Bebop & Grammy

We had just entered into Canada at Niagara Falls, in the midst of a big adventure vacation.  I was driving my grandparent's Oldsmobile Ciera, with my grandmother ("Grammy") riding behind me in the backseat, and my grandfather ("Bebop") riding beside me up front.  We were following right behind the rest of my family in our Chevy conversion van (Dad, Mom, sister Angie, & brother Darren).  I was 18, less than a month after graduating from Frederick Douglass High School, the class of '87!  It was my grandparent's first vacation since my grandfather had been stricken by a debilitating stroke that paralyzed his right arm a few years before.

Bebop, as we called him because he had been a jazz trumpet player for most of his life, had also contracted polio when he was a baby, which paralyzed his right leg, forcing him to use crutches for his entire life.  This really didn't hinder him, and we never looked at him as being handicapped.  He could do whatever he wanted, except run, though he used a scooter as a child that probably moved him faster than most people could running.  Bebop was a terrific musician, and he played among many celebrities.  He was the only White member of an all-Black traditional jazz band that played at the Charles Hotel in Washington, DC, in the late 50s & 60s, led by piano player Booker Coleman.  The band also featured Slide Harris on trombone, Van Perry on bass, and Freddy Radcliff on drums, among others.  They were the band that the nationally known musicians would come to hear after doing their own gigs, which included Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis.  A favorite story is that of the Great Satchmo being persuaded to join the band for a few numbers and, since he didn't have his trumpet with him, used my grandfather's (I have a cherished picture of my grandfather and Louis posing together one particular evening).  One popular jazz magazine of the day called my grandfather the "best unknown trumpet player in the country"!  High praise, really.

On the first day of our trip, we had stopped in Uniontown, PA, to drop off our dog, Ginger, with my other grandfather, Pap.  It was the first time I could remember all three of my living grandparents together at the same time.  Pap & Bebop wore their "Old Fart" ball caps, and Grammy wore an "Old Fart's Wife" hat, and they posed for pictures.

We were about 3 days into our vacation, having spent the previous day touring Niagara Falls and having a great time.  Bebop got along fine in his motorized wheelchair/scooter, and we enjoyed the sites in the area.  That evening, we celebrated sister Angie's 16th birthday at Red Lobster, which was a fairly ritzy dinner for our family, used to eating at fast food and pizza joints.  We were really having a great time!

On Tuesday, June 30, 1987, we were driving on the QEW in Ontario, headed towards Toronto from Niagara Falls.  That's all I remember until I woke up in a Burlington, Ontario, hospital, later that afternoon, suffering from head trauma, including a nice sized, stitched-up gash just above my left eye, and a concussion.  Dad was in the hospital room, with 12-year old brother Darren, and explained that we had been in a pretty serious car accident.  He didn't answer any of my questions about what happened or if everyone was okay.  He said we could talk about it later, but I had to stay in the hospital overnight for observation.  I wasn't allowed to watch television, either, since, I later found out, our family had been featured on the local news and my Dad didn't want me to know what happened.  At least, not yet.  My room mate was a young guy around 30 with his leg in a cast.  He had a thick Canadian accent, and I actually enjoyed listening to him talk.  There were a lot of "Eh's?" in his speaking.

It was a miserable night, as the hospital nurses had to wake me up each hour to check my vitals and make sure my head injury wasn't any worse than what I had shown to that point.  The fact that I knew who my Dad and brother were, and that I knew we were on vacation with my grandparents, was indication that I hadn't suffered severe brain damage.  At one point, I woke up and discovered that I still had a head full of broken glass, so I had to get up and take an impromptu shower and they changed all of my bed linens.

The next morning, I was met by Dad and Darren again, and I was released from the hospital.  We had an appointment with the local police to talk about the accident, and we took a cab to the precinct.  It was my first ever ride in a taxi.  I was told to just answer their questions as best as I could, and if I couldn't remember something, then I should just say so.  I had no memory of the previous day after we had entered Canada and before waking up in the hospital, so I wasn't able to give them much information.  It was at this time that I was told that my grandparents had been killed in the accident, in the car I was driving, after a chain reaction multi-car pile-up resulted in a tractor-trailer hitting us from behind.  Dad then shared with me the details:

We were a 2-vehicle caravan, Dad driving the family van, and me, driving my grandparents car, about to make the merge of two major highways just outside of Burlington, southwest of Toronto, on the QEW, the main highway across Canada, and Rt. 403, another major highway.  We were in the right-hand lane at the merge.  There was a teenage girl, with her mother, driving a car in front of my dad.  I was behind their van.  There was a lot of traffic in the adjacent lane to the left, and the right lane was ending, forcing a merge situation.  Dad slowed up because he didn't want to cut off the young girl in front of him, but she wouldn't get over, slowing to a crawl.  He didn't expect her to stop, and he hit the brakes just as he lightly tapped her bumper.  I was following too closely behind Dad, and couldn't see around him to know that the lane was running out.  When he stopped, I hit the brakes and did the same thing, tapping the bumper of our van.  There was a tractor trailer behind us, who was looking back to see if traffic was clear so he could get over in the left lane, and he didn't see that we were stopped.  He rammed us from behind going full speed.  The collision squeezed the van out of the chain of cars and Dad quickly pulled over on the shoulder.  He started to get out to check the damage, and to see if everyone else was okay.  He assumed that I had pulled over, as well, not knowing exactly what happened to us.  The scene that greeted him was one of chaos.  Our car was practically destroyed, with the truck almost completely on top of our car.  Dad rushed over to my side of the car and found me slumped over the steering wheel unconscious.  He could not see my grandmother, as her seat was pushed all the way up against the back of my seat.  My grandfather was unconscious, as well.  The glass on the door has shattered, so Dad tried to pull me out.  The truck driver hopped out of his truck and tried to help.  Dad couldn't get me out with the truck where it was, so the truck driver was able to get in and back it up a little.  They were then able to loosen the seat belt and pull me out of the driver's side window.  By this time, fuel and been leaking everywhere and a fire had started.  They tried to get my grandfather out of the car, but he was just too big to fit through the window.  He never regained consciousness.  Later, according to the coroner's report, we learned he died of smoke inhalation.  My grandmother perished upon impact.  Fortunately, everyone else was okay.  Mom, Dad, Angie, & Darren were just a bit sore.  The teenage girl and her mother were okay, as was the truck driver.  The three vehicles involved in the main part of the accident were all destroyed.  The van was damaged in the front and back, but with a few repairs, it was drivable.

The rest of the day was hard.  We spent the day just trying to make sense of what had happened, and to assure everyone at home that we were okay, along with news about arrangements for my grandparents.  The media was typically relentless in trying to get their stories, and camped out in the lobby of our hotel, hoping they could talk to the Americans who were vacationing in Canada.  We went to a restaurant for dinner that evening, and it was very crowded.  Some of the diners recognized us from the news reports about the accident, and, trying to be helpful, offered to make room for us to have a table more quickly.  If nothing else, the Canadians we met were, for the most part, extremely friendly.

