lightly as to seem insignificant, unless the death is a key component of the story-line.  And maybe that's all that should be expected.  Hollywood aims to entertain, so that's all that matters, I guess.  But those of us who have experienced the loss of someone significant in our lives know only too well just how difficult it is to recover from something so traumatic.  And that's where Hollywood could learn a few lessons.

There are either five or seven stages of grief:  (Shock), Denial, Anger, (Guilt), Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  One can go through these stages in a different order, or pass through some of them more than once, but these are fairly common.  Rarely do you see Hollywood characters go through all or even some of these stages, though.  There either isn't enough time, or they just aren't important enough to focus on.

A common story-line in movies and television shows is to have someone's spouse die in a horrific accident or due to a long illness.  The surviving spouse is shown to go through exaggerated stages of grief.  Depending on the length of the movie or show (which can stretch across several episodes), the character may even seek professional health.  But in almost every case, the survivor is able to find love again very quickly.  This may be true with a small handful of individuals in real life, but more often that not, it may take a few years before that person is even ready to start dating, let alone fall in love again.  But it happens over and over again in Hollywood.  Since we rarely get to see the character in a long-term relationship, one can only guess as to the problems the characters encounter as their relationship progresses.  But the Hollywood script is one that ends with, "...and they lived happily ever after."

I guess I get frustrated because I am one of those who hasn't found a new love relationship, at least one that's stuck, even after over nine years as a surviving spouse.  Certainly not by choice, especially now, but Hollywood has no idea how hard it is to go through such a traumatic event, and "move on".  Even one of the better examples out of Hollywood, the show GO ON, which I've blogged about in the past, has taken its' main character back into the dating world.  By my count, it's only been a few months since his wife died, but in true Hollywood fashion, he's already sleeping with his first date.  If only real life were that easy.

This whole thing is probably more a reflection of the absence of God in much of the media that surrounds us. By not having Christian beliefs "complicate" the characters, the makers of these movies and shows are able to create more "entertainment" for the viewers by bringing the characters into new relationships much more quickly, since I'm sure they wouldn't want the characters to have to take the time to actually go through real life situations.  Unfortunately, it's probably true that the viewers aren't looking for that kind of thing, anyway.  However, they do create unrealistic expectations for those individuals who have gone through these experiences and may be hoping to move on.  Hollywood won't listen, though.  That's not their job.  They just want to entertain.  Reality doesn't always have a happy ending.  But, with God, it can.

TV on the Tivo!

I watch more TV than I should, and I know it.  Always have.  When I was married, we watched TV regularly, and we bought a Tivo well into our marriage to organize our TV watching.  In fact, 10 years later, I'm still using our original Tivo, and have added a couple more.  I recently went through my Season Pass on my HD Tivo to see what I've been recording regularly, and thought I'd share my list of shows right here:

• Go On - I've blogged about this show before, starring Matthew Perry, about a widower who is a sports radio host and attends a therapy group with a bunch of odd characters.  The show has its moments, and I find myself laughing out loud, but the main appeal to me is the fact that the writers have approached the subject of loss very honestly.  The characters have heart, and, as a widower, I can relate to Perry's character.  Great show, even if it is a bit quirky and predictable at times.
• Big Bang Theory - This is another laugh out loud funny show.  The characters and situations are hilarious, and there really isn't another show like it on TV.  It goes for cheap laughs at times, however, and that can be a detractor.
• The Amazing Race - I still remember watching the very first episode of the first season of this show, and I was immediately sucked in.  I've not missed a show since.  Teresa, my wife, and I watched it regularly, and now I watch it with my daughter.  The best of the reality "contest" shows, mostly because it doesn't deal with voting someone off like so many other shows.  This is a race around the world, and if you're the last one to arrive at the finish line of each leg, you're out.  That's the way it should be.
• The Walking Dead - Definitely not for kids, and one of the scariest, violent, and grossest shows on TV.  But it is well-written, has deeply developed characters, and deals with the fun topic of zombies.  It works, for what it is.
• Homeland - This is one of the few pay-cable TV series that I watch, but I got sucked in to the political intrigue and thrilling CIA-themed storylines.  The language is distracting, and the sex is gratuitious and uneeded, but I like the lead actress and the plots are riveting.
• Grimm - Fantasy-horror show that isn't for kids, about a cop who can "see" monsters hiding as humans, and battles them regularly.  Interesting show, and pretty well-developed characters.
• Parenthood - I don't always agree with the politics, and I get frustrated with some of the themes and storylines, but this is still a well-written, well-acted show about an extended family and the drama that occurs in their lives.
• The Office - Hilarious show.  Very tasteless and un-politically correct, and not nearly as funny as earlier seasons, but acting is just great.  And funny.
• Modern Family - Another funny show.  Similar in style to The Office, with characters talking directly to the camera, but the characters are so quirky and funny.
• Last Man Standing - Tim Allen is a funny guy, and this show is the perfect vehicle for him.  The show has a conservative slant, and the actors do a great job with the script.
• How I Met Your Mother - I watch this out of habit than anything else.  This is a Friends rip-off that gets a little too cutesy at times, and can be very tasteless at others.  I love the actress who plays Robin.
• Malibu Country - Only reason I watch this show is for Lily Tomlin, who is hilarious.
• America's Funniest Home Videos - STILL one of the funniest shows on TV.  One of my daughter's favorites, too.
• Hawaii Five-O - Good action-cop-drama show set in Hawaii.  Good characters and writing, but tends to be a little too violent at times.  Love the Hawaii setting.
• Shark Tank - Entertaining show about people trying to "sell" their company to rich folks to get them to invest.
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Craig is one of the best, funniest, and entertaining late night hosts on TV.  Wish he didn't always go for the tasteless jokes, but very funny, nonetheless.
• Finding Bigfoot - Fun show.  I'm a skeptic, but it's fun to watch these guys wander thru the woods around the country looking for what they think is a big, hairy giant that no one has ever gotten a decent picture of to prove they exist.
• Destination Truth - Entertaining show about a group of adventurers and monster hunters.
• Swamp People - Alligator hunters in the bayou.
• Top Gear - I'm a car buff, and these Brits can be very funny in their typically English style.  The cars are great!
• Top Gear - Loud American version of the British show.  Sophmoric at times, but I'm still addicted to the cars and stunts.
• Counting Cars - Custom car designer in Las Vegas.  I love cars, especially the muscle cars from the 60s & 70s, and they feature them often.
• Texas Car Wars - Another car show.  Teams bid on junked cars, then take them back to their garages to fix them up and sell them.
• Overhaulin' - More car stuff!  Custom cars designed from junk.
• Falling Skies - Interesting sci-fi show in a similar vein to the Walking Dead, except with aliens instead of zombies.  Apocolyptic, futuristic setting.
• The Great Escape - From the makers of the Amazing Race, this is about 3 teams of two people who must escape from a prison, or a ship, or an abandoned building, or other similar location, to win money.  Each episode is stand-alone, unlike the Amazing Race.
• Wipeout - Fun show about crazy, off-beat folks who compete in obstacle courses.
• Wrecks to Riches - Another show about fixing up junky muscle cars.
• Only in America with Larry The Cable Guy - Larry The Cable Guy is funny.  He travels the country and gets into situations and we laugh.
• Diners, Drive-ins and Dives - Guy Fieri's show about offbeat restaurants around the country.  The food looks like it tastes great, and this show is the reason I don't like to eat at chains when I'm traveling.
• Insane Coaster Wars - Not sure if this is a series or just a summer show, but anything about roller coasters is good enough for us!
• MythBusters - Great show about a couple of stunt guys who try to prove whether myths can be busted.
• Gravity Falls - Animated show on Disney about a sister & brother who live with their strange uncle and weird things happen to them and the nearby town.  Fun show!  I've stopped at places similar to the "Mystery Shack" the uncle runs.
• Mork & Mindy - Classic sit-com starring Robin Williams about an alien living on Earth.  Spin-off of Happy Days.
• Happy Days - My favorite show of all time!  Classic 70s sit-com set in the Fifties.  Richie Cunningham was my role model.  Most guys wanted to be like the Fonz.  I wanted to be like Richie.
• Phineas and Ferb - Another fun animated show on Disney.  Show is written for kids with in-jokes for adults.
• Laverne & Shirley - Another classic sit-com spin-off from Happy Days.  Lenny & Squiggy are as funny as Abbott & Costello and Laurel & Hardy.

Comments appreciated!

Soapbox: Wake Up, Guys!

Why do so many men self-destruct their marriages for sinful reasons??? Don't they realize what they have? If the divorced women I know are any example, these men have sacrificed the stability of their families and hurt a loving, dedicated partner, only for a fleeting, temporary happiness. These women and their children deserve better (and I know it can go the other way, too, but I'm focusing on the guys here). I'm sick of seeing this lack of respect for marriage and destruction of family, and I can't help but believe it is a result of keeping God out of the relationship. Wake up, guys!

