Memory Loss, Love Lost

I get so frustrated by TV shows or movies that deal with relationships that go sour.  I got sucked into a movie this afternoon which I don't know the name of nor even who the actors were, but dealt with a married couple where the wife lost her memory and didn't remember her husband, didn't remember their life together, didn't remember anything that happened in her life after her college years.  The husband was heartbroken that she didn't remember him, and she was upset that he couldn't understand why she didn't love him since she didn't know him, as far as she knew.  As the movie unfolded, I became more and more frustrated over how miserable the husband was becoming over the situation, yet the wife was perfectly happy to just pick up where her memory left off.  Now, knowing Hollywood, I'm sure he ended up winning her over and they lived happily ever after, but I couldn't keep watching it and I turned it off.  It bothered me too much.  I know it's just a movie, but I was really angered, though I totally get that the director had succeeded at manipulating my feelings.

I tried to put the story's plot into real life, and how it would've felt to be the husband.  I think it would've been worse than experiencing my wife's death.  At least I knew my wife loved me.  I'm sure I would've been heartbroken, just like the husband in the movie, and I really don't know what I would do in the same situation.  Watching it, I kept thinking how much easier it would be for him to just let her go, rather than continuing to be frustrated over trying to convince her they were in love when she clearly didn't believe him, and didn't trust him at all.  He was nothing but a stranger to her.  And it was killing me to watch.

If I didn't know already that such a thing could really happen, I'd just pass it off as another typical Hollywood storyline, but I actually watched something similar happen to my aunt.  Aunt Lynn was a beautiful lady.  She was a Redskinette, one of the Washington Redskins' cheerleaders.  She ended up eloping with her boyfriend, Chuck, breaking my grandmother's heart, when she was in college.  He wasn't a very good guy.  He drank and used drugs, and though I'm not saying there's a correlation, he was in a gang that went out every weekend riding their Harleys.  They never wore helmets (there wasn't a helmet law back then).  Anyway, in July of 1981, they were all out riding (my aunt was on the back of Chuck's bike) when they hit a slick spot on the road.  Most of the bikes went down, including Chuck's.  When they did, my aunt's head hit the pavement, knocking her out.  Chuck hit his head, also, but he never lost consciousness.  Aunt Lynn was the most seriously injured.  I believe she injured her arm and leg, as well.  She was air-lifted to the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore in serious condition.  She was in a coma for days.  When she finally came to, she had suffered permanent brain damage.  Not so bad that she couldn't function, but bad enough that she lost much of her memory, and her behavior and maturity level were the equivalent of a high school kid.  Her personality changed, as well, and she was very hard to be around.  She couldn't have a normal conversation, and she repeated things over and over.  She was never the same.  Finally, her husband, Chuck, couldn't handle the situation anymore, and he left her, eventually divorcing her.  To this day, she is still exhibiting much of the same kind of behavior.  It really was sad, and though I can't endorse nor support Chuck's decision to divorce my aunt, I don't know that I could handle it if I was placed in the same situation.

Maybe that's why the movie frustrated me so much.  I'm so thankful that God spared me from a similar situation with my wife.  Though I would give almost anything for her to still be alive, I'm not sure I could handle it if she no longer loved or even knew me.  My definition of marriage is that it is for a lifetime, though, and I would live up to my vows, regardless.  It's just so hard to imagine what that would be like.

And on that frustratingly sad note... Have a great evening, everyone.

Why Am I Writing This?

I was asked recently why I'm writing this blog.  It's an easy answer.  Therapy.  A friend who had experienced the death of a loved one told me that one thing that helped her in her recovery was to start writing a blog.  Another friend said he started keeping a journal.  A book I read on the subject said to keep a diary.  I kept a diary for about 15 years, then I stopped the day after my wife died.  I had initially started writing after being inspired by my grandfather, who kept a diary for over 45 years.  The key, I was told, was to have an audience.  Since I started writing mine in high school, I determined my audience was God.  I didn't know who else I could write to.  I knew He would listen to me, though, so that worked for me.  Much later, after getting married, I decided my wife was my logical audience, and though she didn't read it, I didn't hide my diary from her, and I had nothing secretive in it, but I wrote it to her.

So, after she passed away, I stopped writing completely.  After deciding to write a blog, I was feeling gung ho, and I made a few entries and then stopped.  I guess I was expecting it to be more impactful than it was, and I kind of lost interest when it wasn't.  I really didn't have an audience in mind, either, and I felt like that was important.  I didn't do much with it for a few years.

A few years ago, my daughter got involved with Grace Adventures Day Camp, a summer camp run by my church, Grace Community.  I got to know a few of the young women who directed the camp, and discovered that two of them wrote blogs.  And upon reading them, they inspired me to resurrect my own blog.  So last Fall, I started writing again, and I made a New Year's resolution to write more regularly, to the point that I was writing almost daily.  My writing was very selfish, though.  It was for me, and even though it was available to readers, I wasn't writing to or for them.  It became therapy.  And though this may be hard for some to believe, I really feel like I was being inspired on a daily basis by God, since I had no idea what I was going to write about until I sat down and started typing.

I still don't have an audience, though.  And what I mean is I don't know who I'm writing this to, though I know people are reading it.  I've thought about writing to my daughter, but too much of what I write really isn't as interesting as I want it to be, and I'm not sure my girl will even want to read it.  Really, I don't even know who IS reading this thing.  I have a general idea, based on the statistics that I can review through the blogging site, but I'd love to know who is reading what I'm writing.  I don't get very many comments, though I greatly appreciate all who do.  A few friends (who actually know me in person) have commented, but, for the most part, not many people I know actually know that I even have a blog.  I don't share it on Facebook.  I don't talk about it with my family.  My Twitter family knows about it, especially if they're paying attention.  But that's about it.  Anyone else who may be reading this probably either has seen it linked at the Howard County Bloggers site, or has come across it accidentally.  But if you ARE reading it, thank you.