The police report determined that no one was to blame for the accident.  Dad protested to the police, particularly after seeing the truck in the impound lot where all of the vehicles involved in the accident were taken, and noticed that several tires on the truck were practically bald, but the police showed a diagram of the accident scene which indicated that our car was partially blocking the left merge lane, impeding the forward progress of the truck.  So, if anyone was to blame, it would be me, as well as Dad for bumping into the teenager's car.  We were basically told to "cut our losses."

We were waiting for our van to be repaired and made drivable, so to pass the time, we went to the movies.  We actually split up.  Mom & Angie went to see one movie, while Dad, Darren and I went to see SPACEBALLS.  Unfortunately, given our mood and the bad jokes used in the movie, it was hard to watch and did nothing to lift our spirits.  Late in the afternoon, we finally were able to start the long journey home.  We arrived in Uniontown at Pap's house well after midnight.  I recall Mom sobbing inconsolably.  It had been a tough drive for all of us, but particularly for Mom, as the shock of losing her parents began to wear off.  We were greeted warmly by Pap and Aunt Sandi and her family.  After a long night of rest, we headed for home, with Aunt Sandi, Mindi, Jon, & Jeff joining us.  Then it was time to return to reality.

To be continued....

Part two:  http://www.awayfromthethingsofman.com/2013/01/impact-of-accident.html

Happy Endings Only Happen in Hollywood

I tend to get a little frustrated with the way Hollywood treats death.  It seems as if characters die all the time in movies and many television shows, and the deaths are treated so lightly as to seem insignificant, unless the death is a key component of the story-line.  And maybe that's all that should be expected.  Hollywood aims to entertain, so that's all that matters, I guess.  But those of us who have experienced the loss of someone significant in our lives know only too well just how difficult it is to recover from something so traumatic.  And that's where Hollywood could learn a few lessons.

There are either five or seven stages of grief:  (Shock), Denial, Anger, (Guilt), Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  One can go through these stages in a different order, or pass through some of them more than once, but these are fairly common.  Rarely do you see Hollywood characters go through all or even some of these stages, though.  There either isn't enough time, or they just aren't important enough to focus on.

A common story-line in movies and television shows is to have someone's spouse die in a horrific accident or due to a long illness.  The surviving spouse is shown to go through exaggerated stages of grief.  Depending on the length of the movie or show (which can stretch across several episodes), the character may even seek professional health.  But in almost every case, the survivor is able to find love again very quickly.  This may be true with a small handful of individuals in real life, but more often that not, it may take a few years before that person is even ready to start dating, let alone fall in love again.  But it happens over and over again in Hollywood.  Since we rarely get to see the character in a long-term relationship, one can only guess as to the problems the characters encounter as their relationship progresses.  But the Hollywood script is one that ends with, "...and they lived happily ever after."

I guess I get frustrated because I am one of those who hasn't found a new love relationship, at least one that's stuck, even after over nine years as a surviving spouse.  Certainly not by choice, especially now, but Hollywood has no idea how hard it is to go through such a traumatic event, and "move on".  Even one of the better examples out of Hollywood, the show GO ON, which I've blogged about in the past, has taken its' main character back into the dating world.  By my count, it's only been a few months since his wife died, but in true Hollywood fashion, he's already sleeping with his first date.  If only real life were that easy.

This whole thing is probably more a reflection of the absence of God in much of the media that surrounds us. By not having Christian beliefs "complicate" the characters, the makers of these movies and shows are able to create more "entertainment" for the viewers by bringing the characters into new relationships much more quickly, since I'm sure they wouldn't want the characters to have to take the time to actually go through real life situations.  Unfortunately, it's probably true that the viewers aren't looking for that kind of thing, anyway.  However, they do create unrealistic expectations for those individuals who have gone through these experiences and may be hoping to move on.  Hollywood won't listen, though.  That's not their job.  They just want to entertain.  Reality doesn't always have a happy ending.  But, with God, it can.

TV on the Tivo!

I watch more TV than I should, and I know it.  Always have.  When I was married, we watched TV regularly, and we bought a Tivo well into our marriage to organize our TV watching.  In fact, 10 years later, I'm still using our original Tivo, and have added a couple more.  I recently went through my Season Pass on my HD Tivo to see what I've been recording regularly, and thought I'd share my list of shows right here:

• Go On - I've blogged about this show before, starring Matthew Perry, about a widower who is a sports radio host and attends a therapy group with a bunch of odd characters.  The show has its moments, and I find myself laughing out loud, but the main appeal to me is the fact that the writers have approached the subject of loss very honestly.  The characters have heart, and, as a widower, I can relate to Perry's character.  Great show, even if it is a bit quirky and predictable at times.
• Big Bang Theory - This is another laugh out loud funny show.  The characters and situations are hilarious, and there really isn't another show like it on TV.  It goes for cheap laughs at times, however, and that can be a detractor.
• The Amazing Race - I still remember watching the very first episode of the first season of this show, and I was immediately sucked in.  I've not missed a show since.  Teresa, my wife, and I watched it regularly, and now I watch it with my daughter.  The best of the reality "contest" shows, mostly because it doesn't deal with voting someone off like so many other shows.  This is a race around the world, and if you're the last one to arrive at the finish line of each leg, you're out.  That's the way it should be.
• The Walking Dead - Definitely not for kids, and one of the scariest, violent, and grossest shows on TV.  But it is well-written, has deeply developed characters, and deals with the fun topic of zombies.  It works, for what it is.
• Homeland - This is one of the few pay-cable TV series that I watch, but I got sucked in to the political intrigue and thrilling CIA-themed storylines.  The language is distracting, and the sex is gratuitious and uneeded, but I like the lead actress and the plots are riveting.
• Grimm - Fantasy-horror show that isn't for kids, about a cop who can "see" monsters hiding as humans, and battles them regularly.  Interesting show, and pretty well-developed characters.
• Parenthood - I don't always agree with the politics, and I get frustrated with some of the themes and storylines, but this is still a well-written, well-acted show about an extended family and the drama that occurs in their lives.
• The Office - Hilarious show.  Very tasteless and un-politically correct, and not nearly as funny as earlier seasons, but acting is just great.  And funny.
• Modern Family - Another funny show.  Similar in style to The Office, with characters talking directly to the camera, but the characters are so quirky and funny.
• Last Man Standing - Tim Allen is a funny guy, and this show is the perfect vehicle for him.  The show has a conservative slant, and the actors do a great job with the script.
• How I Met Your Mother - I watch this out of habit than anything else.  This is a Friends rip-off that gets a little too cutesy at times, and can be very tasteless at others.  I love the actress who plays Robin.
• Malibu Country - Only reason I watch this show is for Lily Tomlin, who is hilarious.
• America's Funniest Home Videos - STILL one of the funniest shows on TV.  One of my daughter's favorites, too.
• Hawaii Five-O - Good action-cop-drama show set in Hawaii.  Good characters and writing, but tends to be a little too violent at times.  Love the Hawaii setting.
• Shark Tank - Entertaining show about people trying to "sell" their company to rich folks to get them to invest.
• The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - Craig is one of the best, funniest, and entertaining late night hosts on TV.  Wish he didn't always go for the tasteless jokes, but very funny, nonetheless.
• Finding Bigfoot - Fun show.  I'm a skeptic, but it's fun to watch these guys wander thru the woods around the country looking for what they think is a big, hairy giant that no one has ever gotten a decent picture of to prove they exist.
• Destination Truth - Entertaining show about a group of adventurers and monster hunters.
• Swamp People - Alligator hunters in the bayou.
• Top Gear - I'm a car buff, and these Brits can be very funny in their typically English style.  The cars are great!
• Top Gear - Loud American version of the British show.  Sophmoric at times, but I'm still addicted to the cars and stunts.
• Counting Cars - Custom car designer in Las Vegas.  I love cars, especially the muscle cars from the 60s & 70s, and they feature them often.
• Texas Car Wars - Another car show.  Teams bid on junked cars, then take them back to their garages to fix them up and sell them.
• Overhaulin' - More car stuff!  Custom cars designed from junk.
• Falling Skies - Interesting sci-fi show in a similar vein to the Walking Dead, except with aliens instead of zombies.  Apocolyptic, futuristic setting.
• The Great Escape - From the makers of the Amazing Race, this is about 3 teams of two people who must escape from a prison, or a ship, or an abandoned building, or other similar location, to win money.  Each episode is stand-alone, unlike the Amazing Race.
• Wipeout - Fun show about crazy, off-beat folks who compete in obstacle courses.
• Wrecks to Riches - Another show about fixing up junky muscle cars.
• Only in America with Larry The Cable Guy - Larry The Cable Guy is funny.  He travels the country and gets into situations and we laugh.
• Diners, Drive-ins and Dives - Guy Fieri's show about offbeat restaurants around the country.  The food looks like it tastes great, and this show is the reason I don't like to eat at chains when I'm traveling.
• Insane Coaster Wars - Not sure if this is a series or just a summer show, but anything about roller coasters is good enough for us!
• MythBusters - Great show about a couple of stunt guys who try to prove whether myths can be busted.
• Gravity Falls - Animated show on Disney about a sister & brother who live with their strange uncle and weird things happen to them and the nearby town.  Fun show!  I've stopped at places similar to the "Mystery Shack" the uncle runs.
• Mork & Mindy - Classic sit-com starring Robin Williams about an alien living on Earth.  Spin-off of Happy Days.
• Happy Days - My favorite show of all time!  Classic 70s sit-com set in the Fifties.  Richie Cunningham was my role model.  Most guys wanted to be like the Fonz.  I wanted to be like Richie.
• Phineas and Ferb - Another fun animated show on Disney.  Show is written for kids with in-jokes for adults.
• Laverne & Shirley - Another classic sit-com spin-off from Happy Days.  Lenny & Squiggy are as funny as Abbott & Costello and Laurel & Hardy.

Comments appreciated!

Soapbox: Wake Up, Guys!

Why do so many men self-destruct their marriages for sinful reasons??? Don't they realize what they have? If the divorced women I know are any example, these men have sacrificed the stability of their families and hurt a loving, dedicated partner, only for a fleeting, temporary happiness. These women and their children deserve better (and I know it can go the other way, too, but I'm focusing on the guys here). I'm sick of seeing this lack of respect for marriage and destruction of family, and I can't help but believe it is a result of keeping God out of the relationship. Wake up, guys!

Here We Go...

A lot of my friends are Baltimore Ravens fans.  I'm a life-long Pittsburgh Steelers fan.  Unfortunately, the Steelers and Ravens have become rivals due to the fact that they are in the same division in the NFL's AFC North, and they are both pretty good year after year.  And when they play against each other, at least twice each season, the games are almost always bitterly close, with only a few points separating them.  But it also puts me on the opposite side of the fence when it comes to rooting for my team when my friends are rooting for theirs.  And that's fine, as long as we don't allow that rooting to spill over into and affect our friendships.  And that has been the case.  I believe we're all intelligent enough to understand how it works.  It would be  ridiculous to allow our love of our teams to affect our friendships.

There are, however, acquaintances of mine who can't understand why I can live in the Baltimore area and not be a Ravens fan.  And they especially can't understand why I can be Steelers fan.  Many believe that it's expected to root for the local team.  In fact, if that were the case, I should've been rooting for the Washington Redskins, since I actually live closer to DC than I do Baltimore.  It's really simple, though, and it has everything to do with the fact that I was raised by my Western Pennsylvania-native father as a Steelers fan.

I was born in 1969, which was the same year that Chuck Noll was hired as the coach of the Steelers, and "Mean" Joe Greene was his first draft choice.  One could argue that this was the beginning of the Steelers reign as an elite team in the NFL.  They started to really have success a few years later, with the "Immaculate Reception" in their first playoff win in 1972, and their fanatic fan base finally had a winner after almost 30 years of losing, since the team's inception.  My childhood was filled with Super Bowl wins by the Steelers, and by the time I was 10 years old, the Steelers had 4 Super Bowl wins, more than double what any other team had.  That made an impression on me.  My Dad and I watched many of the games together and those experiences were really wonderful.

Baltimore had the Colts.  I actually liked the Colts, but I really didn't pay much attention to them since I liked the Steelers better.  But I was sad to see them leave Baltimore for Indianapolis in the mid-80s.  It was brutally unfair to the city of Baltimore, and I shared their loss.  But football goes on, and though the Steelers were not having the success they had previously, I was still a diehard fan.

In the mid-90s, the Cleveland Browns moved to Baltimore and became the Ravens.  The Steelers were having great success at the time, and I paid little attention to this "new" team in Baltimore.  Of course, some of my friends, mostly those who had been fans of the Colts, adopted the Ravens as their team, and that's natural.  Since they no longer had a team in Baltimore until the Ravens came along, it would be easy to be a fan.  Since I had always been a Steelers fan, I wasn't about to all of a sudden change my allegiance to some new team, just because they were in the area I lived in.  As the Ravens got better and had success of their own, the games against the Steelers took on much more meaning, and a true rivalry developed, which exists to this day.

My Steelers remain successful, having appeared in three more Super Bowls over the past several years, winning two of them.  They are, as of right now, the only team with six Super Bowl wins.  The Ravens have had a nice run of playoff appearances, and even have a Super Bowl win of their own.  The teams have arguably the best rivalry in professional sports.  But I will never be a Ravens fan.  My Steelers continue to be my team.  I bleed black & gold.  I only hope my Ravens acquaintances can accept that.  And so I will NOT be rooting for the Ravens today in their second round playoff game versus the Denver Broncos.  Why would I root for a bitter rival?  Go Steelers!