Here We Go...

A lot of my friends are Baltimore Ravens fans.  I'm a life-long Pittsburgh Steelers fan.  Unfortunately, the Steelers and Ravens have become rivals due to the fact that they are in the same division in the NFL's AFC North, and they are both pretty good year after year.  And when they play against each other, at least twice each season, the games are almost always bitterly close, with only a few points separating them.  But it also puts me on the opposite side of the fence when it comes to rooting for my team when my friends are rooting for theirs.  And that's fine, as long as we don't allow that rooting to spill over into and affect our friendships.  And that has been the case.  I believe we're all intelligent enough to understand how it works.  It would be  ridiculous to allow our love of our teams to affect our friendships.

There are, however, acquaintances of mine who can't understand why I can live in the Baltimore area and not be a Ravens fan.  And they especially can't understand why I can be Steelers fan.  Many believe that it's expected to root for the local team.  In fact, if that were the case, I should've been rooting for the Washington Redskins, since I actually live closer to DC than I do Baltimore.  It's really simple, though, and it has everything to do with the fact that I was raised by my Western Pennsylvania-native father as a Steelers fan.

I was born in 1969, which was the same year that Chuck Noll was hired as the coach of the Steelers, and "Mean" Joe Greene was his first draft choice.  One could argue that this was the beginning of the Steelers reign as an elite team in the NFL.  They started to really have success a few years later, with the "Immaculate Reception" in their first playoff win in 1972, and their fanatic fan base finally had a winner after almost 30 years of losing, since the team's inception.  My childhood was filled with Super Bowl wins by the Steelers, and by the time I was 10 years old, the Steelers had 4 Super Bowl wins, more than double what any other team had.  That made an impression on me.  My Dad and I watched many of the games together and those experiences were really wonderful.

Baltimore had the Colts.  I actually liked the Colts, but I really didn't pay much attention to them since I liked the Steelers better.  But I was sad to see them leave Baltimore for Indianapolis in the mid-80s.  It was brutally unfair to the city of Baltimore, and I shared their loss.  But football goes on, and though the Steelers were not having the success they had previously, I was still a diehard fan.

In the mid-90s, the Cleveland Browns moved to Baltimore and became the Ravens.  The Steelers were having great success at the time, and I paid little attention to this "new" team in Baltimore.  Of course, some of my friends, mostly those who had been fans of the Colts, adopted the Ravens as their team, and that's natural.  Since they no longer had a team in Baltimore until the Ravens came along, it would be easy to be a fan.  Since I had always been a Steelers fan, I wasn't about to all of a sudden change my allegiance to some new team, just because they were in the area I lived in.  As the Ravens got better and had success of their own, the games against the Steelers took on much more meaning, and a true rivalry developed, which exists to this day.

My Steelers remain successful, having appeared in three more Super Bowls over the past several years, winning two of them.  They are, as of right now, the only team with six Super Bowl wins.  The Ravens have had a nice run of playoff appearances, and even have a Super Bowl win of their own.  The teams have arguably the best rivalry in professional sports.  But I will never be a Ravens fan.  My Steelers continue to be my team.  I bleed black & gold.  I only hope my Ravens acquaintances can accept that.  And so I will NOT be rooting for the Ravens today in their second round playoff game versus the Denver Broncos.  Why would I root for a bitter rival?  Go Steelers!

My Inner Coffee Drinker

The Christmas season is my favorite time of year.  The colors, music, decorations, time with family & friends, Advent, Christ's birth, performing plays or shows at Church, buying presents, taking time off from work.... it all adds up to a wonderful time of year, as the song says.  I know a lot of what I love stems from my childhood experiences, but I guess I feel like a big kid now, and still enjoy so many aspects of the season.

Santa Claus visits our home and provides much happiness to the whole family.  My daughter receives three gifts from Santa each Christmas, just as the Christ-child received three gifts from the wise men.  My family goes way overboard with our gift-giving every year, and this year was no exception.  In fact, I received a wonderful gift this year, one of the best I've ever gotten:  a Keurig coffee maker!