So I'm still figuring it out.  I feel like I have something to say, though this post really isn't saying much of anything at all.  I know that my faith is important, and I hope will always be reflected in my writing.  Family is very important to me, though I think my daughter is the only regular reader who I'm related to.  Many of my posts deal with our many road trips that we take, and we love to ride roller coasters, even those that are a metaphor for my life.  And now I think I'm done for the night.  Nearing my bed time.  Thanks again for reading.  Please comment.  I'd love to hear who you are and why you're reading my ramblings.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Lurking With HoCo Bloggers

I jumped way out of my comfort zone tonight, then jumped right back into it, after deciding to join in on the Howard County Bloggers party at the Second Chance Saloon in Oakland Mills.  Shortly after arriving, with my daughter, Melody, in tow, I went right back to being the lurker that I am and stayed out of the bar area.  We had a very nice meal, watched the guys playing darts, then made a hasty retreat.

I should probably take a step back and mention that this is the first time I've been out of the house except to pick up my daughter from school in the last two days.  I was laid low by a stress-born illness that has been keeping me bed- and couch-ridden, within close vicinity of a bathroom at all times.  I have to stress the "stress" word because I'm dealing with it in spades lately, mostly due to work, particularly new work functions, that have me really struggling to deal with day-to-day stuff.  The stress I'm feeling is evident to most of the people I'm around regularly, and even my father is urging me to consider another job.  At the age of 44, and in a very well-paying position, it's not that easy to just move to something else.  Much of this stress is going to disappear within a year, though, and if I can just hold out until then, I'll be better for it.  But when it has me feeling ill and staying home, it's pretty serious.  I need to figure it out.

I had an appointment with my doctor about a week-and-a-half ago and the gave me a few new prescriptions and directed me to get an endoscopy to figure out why I have elevated liver enzymes, plus I need to get a sleep test to find out if I have sleep apnea (and that's pretty likely...I've had the symptoms for it way back when my wife was still alive, and she wanted me to get tested then).  Since I'm already dealing with type 2 diabetes, hypertension, and high blood pressure, among other things, I really need to get these under control.  Steve Namie's death and Pastor Mark's double bypass surgery (scheduled tomorrow!), both of which have hit our church, Grace Community, in the past few weeks, have hit me a little too close to home, and I feel as if I need to make sure my health is good for my daughter's sake.

So after reading about the blog party yesterday, I was thinking, if I'm up to it, I'd like to go out and meet a bunch of really good writers and influences on my own writing.  However, being the introvert that I am, I really didn't have it in me to be social.  So, my apologies to all of the other bloggers present.  Maybe at the next one I'll feel better about meeting everyone.

As it is, I've got to get myself back to feeling normal and back to work.  I'm glad to be on the downside of the week, with a three-day weekend coming up.  The past two days were hardly relaxing, and a few days off will feel pretty great.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Eat At La Palapa Too, Too

There's a small shopping center just off of Johns Hopkins Road in North Laurel that has some of the best restaurants in the area.  My daughter and I have tried most of them, and a few of them many times, and I have yet to have a bad meal.  The only bad thing about the center is that there isn't enough parking.  In fact, on a busy Saturday night, it's downright frustrating, and it becomes necessary to park down the street.  It was pretty cold this past weekend, and that isn't fun.

Anyway, the center includes Facci, an Italian place that gets great reviews; Kloby's Smokehouse, which has pretty great barbecue; Ginza of Tokyo, a Japanese steakhouse; and La Palapa Too, which has fantastic Mexican food.  We at at Facci once, and while it was good, it wasn't memorable.  We haven't eaten at Kloby's other than for carryout, but it is some of the best barbecue in the area.  Ginza is a favorite, even if it isn't a special occasion, and the food is always great.  The chefs are entertaining, and the owner is as nice as they come.  But it's La Palapa Too that we enjoy most of all.  We were there most recently this Saturday evening.

My daughter, Melody, and I attend Grace Community Church and go to the Saturday evening service each week.  Afterwards, we like to eat out for dinner.  Due to it's location near the church, La Palapa Too is a favorite choice.  After finding a parking space, which is always a challenge, we went into the brightly colored and decorated interior.  They were still celebrating Halloween, and the whole place is filled with fake spider webs and a moving skeleton, along with scary makeup on the staff.  It was very crowded on this night, but we were seated right away.

Complimentary chips and salsa are served right away, and our server took our order.  My daughter had her favorite, the cheese quesadilla from the kid's menu, and I ordered the Burro Loco Burrito, which has fast become my favorite.  It is described on the menu as, "traditional steak and  chicken cooked fajita-style, topped with chili con queso".  It includes Mexican rice, refried beans, guacamole, and pico de gallo.  It is sooooo good!  I've tried other menu items, but this really is my favorite and I can't resist ordering it the last few times I've been there.  As a type 2 diabetic, I tend to avoid the desserts, but my daughter loves the chocolate cake.  The always bring two forks and I always have a few bites.  It's a standard chocolate cake, with chocolate icing and drizzled with chocolate sauce.  It's really great.