My Inner Coffee Drinker

The Christmas season is my favorite time of year.  The colors, music, decorations, time with family & friends, Advent, Christ's birth, performing plays or shows at Church, buying presents, taking time off from work.... it all adds up to a wonderful time of year, as the song says.  I know a lot of what I love stems from my childhood experiences, but I guess I feel like a big kid now, and still enjoy so many aspects of the season.

Santa Claus visits our home and provides much happiness to the whole family.  My daughter receives three gifts from Santa each Christmas, just as the Christ-child received three gifts from the wise men.  My family goes way overboard with our gift-giving every year, and this year was no exception.  In fact, I received a wonderful gift this year, one of the best I've ever gotten:  a Keurig coffee maker!

Who knew?  I only drank coffee for a short time as a student in college, not really liking the taste and only wanting the caffeine pick-me-up.  I would drink it during finals week as an assist to my studying.  I preferred my caffeine through normal cola drinking, particularly Jolt, with twice the caffeine and sugar as other sodas, but thought coffee was better for me, at least during a time when I needed to have my wits about me.  It didn't help my grades, though, and so it didn't take.  I just didn't care for the taste.  No matter how much dressing up I did to it, I still couldn't acquire a taste for it.

When I was a kid, most of the adults in my life drank coffee, and it was clear that it was a grown up thing.  As I got older, I still didn't think I was "old enough" to drink coffee, so I never started, and never took an interest in trying it.

My boss told me I needed to start drinking coffee at work for social reasons, and, since he tends to be a bit "forceful" in a peer-pressure-y way, he talked me into trying it one morning.  I still wasn't convinced I liked it, but I did enjoy the caffeine jump it provided, especially since I was looking for alternatives to soda (which came about after my diabetes diagnosis).  So I began getting a cup of French Vanilla coffee at our coffee shop in the lobby of our building, and even got to know the Korean owner and his wife, Han & Sue. But I was only drinking a cup a day, and only at work.  The last thing I needed was to get hooked on Starbucks and other gourmet coffees, and I did not want a coffee maker at home.  It didn't make sense, and I didn't want the extra chore of having to clean a coffee pot everyday.

Enter the Keurig.  Mom has one, and she showed me some of coffee flavors she uses, and, just like that, I was hooked.  Mom is a coffee connoisseur, and she guided me through the coffee-making process.  Talk about easy!  So Mom got me my own Keurig for Christmas.  It may be the best present I received this year!  I think I'm making at least 2 or 3 cups per day, not just coffee, but cappuccino, cider, and other flavors.  I may end up getting one for the office, too, so I can be anti-social and drink it in the privacy of my own office.  Ironic, since I was talked into drinking coffee at work for the social aspects.

Remembering Pap

I wrote this a few years ago for a tribute book about my Grandfather, Chester "Pap" Freed...

I think about Pap (“Pap-Pap Hair”) a lot, and I have such wonderful memories of this wonderful man.  I’m so thankful that God allowed me to spend so much time with him, despite my living most of my life about 200 miles away.  I wish I had as many fond memories of Grandma, but she just wasn’t as much a part of my childhood like Pap was.  And, more importantly, I spent time with Pap as an adult, and I truly believed he helped shape me into the man I am today.  Mom and Dad get most of the credit, but I am so happy that I was able to spend so much one-on-one time with Pap during those early adult years.

Some of my earliest memories of Pap center on the old Hopwood house.  I remember always getting to sleep in Pap’s bed when we would visit. It wasn’t quite the honor you might think, since Pap’s snoring could wake the dead, and I spent most of the night listening to the “thunder” in the bed next to me and staring at the head with the knife in it’s mouth hanging from the ceiling in the “blue” bedroom (and those of you who’ve slept in that room probably know about that head).  That old house sure was spooky.  Another time, I remember Angie and I sleeping in the attic bedroom and hearing the fire alarm at the fire station up the street go off in the middle of the night and us being scared to death!  Anyway, Pap would wake up at the crack of dawn (and usually even earlier).  I pretended to be asleep until he left the room, and then I would follow him all the way down to the basement and watch him shovel coal into the furnace.  I don’t know if he knew I was watching him or not.  When he finished shoveling coal, he went into the Barber Shop, I guess to prepare it for the day’s customers. I remember one morning watching him put on these big boots. He went into the Barber Shop and it was flooded with about a foot of water. He just swept it all outside with a broom.

The kitchen always smelled like syrup to me, and it seemed like Pap was always cooking something.  We always had pancakes (“hotcakes”) for breakfast. And I ate a lot of peanut butter fudge.  Much later, during Pap’s “bachelor” days at Hague Lane, Pap regularly made his “famous” chili with everything (and I do mean everything!).

Pap gave me many haircuts over the years. I always first asked Mom if it was okay, and she would say, “Okay, but just ask for a light trim.”  Of course, since Pap cut everyone’s hair pretty much the same way, a light trim didn’t mean much, and I wouldn’t have a whole lot of hair left on my head when he was done.  But I always got a lollipop from him.  Years later, in my teens, when I wore my hair much thicker and Pap hadn’t cut my hair in several years, Dad & Uncle Jim (Freed) talked me into letting Pap cut my hair.  Pap got out those big vacuum clippers and pretty much sucked all of the hair off from around my ears.  I was mortified, and I truly thought I looked like Bozo the Clown! Thank goodness it was summer and my hair would grow back before I went back to school.

But, as a kid, I used to just sit in the Barber Shop all morning and watch Pap give his customers their shave and a haircut.  He also would give me a bottle of pop to drink.  To this day, whenever I drink a strawberry pop, my favorite, I think of him and the Barber Shop.

Another neat memory was when, just before that fateful and tragic trip my family and I took to Canada in 1987, we and my Mom’s parents stopped in Uniontown to drop off our dog, Ginger, who

Pap was going to watch while we were on vacation.  It was one of the few times, in my memory, that all of my living grandparents were together, which was just so cool (“neat”, “awesome”) to me. Pap and Bebop (my other grandfather) wore matching hats that said “Old Fart”, and my grandmother (Grammy) wore one that said “Old Fart’s Wife”.  It made for a great picture. That was the last time they were all together.

After high school, I was fortunate to be able to drive by myself from Maryland to Uniontown, and I made many, many solo trips to visit with Pap.  What a wonderful time that was, and I am so thankful for every opportunity I had to spend one-on-one time with Pap.  He and I would talk for hours, and he passed along so much knowledge and advice. He once told me that one of the greatest things in life was the pursuit of a woman.  I’m sure the lessons he taught me about the Fairer Sex were what helped me, years later, in choosing a wife.