Who knew?  I only drank coffee for a short time as a student in college, not really liking the taste and only wanting the caffeine pick-me-up.  I would drink it during finals week as an assist to my studying.  I preferred my caffeine through normal cola drinking, particularly Jolt, with twice the caffeine and sugar as other sodas, but thought coffee was better for me, at least during a time when I needed to have my wits about me.  It didn't help my grades, though, and so it didn't take.  I just didn't care for the taste.  No matter how much dressing up I did to it, I still couldn't acquire a taste for it.

When I was a kid, most of the adults in my life drank coffee, and it was clear that it was a grown up thing.  As I got older, I still didn't think I was "old enough" to drink coffee, so I never started, and never took an interest in trying it.

My boss told me I needed to start drinking coffee at work for social reasons, and, since he tends to be a bit "forceful" in a peer-pressure-y way, he talked me into trying it one morning.  I still wasn't convinced I liked it, but I did enjoy the caffeine jump it provided, especially since I was looking for alternatives to soda (which came about after my diabetes diagnosis).  So I began getting a cup of French Vanilla coffee at our coffee shop in the lobby of our building, and even got to know the Korean owner and his wife, Han & Sue. But I was only drinking a cup a day, and only at work.  The last thing I needed was to get hooked on Starbucks and other gourmet coffees, and I did not want a coffee maker at home.  It didn't make sense, and I didn't want the extra chore of having to clean a coffee pot everyday.

Enter the Keurig.  Mom has one, and she showed me some of coffee flavors she uses, and, just like that, I was hooked.  Mom is a coffee connoisseur, and she guided me through the coffee-making process.  Talk about easy!  So Mom got me my own Keurig for Christmas.  It may be the best present I received this year!  I think I'm making at least 2 or 3 cups per day, not just coffee, but cappuccino, cider, and other flavors.  I may end up getting one for the office, too, so I can be anti-social and drink it in the privacy of my own office.  Ironic, since I was talked into drinking coffee at work for the social aspects.

Remembering Pap

I wrote this a few years ago for a tribute book about my Grandfather, Chester "Pap" Freed...

I think about Pap (“Pap-Pap Hair”) a lot, and I have such wonderful memories of this wonderful man.  I’m so thankful that God allowed me to spend so much time with him, despite my living most of my life about 200 miles away.  I wish I had as many fond memories of Grandma, but she just wasn’t as much a part of my childhood like Pap was.  And, more importantly, I spent time with Pap as an adult, and I truly believed he helped shape me into the man I am today.  Mom and Dad get most of the credit, but I am so happy that I was able to spend so much one-on-one time with Pap during those early adult years.

Some of my earliest memories of Pap center on the old Hopwood house.  I remember always getting to sleep in Pap’s bed when we would visit. It wasn’t quite the honor you might think, since Pap’s snoring could wake the dead, and I spent most of the night listening to the “thunder” in the bed next to me and staring at the head with the knife in it’s mouth hanging from the ceiling in the “blue” bedroom (and those of you who’ve slept in that room probably know about that head).  That old house sure was spooky.  Another time, I remember Angie and I sleeping in the attic bedroom and hearing the fire alarm at the fire station up the street go off in the middle of the night and us being scared to death!  Anyway, Pap would wake up at the crack of dawn (and usually even earlier).  I pretended to be asleep until he left the room, and then I would follow him all the way down to the basement and watch him shovel coal into the furnace.  I don’t know if he knew I was watching him or not.  When he finished shoveling coal, he went into the Barber Shop, I guess to prepare it for the day’s customers. I remember one morning watching him put on these big boots. He went into the Barber Shop and it was flooded with about a foot of water. He just swept it all outside with a broom.

The kitchen always smelled like syrup to me, and it seemed like Pap was always cooking something.  We always had pancakes (“hotcakes”) for breakfast. And I ate a lot of peanut butter fudge.  Much later, during Pap’s “bachelor” days at Hague Lane, Pap regularly made his “famous” chili with everything (and I do mean everything!).

Pap gave me many haircuts over the years. I always first asked Mom if it was okay, and she would say, “Okay, but just ask for a light trim.”  Of course, since Pap cut everyone’s hair pretty much the same way, a light trim didn’t mean much, and I wouldn’t have a whole lot of hair left on my head when he was done.  But I always got a lollipop from him.  Years later, in my teens, when I wore my hair much thicker and Pap hadn’t cut my hair in several years, Dad & Uncle Jim (Freed) talked me into letting Pap cut my hair.  Pap got out those big vacuum clippers and pretty much sucked all of the hair off from around my ears.  I was mortified, and I truly thought I looked like Bozo the Clown! Thank goodness it was summer and my hair would grow back before I went back to school.