We almost always see folks from Grace at the restaurant, so it's apparent many of our friends know how great this place is.  It they could just fix the parking issues at the shopping center, it would be even better.  With Chick-Fil-A right across the street, and the restaurants over at Maple Lawn, the entire area has become a great location for some really good meals.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Steelers' Woes

My Steelers continued a rotten season by losing again this afternoon, their sixth loss this year.  Today's loss follows lost weeks loss to a horrible Oakland Raiders team, who for whatever reason just seems to have the Steelers' number.  Today's loss was to a New England Patriots team that, likewise, seems to have the Steelers' number, but it was the way they lost.  They kept coming back in the game, and then they would let the Pats move right back down the field to take the lead again.  It was ridiculous.  The Patriots coach, Bill Belichick, seems to always want to rub it in by having his team keep scoring, just because they can.  To me, it's not very sporting, but he's shone he's not a very nice guy.  And I'm kind of bitter given how badly the Steelers played.

On the other hand, I can't help but be amused by many of the Baltimore Ravens fans that I know.  So many of them have been posting how happy they are that the Ravens have a better record than the Steelers.  This after the Ravens lost again today and are just as bad as the Steelers, and have even lost to the Steelers already just a few weeks ago, but have a slightly better record.  I can honestly say I could care less what's happening with the Ravens.  My happiness is not determined by whether the Steelers or Ravens have a better record, especially in a season when they're both terrible.

That being said, the Steelers have to make some major changes, including the possibility of changing coaches.  I don't necessarily think Head Coach Mike Tomlin needs to be fired, even though I think he's part of the problem, but I agree with the assessment that both the Offensive and Defensive Coordinators need to be changed.  I love Coach Dick LeBeau, but given how poorly the defense has played the last few weeks, it might be time.

***

This has turned into a very restful weekend, which is great after the extremely stressful week I had at work.  My daughter and I came home Friday afternoon and I almost immediately fell asleep on the couch.  I felt bad, since I slept until almost 8 p.m.  My daughter made her own dinner!

We both slept in on Saturday morning, as well, and it was a really good, solid rest.  After a trip to Larriland Farms for some apples and goodies, we went to church, then a nice dinner at La Palapa Too, one of our favorite places to eat, and a stop at Sweet Frog for frozen yogurt.  We tried not to stay up too late, but the time change allowed us that extra hour which was really great.

Sunday really was a day of rest.  I watched a lot of football, and except for the frustration of the Steelers losing, it was a nice day.

***

We received some very disturbing news about the lead pastor at our church, Grace Community, on Saturday.  After the death a few weeks ago of our worship leader, Stephen Namie, Pastor Mark let us know that he had some difficulties with the heart issues he's been dealing with for quite a few years, and it appears that he will need open heart double bypass surgery.  If you're a praying person, your prayers for him, as well as your continued prayers for the Namie family, are greatly appreciated.  Their problems make my own pale in comparison.

Have a great week, everyone!

Kissing Stories

I was fascinated to hear that a friend who recently passed away saved his first kiss for the girl he eventually married.  I wish I could have said that.  I was way too nervous around girls to even try to kiss them.  I figured that my first kiss would be something special and mean something to the girl who got it.  Well, that wasn't how it worked out for me.  I haven't kissed very many women.  And I'm not talking about a "greeting" kiss, or a peck on the cheek, or anything not resembling what one might define as romantic.  In fact, there's only one woman I've ever kissed who told me later she went "ga-ga" over it.  That was my wife, not too long before we were married.  It was quite a compliment.

My first real kiss is kind of hard to define.  It wasn't with someone I fell in love with, nor was it very romantic.  I'd love to say that I waited until the right girl came along, but, actually, you could say I was cornered and gave in to a very pushy young lady when I was a Junior in high school.  I had been invited to a party at a friend's house, and I ended up befriending the young lady, who I didn't know before that night, and she got the wrong idea about me, shadowing me wherever I went for a while.  I tried to avoid her for much of the night, and I was a wall flower anyway, so I slinked off to a corner of the room and tried to hide.  In the meantime, she was dancing up a storm all over the room when, rather suddenly, she fainted.  Apparently, she had overdone it.  She came to very quickly, and was helped to the couch, right next to me.  She then proceeded to lean on me, then laid her head on my shoulder.  She kept telling me she was okay, and joked that she wasn't coming on to me.  I finally escaped and found a wall to lean on across the room.  She made her way over to me, and the next thing I knew, I was cornered.  She actually backed me into a corner, and pressed her lips into mine.  I was so uncomfortable, but didn't know how to get out of the situation.  I literally just let her have her way with me, and made out with her for the next half hour or so.  I was in no way attracted to her.  She was very pushy.  I felt like everyone in the room was staring at us.  But I didn't know what to do.  At some point, she came up for air, and I politely excused myself to the bathroom so I could get away.  When I came out, I decided that it was time for me to get out of there and head home.  I didn't say good bye.

I remember not too long after that, I was invited to a birthday party for a friend from down the street.  She had invited a lot of friends from school and from around our neighborhood.  As the evening went along, and with so many teens in the room, a game of "Spin the Bottle" was started.  Being rather naive, I didn't know what the game was all about, but I found out fairly quickly.  Jane, the birthday girl, was the first one I had to kiss, and to make it easier, we were allowed to go behind a chair to kiss "in private".  Jane actually kissed me, and I later learned she had a huge crush on me.  Several minutes later, it was my turn again.  This time I had to kiss my crush, Alice.  I guess Alice didn't feel quite the same about me as I did for her, and I got an "air" kiss, which was no kiss at all.  I felt very dejected.