I usually arrived at Pap’s on a Friday afternoon, and Pap was always sitting in his comforter in front of the big screen T.V., with the sound loud enough to hear from the top of the hill on Hague Lane. Pap couldn’t always see the volume button on the remote, so he just left it the volume where it was, regardless of how loud it was. When I visited with Pap, all I needed was a sleeping bag, and I would camp out each night on the dining room floor.  Unfortunately, Pap was an early riser, and every morning he would wake up at the crack of dawn (I know the Hague Lane house didn’t have a coal furnace!).  He went into the kitchen, turned on the radio, then went to the front door, went outside (slamming the storm door behind him) to get his newspaper, and returned to the kitchen to drink his coffee.  I guess he either forgot I was there, or he was hoping I might wake up and make him some hotcakes for breakfast.

On September 6, 1992, almost one year before he entered the Gates of Heaven, I was honored to be the one to present him when he was entered into the Hopwood UMC Hall of Fame. Much of the family was there, including Mom & Dad, Aunt Nancy & Uncle Jack, Aunt Rosey & Uncle Jim, Uncle Paul & Aunt Charlotte, Aunt Sandi, Mindy, Aunt Karen & Uncle Dick, Mark, Mandy, JJ, and Aunt Minnie.  I still don’t know why I was given such an honor, but Pap certainly was deserving of the Hall of Fame honors.  I was nervous, but stood at the front of the church with Pap and read the biography of his life that was printed in the bulletin. Afterwards, we all had lunch at the Sun Porch.  It was a great time.

On Easter weekend in April, 1993, I visited with Pap and took him to Hopwood UMC for the Easter service. Aunt Sandi invited us over to her apartment for Easter dinner.  Taking advantage of the beautiful weather that day, I opened up the t-tops on my 442 and we drove over to her place. Pap really seemed to enjoy the drive.  That was a wonderful weekend in so many ways, but it was also the last weekend I saw him before his cancer was diagnosed as terminal.

  

God works in mysterious ways.  The summer of 1993, I was working in a temporary position in the office that would later hire me permanently (and where I still work to this day).  Due to the way the job was set up, I had used up all of the allowable hours and I stopped working at the beginning of August.  This allowed me to spend a great deal of time in Uniontown with Pap during his last days. It was a sad time, but being together with so much of the family for such a concentrated amount of

time is such a warm memory to me.  There was just so much love in that house during that time.  I enjoyed spending so much time with everyone, despite the circumstances.

Pap eventually got to the point where it was difficult for him to stand up on his own, and we would pull him up and place him in one of the kitchen chairs. We would roll him from his room to the bathroom. Then, one night, when many of us were sitting around the kitchen table playing cards, we heard the bathroom door close. We all looked at each other, silently counting heads, trying to figure out who had just gone into the bathroom. Pap had surprised us all by getting up all on his own.

The last couple of days of Pap’s earthly life were so difficult, watching a man with so much life slowly dying.   For two straight days the nurse would wake everyone and we would gather around Pap’s bed, praying and telling him it was okay to let go. Pap held on, though, as if waiting for something. Dan and Erin McCusker were the last to arrive, late the night before Pap’s birthday.  I believe Pap was waiting for them.  I think there’s something grand about making it to his 83^rd birthday, and maybe that was also what he was waiting for.  But, that morning, I will never forget holding his hand during his last few breaths, seeing him suddenly open his eyes (I believe he was getting his first glimpse of the face of Jesus), and then slowly closing again as his body breathed its last.

Teresa, my wife, used to tease me when I talked about “growing up” in Uniontown.  She told me she could see the pride in my face and words as I described my love for Pap.  She mentioned many times that she wished she could have met him.  Ironically, she would get that chance, much sooner than any of us could imagine, and I truly believe their meeting in Heaven was a grand and glorious occasion.

Many of us, especially the grandkids, were asked to speak at Pap’s funeral service at Hopwood, and Jeff McCusker ended up being the only one to speak.  I felt bad at the time, but I just didn’t have the words.  I did write some things down that day, and I just discovered them while typing this up. So I’ll end with what I wrote then:

“I still think Pap was one of the greatest individuals I ever knew, and even if you met him only once, you would come away knowing that you’ve met someone wonderful.  And today, he is getting the ultimate reward – eternal life in God’s Kingdom, and he truly deserves it.  Thanks, Pap, for everything.”

I’m looking forward to seeing him again.  I’ll bet it’ll be a great reunion. 

Online Dating Escapades

I've been doing this online dating thing for a few months now, and I'm actually pretty happy.  I met a wonderful young lady with whom I seem to have a lot in common.  We've been dating a few weeks now and there seems to be mutual interest in and attraction to each other.  We've talked about having God at the center of our relationship, and it's apparent He is guiding us both in so many ways.  I like the direction we're going.  I am legitimately excited.  We even share the same birthday (we were born on the same day, in the same year)!

This online dating is really frustrating, though, and I'm really glad that my membership runs out in a few weeks.  While it appears that I've had success, it wasn't so easy getting there and I'm still not sure I would recommend it.  It can be frustrating to get messages from women who either don't read all the way through my profile, or just ignore my listed preferences.  I've heard from many women well outside my distance preferences, and regularly get contacted by women significantly above my age range.  Then there are the women that send me messages questioning my preferences, as if I don't know who I'm looking for since they don't match up with me.

I received a message from a young lady last evening who took the time to compliment me on my profile, but then take me to task for expressing my preferences in my profile because she didn't match one of them.  So she is upset at me because she doesn't meet my "requirements".  She closed her message by insulting me.  Since she didn't specify which "requirement" she was upset about, I looked at her profile and discovered that we had very little in common, and there were multiple areas where we didn't match.  I took a guess and figured that her issue must have been with my distance preferences.  She lives in northwestern Virginia, just a bit outside of the area I prefer.  So I decided to write her back.  I apologized to her for being so picky, and I gave reasons for choosing my preferences as I did, which are based on my experiences with online dating, specifically focusing on the distance issues (I've done long-distance relationships and found they just don't work for me).  I did question her as to why she chose to send a message to me if it was only to criticize me, as that seemed to be an unusual way of looking for online dates.  Additionally, I made a point of mentioning that it appeared we had very little in common.  She wrote back rather quickly early this morning to let me know that her criticism had to do with my education "requirements".  She assumed that, because I listed that my matches have a degree, then that ruled her, and potentially many other dates, out of the running before we even began communication.  She said that, even though she had just started online dating after her 18-year marriage failed, my profile was the first that she had seen that had so many "requirements".  She again insulted me, this time for being "close-minded", and wished me good luck in my "conquest".

Of course, she's right.  Even though I argued that these were only preferences, not "requirements", I shouldn't rule out anyone who could be a potential match just because of an educational background.  The only defense I can give is that I honestly assumed that this preference would only come up in searches, and could not be seen on my profile.  That's no excuse, though.  I know better.

The other side to this is the anger that is shown to someone you've never met only because they have preferences you don't match up with.  I don't get that.