But, as a kid, I used to just sit in the Barber Shop all morning and watch Pap give his customers their shave and a haircut.  He also would give me a bottle of pop to drink.  To this day, whenever I drink a strawberry pop, my favorite, I think of him and the Barber Shop.

Another neat memory was when, just before that fateful and tragic trip my family and I took to Canada in 1987, we and my Mom’s parents stopped in Uniontown to drop off our dog, Ginger, who

Pap was going to watch while we were on vacation.  It was one of the few times, in my memory, that all of my living grandparents were together, which was just so cool (“neat”, “awesome”) to me. Pap and Bebop (my other grandfather) wore matching hats that said “Old Fart”, and my grandmother (Grammy) wore one that said “Old Fart’s Wife”.  It made for a great picture. That was the last time they were all together.

After high school, I was fortunate to be able to drive by myself from Maryland to Uniontown, and I made many, many solo trips to visit with Pap.  What a wonderful time that was, and I am so thankful for every opportunity I had to spend one-on-one time with Pap.  He and I would talk for hours, and he passed along so much knowledge and advice. He once told me that one of the greatest things in life was the pursuit of a woman.  I’m sure the lessons he taught me about the Fairer Sex were what helped me, years later, in choosing a wife.

I usually arrived at Pap’s on a Friday afternoon, and Pap was always sitting in his comforter in front of the big screen T.V., with the sound loud enough to hear from the top of the hill on Hague Lane. Pap couldn’t always see the volume button on the remote, so he just left it the volume where it was, regardless of how loud it was. When I visited with Pap, all I needed was a sleeping bag, and I would camp out each night on the dining room floor.  Unfortunately, Pap was an early riser, and every morning he would wake up at the crack of dawn (I know the Hague Lane house didn’t have a coal furnace!).  He went into the kitchen, turned on the radio, then went to the front door, went outside (slamming the storm door behind him) to get his newspaper, and returned to the kitchen to drink his coffee.  I guess he either forgot I was there, or he was hoping I might wake up and make him some hotcakes for breakfast.

On September 6, 1992, almost one year before he entered the Gates of Heaven, I was honored to be the one to present him when he was entered into the Hopwood UMC Hall of Fame. Much of the family was there, including Mom & Dad, Aunt Nancy & Uncle Jack, Aunt Rosey & Uncle Jim, Uncle Paul & Aunt Charlotte, Aunt Sandi, Mindy, Aunt Karen & Uncle Dick, Mark, Mandy, JJ, and Aunt Minnie.  I still don’t know why I was given such an honor, but Pap certainly was deserving of the Hall of Fame honors.  I was nervous, but stood at the front of the church with Pap and read the biography of his life that was printed in the bulletin. Afterwards, we all had lunch at the Sun Porch.  It was a great time.

On Easter weekend in April, 1993, I visited with Pap and took him to Hopwood UMC for the Easter service. Aunt Sandi invited us over to her apartment for Easter dinner.  Taking advantage of the beautiful weather that day, I opened up the t-tops on my 442 and we drove over to her place. Pap really seemed to enjoy the drive.  That was a wonderful weekend in so many ways, but it was also the last weekend I saw him before his cancer was diagnosed as terminal.

  

God works in mysterious ways.  The summer of 1993, I was working in a temporary position in the office that would later hire me permanently (and where I still work to this day).  Due to the way the job was set up, I had used up all of the allowable hours and I stopped working at the beginning of August.  This allowed me to spend a great deal of time in Uniontown with Pap during his last days. It was a sad time, but being together with so much of the family for such a concentrated amount of

time is such a warm memory to me.  There was just so much love in that house during that time.  I enjoyed spending so much time with everyone, despite the circumstances.

Pap eventually got to the point where it was difficult for him to stand up on his own, and we would pull him up and place him in one of the kitchen chairs. We would roll him from his room to the bathroom. Then, one night, when many of us were sitting around the kitchen table playing cards, we heard the bathroom door close. We all looked at each other, silently counting heads, trying to figure out who had just gone into the bathroom. Pap had surprised us all by getting up all on his own.