Several years ago, I was dating "Kay", and things had gotten very serious.  We had talked about marriage, and you might say we were "pre-engaged".  It was a long-distance relationship.  She lived in Oklahoma, and I live here in Maryland, so we were only able to see each other about once each month.  When we did see each other, she tried to make up for lost time.  She loved to kiss.  I've never known anyone who liked kissing as much as she did.  I should be clear here that I don't believe in sex outside of a marriage relationship, and Kay believed the same, so kissing was as physical as our relationship ever got.  Unfortunately, it was quite exhausting.  She had lots of energy.  I was generally jet-lagged.  But she sure smelled nice.

I never kissed on the first date.  Even with Teresa, my wife, I waited until our second date, and I asked first.  I broke this rule a few years ago on a date I met online at a dating site.  She was one of the most beautiful women I've ever gone out with.  That made her totally out of my league.  And it turned out that we had nothing in common.  I have no idea how we ended up getting matched together.  I knew we weren't going to ever go out again after that night when she told me that she enjoyed sleeping in the nude, and regularly went to topless beaches with her friends.  She was much too forward for someone like me.  I was disappointed throughout the evening that she never asked me anything about myself, but she sure liked to talk about herself.  Anyway, after a lengthy three hour first date, I walked her to her car, and she leaned in for a kiss good night.  I broke my first date kissing rule, and regretted it.  She wasn't worth it.  I never saw her again.

I don't know how I got on this topic, but I'm also not sure how kissing fits into dating when you're over the age of 40.  "Making out" just seems so inappropriate anymore.  Sex is still out of the question, at least until and unless I get married again.  I feel like I missed my chance.

I'm not against kissing, but there's a time and a place, as well as the right person, that one should wait for.  I hope my daughter uses good judgement.  You only get one first kiss.

Have a great evening, everyone.

THE AMAZING RACE

One of our favorite TV shows is THE AMAZING RACE.  It's an amazing show, and different from many of the other so-called reality TV shows in that the players race each other, with the last team at each leg's finish line being eliminated.  There's no tribal counsel, or voting off of competitors.  The players control their own fate, though they may be affected by bad luck.  Anyway, 11 teams of two players compete with each other in an around-the-world race, performing tasks of varying difficulty all along the way, many matching the culture of the particular location, with the winning team at the end of the journey winning $1 million.

I started watching the show from the very first episode of the first season, and I was hooked.  I'm a cartographer by trade, and I love maps and travel, so this "race" had me intrigued.  My wife, who was out that evening, arrived home about halfway through that first episode, and she watched it with me, getting hooked, as well.  We faithfully watched every episode of each season from that point on.  I have never missed it, and now watch it regularly with my daughter.  I was so intrigued by it that, at one point, I downloaded the application and determined that my wife and I should attempt to do it.  The only thing that stopped us was the fine print, which stated CBS, the network that airs the show, would not be held responsible should injury or loss of life occur during the race due to natural disaster or political uprising in a country the race passes through along the race.  That was my first indicator that this might not be just another vacation.

Anyway, my daughter and I are enjoying the show now, and we usually like to root for the father-daughter teams, of which there have been plenty.  We also dislike the teams that are just plain mean to others, or to their teammates.  To us, there is no room for bad-mouthing other cultures just because you may not understand the language or because their standard of living isn't up to that of our own country.  You shouldn't get points for being nasty.  I really love the locations and the "wanderlust" always grabs me when I see some of the foreign lands that they encounter.  Northern Europe and South America are two areas I'd like to see someday, and that's entirely due to watching THE AMAZING RACE.

While we watch, I always ask my daughter if she feels like she can do the particular task the the racers are doing, just to gauge her interest.  I think it's very possible that we could do the race when she gets older.  In hindsight, I'm not sure my wife would've been able to handle many of the obstacles and tasks on the race.  She wasn't a very athletic person, and I'm sure she would have found many of them difficult.  At one point, I figured my brother and I could do it, and we'd be pretty entertaining, too, for a TV audience.  I'm sure we would end up fighting throughout, but we'd be competitive.  My brother is about 6' 6" tall and fairly athletic.  I'm 6' 2", and while I'm not as "in shape" as I used to me, I have no doubt that my smarts, along with my brother's brawn, could be a good combination.  Now I like to think about my daughter and me competing.  I think the teammates need to be able to get along.  That's what would've worked for my and my wife.  My brother and I would probably end up fighting the whole way.

Anyway, THE AMAZING RACE is a great show, family-friendly for the most part, and will get your adrenaline pumping and anxious to travel the world.  Check it out, if you can.  Sunday nights at 8 on CBS.  THE AMAZING RACE is brought to you by blogger Eric at AWAY FROM THE THINGS OF MAN....

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Halloween Bee

Another Halloween is upon us!  My daughter, Melody, like most kids, LOVES Halloween.  She loves picking out a costume, she loves decorating (and gets mad at me because I don't go all out like my father...you oughta see THEIR place!  Scary decorations all over the place, things in the yard, headless man sitting on the front porch, scary music and sound effects, scaring little and big kids out of their britches...Dad does it right!)...and Melody loves trick-or-treating best of all.  She was excited this year because I let her go out with a friend instead of going with me or my sister.  It made her feel "grown up", I guess....or as grown up as you can be dressed in a silly costume..