This dating site has been a mixed bag, honestly.  I'm pleased to have found someone I really like who matches up well with me.  But the negatives far out-weigh the positives.  In a future post I will share another story about a phishing scam I fell for involving an uncut-diamond-dealing, rich philanthropist who tried to get me to commit my love to her even though we hadn't met, and even though her profile, which said she was divorced from Oregon, didn't match her background as a widow from Spain.  You can't make this stuff up.  Maybe I can sell the movie rights to Lifetime Network?  That is, if they haven't already made this movie.

It's Just So Big...! *or* Look At The Size of That Hole!

I have been so so fortunate to travel to several exotic places in my job as a manager/cartographer, namely Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, Oklahoma City, Palm Coast, FL, Oklahoma City....well, okay, not exactly exotic.  I'm kind of sick of the repeated trips to OK City.  But I really had a great opportunity last week to travel to a place that everyone should visit at least once in their life:  the Grand Canyon.  This was a legitimate work-related trip to speak at a conference attended by helicopter tour pilots.  What a great location, though!

Since it was much too expensive to fly directly to the canyon, or even to a nearby town like Flagstaff, AZ, I ended up flying in to Las Vegas and driving the 4.5 or so hours to the Grand Canyon.  This was fine with me, since it would also take me down a portion of old Route 66, another one of my road trip passions.  In addition, the time in the car alone would give me opportunity to talk with God, something that I also enjoy and put to good use during my cross-country  road trips from my younger days.  I had a lot to talk about with Him.  The only unfortunate part of the trip was that I was required to take the economy car as my rental.  I ended up with an almost new Fiat 500.  This car is really small.  And I own a Mazda MX-5 Miata, a little 2-seat sports car, so I know small cars.  The Fiat is trying to compete with the Mini Cooper, but my opinion is that the Fiat is a cheap competitor.  It isn't very comfortable, has no get-up-and-go, and just looks weird.  But that's the car I was dealt.  So off I went.

North-western Arizona is kind of mountainous, but extremely barren and desert-like country.  But I like it.  It gives me the look and feel of really being Out West.  There is something about being in this part of the country that causes me to feel like I am far from home, which I am, but it goes even further.  It has a beauty to it that can't be matched by anything you can see back east.  I'd imagine this is something in my blood, since I know that my grandfather, Chester "Pap" Freed loved reading books about The West, and, when given the opportunity to visit his long-lost brother in Idaho (along with three of his sons, my Dad included) back in the mid-70s, he jumped at the chance and really had a great time.  I'm convinced every state, and I've now been to 41 of them, has a unique look to it.  Arizona is one of those that has multiple looks to it, from the mountainous, forested northern section, to the deserts of the west.  I really like it.

The history and culture of Route 66 is another draw for me.  Route 66 points to a different era, one that I feel such a connection to, the Forties and Fifties in particular.  I sometimes feel like I grew up at the wrong time.  I love the Forties, from World War 2 history and the Big Band era, to the Fifties, with the great cars, early Rock and Roll, and an innocence that is absent in today's world.

Williams, AZ, the last town bypassed by Interstate 40, which replaced Route 66 in Arizona, back in 1984, has completely adopted that persona of a different era, and has Fifties-style diners, lots of neon signs, and store after store pushing Route 66 t-shirts, hats, and memorabilia.  It's a lot of fun.  I stopped at Cruiser's Cafe 66 and enjoyed a bowl of good, spicy chili and tender pulled-pork BBQ.  If not for my diabetes, I might have gotten a shake to go.

Williams is also the "gateway" to the Grand Canyon, as this is where one would jump off I-40 and head north towards the canyon.  It was dark by the time I started up this road, and, almost immediately after I left the town, I saw a herd of elk on the side of the dark road.  This meant I had better stay alert.  One elk was easily larger than my little Fiat.

I arrived in Tusayan and my Best Western Hotel at around 9 and collapsed into bed almost immediately.  I just can't drive the long-distances like I could in my younger days without exhausting myself, and after 6+ hours in a plane, and then another 5 hours of driving, I needed my sleep.  Fortunately, the following day wouldn't require me to appear at the conference, so I was free to spend part of it at the Grand Canyon.

I awoke early and got ready for my drive thru the Grand Canyon.  Words and pictures cannot come close to describing it.  It is just something every individual has to experience.  This was my third trip to the Grand Canyon, and it never gets old.  It is just so BIG!  One of God's greatest earthly creations.  I just can't describe it; I can only encourage you to go see it with your own eyes.  Heavenly Father, you created all things, and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but the Grand Canyon doesn't compare with anything else I've seen.  I took close to 50 pictures and they don't capture it's immense size and spectacular scenery.  I can't describe it, so I'm going to stop here.

I spoke at the conference the following day.  All I can say about it is that helicopter pilots are a different breed.

I awoke early on Friday, packed up, and headed south, back to Williams, and then west down Route 66.  It was such a great time!  I reminisced about my earlier trips down the same highway, enjoyed seeing recreated Burma Shave signs beside the road, stopped at a little museum in Ash Fork, AZ, the "Flagstone Capital of the World" (the museum was run by an older couple who had moved here from Chicago to escape the cold weather in the north, including ceremoniously getting rid of their snow shovel, not knowing it could get just as cold and snowy in this part of Arizona!), and then stopping in Seligman, where Route 66 was reborn by gentlemen like Angel and Juan Delgadillo, who were determined to keep their town from dying when it was bypassed by the interstate.  Angel had a barbershop, which has now been converted into a gift shop selling all kinds of Route 66 memorabilia.  Juan ran the Snow Cap, and neat and stylized drive-in restaurant selling things like "dead chicken" and ice cream, and using his sense of humor to entertain his customers (door knobs on the wrong side of the door, a bathroom outhouse in a phone booth, and an old convertible with Santa Claus in the driver's seat and a Christmas tree in the back, parked just outside).  There was a tour bus full of Japanese tourists parked outside of Angel's barbershop when I arrived.

After a stop in Kingman, AZ, at Mr. D'z Route 66 Diner for lunch, I headed north again towards Las Vegas.  I had splurged a bit to stay at the Luxor hotel (a huge pyramid), and I bought a ticket to see Criss Angel, a celebrity magician.  But Las Vegas just holds no appeal to me.  It is filled with twenty- and thirty-somethings who all seem to drink to excess, dress too provocatively, and gamble for the heck of it.  Vegas has officially dropped the "family-atmosphere" it pushed a decade ago, and is now pushing an atmosphere focused on sex (the Luxor had a "dancer" on a runway-style stage in the middle of the casino dressed in her underwear, in full view of anyone and everyone, including minors!).  You can bet I won't ever bring my young daughter to this town!  I was up early on Saturday morning (3 a.m. Vegas time) to check out and get to the airport for my early flight home.  Walking through the Luxor, I was surprised to see that the place was still hopping, with young women drunk on whatever booze they'd been drinking, dressed in skimpy dresses and barely able to walk, and couples sitting on tables making out in various corners of the casino.... I couldn't get out fast enough.