The last couple of days of Pap’s earthly life were so difficult, watching a man with so much life slowly dying.   For two straight days the nurse would wake everyone and we would gather around Pap’s bed, praying and telling him it was okay to let go. Pap held on, though, as if waiting for something. Dan and Erin McCusker were the last to arrive, late the night before Pap’s birthday.  I believe Pap was waiting for them.  I think there’s something grand about making it to his 83^rd birthday, and maybe that was also what he was waiting for.  But, that morning, I will never forget holding his hand during his last few breaths, seeing him suddenly open his eyes (I believe he was getting his first glimpse of the face of Jesus), and then slowly closing again as his body breathed its last.

Teresa, my wife, used to tease me when I talked about “growing up” in Uniontown.  She told me she could see the pride in my face and words as I described my love for Pap.  She mentioned many times that she wished she could have met him.  Ironically, she would get that chance, much sooner than any of us could imagine, and I truly believe their meeting in Heaven was a grand and glorious occasion.

Many of us, especially the grandkids, were asked to speak at Pap’s funeral service at Hopwood, and Jeff McCusker ended up being the only one to speak.  I felt bad at the time, but I just didn’t have the words.  I did write some things down that day, and I just discovered them while typing this up. So I’ll end with what I wrote then:

“I still think Pap was one of the greatest individuals I ever knew, and even if you met him only once, you would come away knowing that you’ve met someone wonderful.  And today, he is getting the ultimate reward – eternal life in God’s Kingdom, and he truly deserves it.  Thanks, Pap, for everything.”

I’m looking forward to seeing him again.  I’ll bet it’ll be a great reunion. 

Online Dating Escapades

I've been doing this online dating thing for a few months now, and I'm actually pretty happy.  I met a wonderful young lady with whom I seem to have a lot in common.  We've been dating a few weeks now and there seems to be mutual interest in and attraction to each other.  We've talked about having God at the center of our relationship, and it's apparent He is guiding us both in so many ways.  I like the direction we're going.  I am legitimately excited.  We even share the same birthday (we were born on the same day, in the same year)!

This online dating is really frustrating, though, and I'm really glad that my membership runs out in a few weeks.  While it appears that I've had success, it wasn't so easy getting there and I'm still not sure I would recommend it.  It can be frustrating to get messages from women who either don't read all the way through my profile, or just ignore my listed preferences.  I've heard from many women well outside my distance preferences, and regularly get contacted by women significantly above my age range.  Then there are the women that send me messages questioning my preferences, as if I don't know who I'm looking for since they don't match up with me.

I received a message from a young lady last evening who took the time to compliment me on my profile, but then take me to task for expressing my preferences in my profile because she didn't match one of them.  So she is upset at me because she doesn't meet my "requirements".  She closed her message by insulting me.  Since she didn't specify which "requirement" she was upset about, I looked at her profile and discovered that we had very little in common, and there were multiple areas where we didn't match.  I took a guess and figured that her issue must have been with my distance preferences.  She lives in northwestern Virginia, just a bit outside of the area I prefer.  So I decided to write her back.  I apologized to her for being so picky, and I gave reasons for choosing my preferences as I did, which are based on my experiences with online dating, specifically focusing on the distance issues (I've done long-distance relationships and found they just don't work for me).  I did question her as to why she chose to send a message to me if it was only to criticize me, as that seemed to be an unusual way of looking for online dates.  Additionally, I made a point of mentioning that it appeared we had very little in common.  She wrote back rather quickly early this morning to let me know that her criticism had to do with my education "requirements".  She assumed that, because I listed that my matches have a degree, then that ruled her, and potentially many other dates, out of the running before we even began communication.  She said that, even though she had just started online dating after her 18-year marriage failed, my profile was the first that she had seen that had so many "requirements".  She again insulted me, this time for being "close-minded", and wished me good luck in my "conquest".

Of course, she's right.  Even though I argued that these were only preferences, not "requirements", I shouldn't rule out anyone who could be a potential match just because of an educational background.  The only defense I can give is that I honestly assumed that this preference would only come up in searches, and could not be seen on my profile.  That's no excuse, though.  I know better.

The other side to this is the anger that is shown to someone you've never met only because they have preferences you don't match up with.  I don't get that.

This dating site has been a mixed bag, honestly.  I'm pleased to have found someone I really like who matches up well with me.  But the negatives far out-weigh the positives.  In a future post I will share another story about a phishing scam I fell for involving an uncut-diamond-dealing, rich philanthropist who tried to get me to commit my love to her even though we hadn't met, and even though her profile, which said she was divorced from Oregon, didn't match her background as a widow from Spain.  You can't make this stuff up.  Maybe I can sell the movie rights to Lifetime Network?  That is, if they haven't already made this movie.