Anyway, she went as a Bumblebee this year.  She looked pretty great!  She even had the black and gold color scheme of our Pittsburgh sports teams, except it reminded me too much of the Steelers' throwback uniforms.  You know the ones.  Even if you aren't a football fan, I'm sure you've seen the atrocious black and gold vertically-striped prison attire that the team wears for special occasions.  Here you go:

I got into the act, too, and wore a costume, sort of.  I went out as a Pirate.  Actually, I'm a Pittsburgh Pirate.  All of the sports jerseys of my favorite teams sure come in handy at Halloween!

So round 1 is done.  We're headed over to Mom & Dad's for round 2.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

New Job, New Responsibilities, New Stress, New Meds

My job recently changed and my area of responsibility has increased significantly.  I went from having about 60 employees to well over 100.  The type of work those employees do varies greatly, and I have a mix of white and blue collar work.  I've never managed a blue collar workforce, and there are vast differences from what I'm used to.  For example, I'm having difficulties with a few employees who are having major disagreements with each other, and this has led to threatening behavior.  I have rarely, if ever, seen this before in my career, and it has me obviously concerned.  In fact, an outbreak of violence is a distinct possibility.  Of course, if this actually happens, removal of the employee is likely.

This is really kind of sad to see, since the way things are in the federal government right now, those with jobs should be pretty thankful that they have one.  Furloughs, shut-downs, sequesters.... this is a bad time to be a Fed.  The last thing one should be doing is putting themselves at risk of losing theirs.  So I've got to fix the problem.  And because I'm new to the situation, there are some trust issues.  They don't know me, and I really don't know them.  I'm going to have to meet with them separately and talk about the problem and hope that I can get them to work together amicably.  I know, it sounds like it should be easy.  Stay tuned.

***

The stress I'm dealing with has increased along with my job responsibilities.  I hate stress.  It stresses me out.

I went to see my doctor on Saturday.  I'm a type 2 diabetic, and I have high blood pressure and hypertension, so check-ups are a necessary thing.  As a single dad, I'm concerned about being around for my nine year old daughter.  She lost her mom when she was a baby, and while I'm trying hard to find her a new mom in the form of a companion for me, there's really nothing on the horizon.  So, anyway, I went to see my doctor.  I was a bit worried that he wanted to do a full physical, but fortunately all he needed to do was some blood work.  I went through the litany of issues I'm dealing with (sleeplessness, stress, arthritis in various body parts, big feet, hair everywhere, a lumpy skull, teeth grinding, sleep apnea, restless legs, snoring, missing gall bladder, poor posture, dizziness, and probably a few other things I can't remember).  He gave me the old speech about not being young anymore.  It reminded me of something my Dad likes to say all the time:  "Gettin' old ain't for sissies!"  He's right.

Anyway, he called me yesterday with the results of my blood work.  I'm actually in better shape than I had guessed!  My diabetes is well in control, blood pressure is normal, cholesterol is a little high, but liver enzymes are high, too.  He wants me to have an endoscopy.  He also referred me to get a sleep study done.  Both ought to be a lot of fun.  The rest of my issues are just getting the right mix of meds, getting more exercise, and eating better.  I can't remember a time when that wasn't what I needed to do.  Anyway, I'm thankful that things seemed as well as they did.  I guess I'm going to live for a little while longer.

***

I'm planning to go car hunting this weekend.  I haven't looked at a new car in over 5 years.  I currently have two, one is 9 years old, and the other is 5.  I've had zero car payments for almost a years now.  You can get used to that after a while!

Anyway, on my wishlist is a Jeep Wrangler, preferably the 4-door Unlimited model.  I would likely trade in my current Jeep, which is low mileage despite being a 2004 model.  I hope to get the all done sometime this weekend, but we'll see how it goes.  I'm due for new tires, as well, for my Jeep, and that could cost me anywhere between $800 and $1000, which is crazy.  We'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I just fell asleep in the middle of typing this, so I'm outta gas.  Time for bed.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Dinner With The In-Laws At The Corner Stable

We went to dinner tonight with my in-laws to a place called the Corner Stable, over in King's Contrivance in Columbia.  Their claim is that they have the best crab cakes and ribs in Baltimore, and we put them to the test.  I really love my wife's family, and it had been a while since I last got together with all of them.  Grandma (Lynda), Grandaddy (Jim), Aunt Jody, Uncle Jerry, and Aunt Janice joined my daughter, Melody, and me.

Let's start with the food.  Most of us got the crab cakes, including me.  I love a good crab cake!  It had a good taste overall, but I was just a little disappointed at the size.  It was a good size, but honestly, I'm used to the crab cakes at Timbuktu or G&M, which are softball-sized.  Timbuktu beats them out for the overall better taste, in my mind.  For my sides, I got the mashed potatoes & gravy, and the vegetable medley.  Jerry and Jody both got the ribs, and while they said they enjoyed them, both noted they have had better.  Melody had the fried shrimp with broccoli and apple sauce, and she was very pleased.

The Corner Stable is nice overall, but it doesn't stand out as anything too special.  We enjoyed talking with our very knowledgeable server, Kayla, who put up with a lot of kidding by the family, including their attempts to set me up with her.  Once they heard she was only 21, they realized how ridiculous the whole attempt was, especially after I reminded them that they were old enough to be the poor young lady's grandparents.  But she was kind enough to bring a birthday sundae to Jim, even though his birthday was at the beginning of October.  The ambiance gets a solid B, but the service gets an A.  The food was a B.

The rest of the night was enjoyable conversation and laughs with the whole gang.  Anytime you get siblings Jim, Jody, and Jerry together, you get a good time.  Just a sampling of their stories:

Jim recounted the time he went to have a colonoscopy, and after putting on his gown, getting up on the gurney, and the doctor had given him the anesthetic to knock him out, he asked the doctor if he should have taken off his underwear.