All in all, it was a wonderful trip, and I will forever look at it in appreciation and opportunity related to my job.  I'm also thankful that God gives us such beauty to appreciate in our world.  I know it can't compare to what we have waiting for us in Heaven, but, for what we have here on Earth, it's pretty darn cool!

Forty Days and Dave Brubeck

My church, Grace Community, is studying 40 Days in the Word, and I was reminded of one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite jazz pianists, Dave Brubeck, best known for his rendition of "Take Five" (go ahead and Google it; it's a classic!).  The song is called “Forty Days”, and, according to Brubeck, it was written to represent Jesus’s 40 days in the wilderness as he is tempted by Satan.  The passage is from Matthew 4:1-11 (NIV):

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. ⁵ Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ⁶ “If you are the Son of God, he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
    and they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

⁷ Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.

⁸ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹ “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan!  For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.

¹¹ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

I believe the song represents this passage well.  It is very atmospheric, with a haunting melody that includes a cello introduction, followed by bass, cello, and piano solos.  Even if you don’t care for jazz, I think you’ll find that this song captures the scene perfectly.  Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On6iuGPaI7E

Today Could Be A Monday In Russia...

Title is courtesy of my cousin, David, who has a talent for witty statements, the above which prompted me to write.  I'm told my family is strange in that we love Fall & Winter much more than Spring & Summer.  I'm not sure why, but it's true.  Give me a dreary overcast, 50s-ish forecast, and I'm pretty happy.  Today fit the bill.  It's Monday, and the dreariness outside reminds me of what, in my mind, a typical Russian Fall day might look like.  Actually, it could be Pittsburgh instead of Russia, since the weather in both places looks the same.

Columbus Day is one of those rare holidays where the Federal Government gets the day off, but my girl has school, making it a Home Alone kind of day.  Which meant, instead of making myself useful and taking care of some chores or running errands, I did a whole lot of nothing.  After walking my daughter to school, I sat with the dog in front of the TV for much of the morning, in between loads of laundry (I guess I did a little more than nothing).  Faithful Pup Scout was very happy to have me all to herself.  It's not often it's just the two of us at home.

My mind has been weighed down in recent days due to a lot of things happening at the office.  Our director decided to shuffle much of our management structure, throwing us all into new jobs and responsibilities, then announced he was leaving for new pastures in Atlanta.  My boss was moved into a new position, which moved me into his position (at least temporarily), and one of my employees into my position (at least temporarily).  I'm now responsible for 70+ employees instead of only 45.  The temporary part is what has me concerned, because, if I'm not in this new position for good, then there is a chance I could be placed somewhere else, instead of my old job.  Even though I have a lot more responsibilities and the stress that goes along with that, at least I know what I'm doing.  It's the unknown that has me concerned.  I know better, of course.  This is one of those "you just gotta have faith" moments that God throws our way every so often.  And I also know that I should just be thankful I have a job at a time when so many people don't.

So why do we worry about things we don't have control over?  I wish I knew.  It's so easy to say we'll hand over our worries to the Lord, but we don't.  At any given moment, I'm worried about my daughter being dressed warmly enough for school, what to make for dinner, rush hour traffic, those on my prayer list, whether the dog is making a mess on the kitchen floor, whether my employee with cancer is going to be at work, if the young lady (from Australia!) I just rejected on the online dating site is going to be upset at me, or how long that piece of spinach has been between my two front teeth.  Why do we let these things bother us? Worrying causes us so much harm.  I have high blood pressure, hypertension, diabetes, sleeplessness, and thinning hair because I worry needlessly.  I really don't have an answer to the why.  I know how to fix it, but I don't do it.  I seem to have painted myself into a corner....

There are good things happening, too, though, to balance out the negative, worrisome things.  A high school friend of mine just contacted me and wants to get together.  That came out of left field.  We were never buddies, especially not in high school, and have only recently, over the last few years, even communicated on Facebook.  She's pretty awesome, so I'm looking forward to seeing her.  I'm not even worried. :-)

Looking for a Date?

All right, I'm about fed up with the whole online dating scene.  I've tried all of the sites, gone on about a dozen dates, and continue to attract the wrong women.  So I'm looking for help.  If you, the reader, would care to assist me in offering me feedback, I'm going to post my online profile.  Thanks for your help.

20 things about me: 

1. I love the Lord! 

2. I love my little girl! She's 8, very cute, very smart, and makes me laugh. 

3. I believe your work ethic is more important and impressive than how much money you make.
 
4. I believe it's important to tell your loved ones everyday how much you love them. You can't say it enough.
 
5. The city of Pittsburgh is a wonderful place! I am very passionate about my Steelers, Penguins, and Pirates. I'm also a die-hard Terp! 

6. I'm a bit of an introvert, but will open up with the right person. 

7. I love road trips! I've driven the entire length of (what's left of) old Route 66. Driving through God's beauty in the American West is both therapeutic and humbling. I've driven through 41 U. S. states and 5 Canadian provinces, but I've been to only one other country. 

8. I like the mountains a little bit better than the beach. 

9. I believe in chivalry and respecting the opposite sex. I'm a traditional guy...a bit of a throw-back. You can trust me to always be a gentleman with you, and you can expect to be seriously romanced if we hit it off. 

10. My favorite movie of all time is IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. If you haven't seen it, I can't recommend it enough. Especially if you can see it on the big screen. It always puts me in a Christmas spirit. 

11. One of my role models is Richie Cunningham from HAPPY DAYS. Most guys wanted to be like the Fonz. I wanted to be like Richie. 

12. I would love to have a tennis partner. 

13. My favorite movie of all time is JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO. You'll like it only if you GET it. Most people don't GET it. It is amusing and inspiring, filled with symbolism, and very romantic. 

14. I'm not a great cook, but I make a mean pot of chili. I probably go out to eat more often than I should. 

15. I love roller coasters! Not only are they a lot of fun, but they seem to be a metaphor for my life. 

16. I am frequently accused of being a nice guy (yes, the kiss of death when it comes to dating, but I can provide references), but I will do whatever possible to never finish last. 

17. I don't care for coffee or beer. I just never acquired a taste for either. I'm not against my partner drinking, however. 

18. My favorite movie of all time is REAR WINDOW......and NORTH BY NORTHWEST.....and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN......and OCEAN'S ELEVEN....and CARS...and MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON...and TOMBSTONE...and GLORY...and GRAND CANYON...and...! 

19. WHO I'M ATTRACTED TO: You are beautiful (to me), inside and out. You honor old-fashioned values with modern sensibilities. You are a Christian. You are a person of high-character and confidence. You love your family. You are a bit of an extrovert, but not overbearing. You enjoy playing and watching sports, or will at least put up with my passionate fanaticism. You understand my need to take care of my daughter, though I promise you will receive the attention you deserve. Your friends may describe you as nice and attractive. You are happy, both with yourself and your life, but you recognize that a potential mate can only enhance your life. You put God first, and you understand that by doing so, you open yourself up to love. If this sounds like you, I might like to meet you. 