Jerry shared his recent trip to the dentist.  All he wanted was a cleaning, but the dentist had other plans.  Unfortunately, the hygienist was off that day, so the dentist did the cleaning.  He promised Jerry a thorough cleaning using a new technique that worked much like a water pic.  Except the water pressure was significant, and Jerry said he thought he was being tortured by water boarding.  He finally yelled at the dentist to stop, and said he was drowning, and the dentist said he knew what he was doing...he had a full year of training on this technique.  Jerry asked, "When?  In 1938?!?"  The dentist told him to calm down, and they started again.  Jerry said he had a towel wrapped around his head and he was still soaked by the time he finished.  He also had x-rays done, and the dentist had this HD-quality TV that magnified his teeth by about 400 times, and the dentist then pointed out a cavity that Jerry said looked like the grand canyon on the screen, but must have been really tiny in reality.  The dentist told him he needed 11 crowns.  Cost?  $17K.  Jerry said, "Are you serious?!?  I'm not made of money!"  They dentist asked how many could he have done.  "Two?" he asked.  Jerry said, "How about one."  The dentist said okay.  Jerry got up to leave, went to the front desk, where the receptionist asked when he wanted to schedule his next appointment, and Jerry said, "Never," and walked out.  It was a funny story.  I guess you had to be there.

Anyway, it was a great evening, and I'm glad we got a chance to visit with everyone.  Jody (AJ) in particular seemed to be very thankful we could all get together.  I always love these opportunities for Melody to spend with her Mom's family.  Thank God for this wonderful family.

Have a great evening, everyone!

Secrets on The Blacklist

I watch a lot of TV, probably more than I should.  There are certain shows that I find very entertaining, and some that I enjoy watching with my daughter, who is nine.  I try to stick with family-friendly shows, overall, but there are a few that I wouldn't want my daughter to watch, and don't let her.  90% of what I watch is pre-recorded on our Tivo.  The only live TV is generally sporting events, usually featuring my favorite teams, such as the Steelers, Pirates, Penguins, or Terrapins (and don't even get me started on the Steelers fifth loss of the season today at the hands of the Oakland Raiders.  Ugh.).

One show I've been watching this season is The Blacklist, starring the always entertaining and creepy James Spader, who plays a crime boss working with the FBI, and Megan Boone, a Rachael Ray lookalike who is rapidly growing on me, as an FBI agent named Liz. This is one of those shows that I won't let me daughter watch, as the violence is pretty severe.  However, the characters are very compelling, and I'm finding the twists and turns that are introduced each week are twisting and turning my stomach, a sure sign that the show is affecting me (in an entertaining way).

I don't want to give away too much, as I highly recommend that you check it out, but one of the most compelling continuing story lines is the relationship between Liz and her husband.  In the first episode, thanks to a hint from Spader's character, she finds out that he's got a whole bunch of secrets and possibly a secret life in the form of a hidden stash of passports, other identities, a gun, and money, all hidden underneath the kitchen floorboards.  The interactions between them are all the more intriguing knowing she knows he's got this hidden life, and he doesn't know it.

This story line actually made me think about their relationship as husband and wife, and the world-view of how their relationship is looked at versus what a Christ-centered relationship should be.  The first thing is the fact that they obviously keep secrets from each other.  Since we're still finding out about them, we really don't know that much, except that he's involved in some potentially sinister stuff that she knew nothing about, and the fact that she, as an FBI agent, has secrets she's not allowed to share with him.  Another issue that they seem to be dealing with is that they are trying to adopt a child.  Either she is not able to have children, or he, is not clear.  But it's also become clear that her job isn't necessarily conducive to them having a child.  He seems to be really making an effort, and either she isn't, or she recognizes that it may not be a good idea.  Anyway, they're not talking about it.  He's trying to get her to open up, but she's at the point where she really doesn't know if she can even trust him anymore.

What made me think about all this is the fact that they would have any secrets to begin with.  I remember when my wife and I got married, we had no secrets between us, and if we had tried to keep any, the other would have figured out that there was a secret being kept from me/her.  That's how a marriage should be.  There's no reason to keep secrets from each other.  "The two shall become one."  In this age of divorce, it might be more realistic, unfortunately, for a couple to keep secrets from each other.  This is what I refer to as the world-view.  The Christ-centered marriage, filled with trust, is now unrealistic because it's not as common.  Isn't that sad?

I may be exaggerating a bit, and maybe it isn't as unrealistic as it appears, but at least on TV, it's certainly more common for couples to hide stuff from each other.  I really can't imagine keeping secrets from my wife, though, and I believe that is the way God intended.

All right, it's bedtime.  Have a great week, everyone.

My Small Car

About five years ago, I bought a little sports car, a Mazda MX-5, also known as a Miata.  It's a really small car, easily the smallest car I've ever owned, but it is so much fun to drive.  It's very fast, and it hugs the road like nothing else.  I love driving it.

I had several reasons for buying it.  At the time, I already had a convertible Mustang, but I really didn't like it. It was a base model, so it had a V6, which was a real dog.  It also got terrible gas mileage for a V6 engine, so it had the same economy as the GT, but none of the performance.  I had really wanted a convertible, though, and it was one of the most affordable, so that's why I got it.  Unfortunately, I was never able to use it with the top down because my daughter, who was in daycare at my office building and rode with me to and from work each day, couldn't handle the wind blowing in her face in the backseat, so I had to leave it up, since she was with me 95% of the time!  So I started looking for something different, more economical, and much more fun to drive with performance to match.  The Mazda fit the bill.

Wow, what a difference!  That car was just so much better than the Mustang.  The gas mileage was excellent, it was a five speed, and it could fly!  One benefit to having the Mazda is that it has only 2 seats, so the wind didn't bother my daughter nearly as much, so the top was down all the time.  The only real problem with it is how small it is.  The trunk is ridiculously small, and next to impossible to carry anything bigger than a gym bag and a small load of groceries.  The car doesn't even have a spare tire!  But the pluses far outweigh any negatives.

An unfortunate note for me regarding these cars is how popular they are with gay men.  I didn't know this, at least at first, and I became a target of their "friendliness".  I'm as straight as straight can be, so I was a bit uncomfortable with the attention.

Today was one of those days when having such a small car was not very helpful.  My daughter and I stopped at a local K-mart to look for a Halloween costume for her.  However, we ended up finding a lot of other things that we had been trying to find, including a beanbag chair for my daughter's room, with all of the filling in separate bags, a new winter coast for her, a 24-pack of toilet paper, a 3-pack of paper towels, and a costume for my girl.  After paying for it all, I remembered which car I brought.  Well, it didn't come close to fitting in the trunk.  So I had to begin stuffing things into the cabin of the car.  My daughter was a sardine.  It was just a bit too cold to put the top down today.

Anyway, we made it home fine, and I still have no regrets about buying that little car.  We've taken it on many trips, and as long as we don't pack too heavily, we're okay.  Our worst trip ended up being one we took to Florida.  It required us putting a luggage rack on the trunk, but that did the trick.  Otherwise, it wouldn't have worked very well.  I have a Jeep Liberty in addition to my Mazda, so if I need to do any major hauling, I can use the Jeep, but it isn't anywhere near as fun to drive.  The Mazda is just a lot of fun.

Have a great evening, everyone!

A Funeral for a Friend

I hate funerals.  No offense to the dearly departed.  They are amazingly sad, and despite the closure they bring to the loved ones left behind, and that they can be a fantastic tribute to the person who has left this life, including gathering people from all aspects of their life in one place for maybe only the first or second time ever, I struggle every time I attend one, as they make me confront my own mortality.

Today was Stephen Namie's memorial service.  There were a lot of people in attendance, probably more than at any funeral I've ever attended, including my wife's.  Steve touched a lot of lives.  That alone is a tribute to him and the type of person he was.  He loved the Lord, and he loved the people in his life.  He was an amazing talent, as a singer, musician, and actor.  And he was greatly loved, by his family and his friends.  I wish I had known him better than I did.

The service was beautiful, as most funerals tend to be.  There was a huge choir singing many of the songs he himself sang at many services at Grace.  In fact, I felt like I was seeing and hearing and all-star gathering of Grace singers.  I didn't sing any of the songs, as I preferred to just listen to the beautiful sounds of the choir.  There were many speakers.  Aside from the wonderful tribute by Mark Norman, Grace's lead pastor and one of Steve's many close friends, there were tributes from his brothers and sisters, his father, and a friend.  It was a nice service.

Tracy, Steve's wife, also spoke.  In fact, she was charming and funny.  I was amazed.  When I think back on my wife, Teresa's, funeral, there was no way I could have stood up and said anything.  I was just too emotional.  Tracy also did something I wish I had been able to do:  She brought up her daughter, Jordan, to the stage so that she could see all the people whose lives her father touched.  I though that was so great.  Melody, my daughter, was only 5 months old when Teresa died, so I didn't have that option.  But it was pretty cool.

The service ended on a sad note, as reality came back and the reality of Steve's passing hit home.  I kept thinking about the days ahead.  Tracy is going to need so much support.  It appears as if her family and her church family will be able to provide that support.  Steve will be missed by so many, but especially for his family.  Lord, please be with her and Steve's whole family, as well as his friends.  Thank you, Lord!

Unsafe Community; Dating Older Women?

Scary news today as we heard shortly after getting home that my daughter's school was on lock-down, and that there had been a shooting about a mile down the road, at US 1.  A man shot a police officer and a man hunt has been going on since.  They still haven't found the shooter.  The police officer was transported to the hospital in serious condition.  There has been no news for several hours, and the man remains at large.  We received an automated alert from Howard County police about the incident at around 7 p.m.  We heard helicopters overhead several times, but I'm not aware of whether they're police or news copters.  We haven't been outside since we got the news.  I'm sure Faithful Pup Scout is going to have to go outside soon.  We have a line of trees in our backyard, and a huge field with power lines stretching for at least a mile all the way to US 1, so someone could easily use that area to hide.  This leaves me feeling uneasy.

When  these types of incidents happen, I always feel uneasy and violated.  I've lived in this house for 12 years, and it angers me that one person, in this case the shooter, can impact my community in such a negative way that I want to leave, just move away, as soon as possible.  To me, this is a signal that my community has changed, that someone believes that it's okay to commit crimes and shoot people without remorse, and to make people barricade themselves in their own homes, and there's nothing we can do about it or risk possibly being shot ourselves since we have no idea where this guy is.  I recognize that this kind of thing can happen anywhere, but there have been signs for several years now, even here on my own street, that my neighborhood is changing in a negative way.  There is crime, the types of crimes that were alien to this community a decade ago, but are now commonplace.  I've had my car broken into even though it is right in front of my house.  When I find candy wrappers next to my car door when I leave for work at 6 a.m., I know that someone, during the night, was looking inside my car for something to steal.