20. God has blessed me with a wonderful life. One of my favorite verses is, "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." I Peter 5: 10. With Him, life gets better each and every day.

Pap's Last Moments

When my grandfather was dying after a long battle with pancreatic cancer, with much of our family surrounding his bed, and with everyone praying and telling him it was okay to let go (he had been comatose for several days, but seemed to be hanging on to life despite his weakening body), he suddenly opened his eyes and looked straight at the ceiling. I was holding his hand and knew this was the end, but I wondered, why now? What was he seeing? Then his breathing become very labored, and he slowly closed his eyes as his body breathed its last breath. Amid the sobbing and praying of family members that broke the silence of the moment, I am convinced, when he opened his eyes, he was seeing the glory of Heaven, with Jesus welcoming him with open arms. The thought filled me with comfort, and I sincerely believe, one day, I will see him again and be able to ask him about what he was seeing in that moment before he left this life.

High School Reunions

Watching GROSSE POINTE BLANK on TV made me think back on my 25-year high school reunion this past June.  This movie, about a guy returning to his hometown for his 10-year high school reunion (among other things), came out the same year as my 10-year, so when I see it, I think of high school reunions.

I had a great time at my 10-year reunion.  I was on the reunion organizing committee, and that allowed me to have a lot of involvement in the planning.  I also got to spend a lot of time with some old friends that I hadn't seen in a really long time.  Even though I was an introvert in high school and did not go to parties and things like that, I was accepted by the popular crowd because we had many of the same classes.  My high school class, the Class of '87 from Frederick Douglass High School in Upper Marlboro, MD, was really special, and may be unusual as high school classes go.  We were a smart, close bunch of kids, from many different backgrounds, but there is this connection that has existed with us that draws us together in a way that is hard to explain.  I think we are the only class that had teachers and the entire school administration attend the 10-year reunion, and they may have had a better time than us, the students.  Anyway, at the 10-year, I was able to rekindle many of these relationships.  The only thing I didn't do was dance, since I just don't.  I think the only negative was that my high school crush, Allison, was married (I was still a single guy; didn't meet my wife until a few years later).

I went to my 20-year reunion and did not have a very good time.  Despite being three years removed from the death of my wife, and feeling good about myself, I had attended with the hope of having a good time and reconnecting with many old friends.  Aside from a few close friends, most hadn't seen me since the 10-year reunion.  Several knew about my wife, and that seemed to cast me in a different light, I guess.  I knew it was going to be a difficult night when I first walked in, went to the registration table, and watched several classmates immediately turn and walk away, whispering to each other as they glanced my way, and before I could get out a, "Hi, you haven't changed a bit!"  I spent the evening with many avoiding me completely, and, as I learned later, not talking to me because they didn't know what to say to me, and the whole evening was just an awkward mess.  I went home early in a funk.

As my 25-year reunion approached, several friends contacted me and asked if I was coming.  I made it clear that I really didn't want to after the experience I had at the 20-year.  However they tried to convince me that it wouldn't be that way this time, that classmates were more mature and really wanted to see me.  I still wasn't convinced, but one friend talked me into attending the Happy Hour on the Friday before the reunion and, if I had a good time, I could purchase a ticket for the reunion then.  I reluctantly agreed.  And, to my surprise, I had a great time.  Even Allison was there, newly divorced, but, unfortunately for me, in a new relationship.  But it was great catching up with everyone.  The Happy Hour was more of an alumni gathering, and included many from different classes, so that made it even more fun.  Enough years had gone by that no one even asked me how I was doing, with all of the undertones that accompanied it, which was a question I was asked too often by those that did talk to me at the 20-year.  At the end of the evening, I was convinced that the reunion would be fun, and I purchased a ticket to attend the next evening.

And I had a decent time.  Unfortunately, there were several people, not at the Happy Hour, that still obviously didn't know how to talk to me, and didn't, and even avoided me, but I wasn't going to allow that to bother me.  I talked to the people I wanted to talk to, and enjoyed it. I only wish Allison was still available. :-)

How I Met Your Mother

I wrote the following on April 4, 2000, on the 2nd anniversary of the day I met my wife, Teresa....

Two years ago today, my cousin, Dan, and I had breakfast at the Shoney's in Montgomery Village. Our conversation gravitated towards the Easter play that was going to be performed at Montrose Baptist Church that evening, of which Dan was a cast member, and he said I might enjoy coming to the show. In fact, he said that there was a young lady in the cast that I might enjoy meeting. Though I had some reservations about going (I had gone to Montrose a year earlier and decided it really wasn't my kind of church), and I didn't really tell Dan I would go, I did end up going. Dan hadn't tried doing any match-making with me before, so I was intrigued.

I sat near the back and proceeded to watch the show. It was very well performed, though I was mostly occupied with trying to figure out who the young lady was that Dan had wanted me to meet, since he hadn't told me her name. After the show ended, Dan came over to where I was sitting and said he was getting a group of cast members together to go out and get something to eat, and that he would see if "Teresa" would go, too. She was backstage cleaning up. I still didn't know what she looked like. Dan said we would all meet at Bennigan's on Rockville Pike.

I headed over there in my Grand Am and met up with Dan and a few other people and we discovered Bennigan's was too crowded, and our wait would be a long one, so we told everyone to head over to Fritzbe's instead. I didn't know where it was, so I stood with Dan and a few others on the sidewalk outside of Bennigan's to direct people over to Fritzbe's that hadn't arrived yet. When a young lady in a Grand Am showed up, Dan went over to her car and told her we were going to Fritzbe's. After she pulled away, Dan said that she was the girl he wanted me to meet.

I followed Dan over to Fritzbe's and we went in. There were already about 5 or 6 people there, and Dan introduced me to them, including Teresa. We shook hands and Dan proceeded to sit down......before I could get a seat anywhere near Teresa. We spent the next hour or so on the same side of the table with two people between us, Dan included, not able to say one thing to each other the entire time we were there. In fact, there was one other person on the other side of me that didn't have anyone to talk to except for me, since he was on the end of the table, so, feeling obligated to talk to him, I was left out of most of the conversation at the other end of the table involving Teresa. So, there I was, wondering about that beautiful young lady on the other side of the table, not able to have any direct conversation with her, with the guy who wanted me to meet her sitting between us.

The evening finally ended, and as we were going out the door, I was able to at last say something to Teresa. As she walked to her car, I said, "Hey, you've got a Grand Am, too!" The next day, Dan asked me if I wanted him to get her phone number for me and see if she would be interested in going out. One month later (sorry, I'm a little slow), we went on our first date. Ten months later, I proposed to her, and we were married 5 months after that. Thanks, Dan, and you were right: I DID enjoy meeting this wonderful young lady, and I'm even happier every day to call her my wife.