I want out of here.  My community is not mine anymore.  I want a better life for me and especially my daughter.  This is crazy.  I hope they catch this guy!

BREAKING: Suspect ID'd in shooting of police officer in Laurel earlier today.

Howard County police are offering a reward up to $50,000 for information leading to the arrest of a suspect wanted for shooting a police officer in Laurel this afternoon. Stephon Prather, 29, of no fixed address, is wanted for attempted murder of a police officer and multiple counts of assault against officers.



***

On a totally different topic, I just read that men out number women on online dating sites by a 5:1 ratio.  It may explain why I don't have a date, or that the women I'm attracted to on these sites don't answer my requests.  They're likely getting better offers.  On top of all this, I heard that women are also looking for men up to 5 years younger than them, on average.  How do you like that!?  This is not good news.  How can I compete with those guys?  They have age on their side!  I don't stand a chance!

I liked it much better when it was the other way around.  I feel like I can actually compete with the guys that are around my age and looking for younger women.  And I'm not talking about 5, 10, or even more years younger.  I'll take someone who is just a few MONTHS younger, if it means I've got a shot at a date with her.  But when I'm excluded just because I'm a few years too old...?  That hurts.

So how AM I doing on the dating scene?  Still no dates.  Still getting interest from women who just don't come close to meeting the criteria I established.  What can you do?

Well, it's past my bedtime.  I've been having some pretty cinematic dreams lately, and I'm hoping to have one along the lines of a Bond film... I wouldn't mind dating a Bond girl!  However, I'll probably end up in a typical Bond scene and get shot at, especially since they haven't caught that shooter yet.

Have a great night everyone!

Finding God in Tragedy

When I started writing this blog a few years back, I never imagined anyone would want to read it, and I didn't anticipate having enough material to write something on an almost daily basis.  I'm in awe of those who are creative enough to come up with something interesting each day, and are able to build up an audience of devoted readers.  I can honestly say that I don't have any preconceived story ideas when I sit down to write (type...whatever).  Every so often I get an idea to write about, but I really only had a few stories worth telling, particularly early on.  Most of the time, I start typing out what's on my mind, and a story comes out.  I truly believe God has a big role in this, and I'd like to think He is the reason for my writing this blog.

In fact, early on, the blog was therapy for me.  I've mentioned many times here, my wife, Teresa, passed away nine years ago, five short months after the birth of our daughter.  Her death was the result of a heart condition we were unaware of, and she collapsed right in front of me during a walk outside of the school she taught at, Reservoir High, as a freshman English and public speaking teacher.  She had a massive heart attack, and paramedics were not able to revive her.  The time after her death was horrible for me.  Though I knew, as a follower of Christ, that Teresa was with the Lord in Heaven, I fell into a deep depression, and I was completely overwhelmed, both with the care of my daughter, and life in general.  I'm so fortunate to have had my family to support me during this rough period of my life.  And God was there with me through it all, even when I wasn't looking for Him.

The days ahead were awful, and every day was a chore.  Work was difficult, and I found myself just sleepwalking through many days.  At my lowest, I was coherent enough to send out a plea for help, and several people answered.  One of the first was Pastor Mark from my church, Grace Community.  He asked me if we could meet and talk, and we met at Seibel's restaurant in Burtonsville, where he listened to me run through all of the things that were bothering me.  Mark shared some advice with me that truly helped me work through the depression I was feeling at the time, and I credit him with starting me onto the road to recovery, or at least back into the living life again, and recognizing that I needed to turn to the Lord in order to get myself better, knowing that I wouldn't be any help to my daughter until I did so.

Another person who offered help was a wonderful young lady named Erin from one of the youth groups I had worked with about ten years prior.  She had gotten married quite young, and she and her husband were living in Kentucky with their three young children, including their 3 month old son.  I had remained in touch with her and her family.  About a year before Teresa died, Erin's husband was killed in a terrible car accident, leaving her a widow with three young kids.  When Erin heard about Teresa's death, she sent me a letter that provided so much encouragement and advice.  To this day, when I'm having a bad day, I can think of her kind words and they truly get me through the day.  She said that I should embrace the feelings that I was experiencing, as unique as they are, and recognize that I wasn't going to necessarily "get over" Teresa's death.  This experience was a part of me, a part of my "life story".  And there will be random times when memories of Teresa will pop up and into my head, and I may breakdown as a result.  And this is normal.  This advice ended up making the most sense to me and really helped me move forward in my grief.

Several months later, during a particularly bad time, I was going through some of Teresa's things and I found myself cleaning out her wallet.  In it was a little scrap of paper on which was written in her handwriting the following verse:  1 Peter 5:10 - "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." This is such a powerful verse, and I immediately broke down and cried.  I felt like Teresa had written this verse for me to find, knowing that it would provide comfort at a time when I would need it.It is such a powerful

Stephen Namie's death and home going has been on my mind all week, and I've found myself thinking about Teresa's death all over again.  And though this is a time to remember and honor Stephen's life, my thoughts and prayers are with his wife, Tracy, and their children.  What can I say to them that might comfort them, especially when I find myself being overwhelmed by this?  I don't know.  But having been through what Tracy is going through, I hope that she will find herself surrounded by people who care about and for her, especially in the months ahead.  It's one thing to provide support to her in the days, and even weeks, to come, but it's the long-term that she will need people in her life.  I don't know Tracy, and I really didn't know Stephen very well, but I hope that those who do are able to be there for her.  And I pray that God "...will Himself restore her and make her strong, firm, and steadfast."