Dating is really hard. I hate it. It's not fun, except when it is. When you have success, especially when you only have to be successful once (leading to marriage), it is fun and actually feels pretty good. But most of the time, the odds of success are pretty slim, depending on who you are and who you are dating.
I was kind of lucky, I guess. I only seriously dated two young ladies before I met the woman who I married. I dated a lot more women who I had every intention of dating seriously, but I very seldom went with on a second date. A part of this is because I was so picky. Ridiculously picky. I was pretty clueless, too, when a woman showed interest in me. I missed out on a few dates with some wonderful young ladies just because I didn't recognize the signs of their interest. Renee, who was in the University of Maryland's Mighty Sound of Maryland Marching Band with me, became a good friend while we were in the band, and practically threw herself at me (I was told later), but I showed absolutely no interest in her because I just didn't realize it, and I was also afraid of messing up our friendship. I ruined our friendship as a result, because there really wasn't a friendship. She wanted a relationship with me, and I didn't respond. So she looked for someone else. Yeah, I was dumb.
I guess I shouldn't complain. I did marry the woman I believe God prepared for me, and me for her, and we had a wonderful, almost storybook-like marriage. If it had worked out with Renee, or any other of the young ladies I dated, I wouldn't have had the wonderful experience with Teresa. Unfortunately, my marriage lasted less than five years. I don't think anyone would have predicted that she would die at such a young age.
So, eventually, I was back where I started...back in the dating pool, just older. I really didn't want to be back in the pool, though. As I mentioned, I hated dating. I didn't want to have to go through it again, especially when I thought I was done with it. So I've had my fair share of dating. In fact, I've probably dated more since Teresa's death than I ever did before I met her. And, just as before, I've been on very few second dates. Dating makes me miserable. I've been happy when things are going well, but that isn't very often. To make matters worse, I caught a look of myself in a mirror recently while out in public and I didn't like the sight that greeted me. I'm not in very good shape. I'm certainly not prepared to make a good first impression on anyone I might want to date. Not that I'm having any luck there, either. The latest dating site I'm on has attracted zero women who I might be interested in dating, and those I've shown interest in have not returned that interest. And though I know there is only so much you can learn about a person on a dating site, the women who HAVE shown an interest in me do not come close to the preferences I've outlined on my profile.
I should follow my cousin's advice. Jamie is one of my favorite cousins who is constantly sending me advice about dating and how easy it is (though I think it's important to mention that she married young). She is very much an extrovert and does find meeting people very easy. Not me, the classic introvert. Anyway, Jamie is always telling me to just walk right up to someone I'm attracted to and feed them a line. She says it almost always works. I honestly find that hard to believe.
I'm thinking I might just give up on actively trying to date and just wait until my little girl is older and goes off to college. It would probably be easier to fine someone who matches up well with me, instead of someone who matches up with me AND my daughter. And even though I feel like my daughter has been cheated out of having a mom, since she lost hers when she was just a baby, that's probably going to be easier for me.
In the meantime, unless you really think I'm a lost cause, feel free to send pics and profiles of women looking for a nice guy to date. Maybe it will work out....who knows. Life is crazy that way.
Blessings and best wishes. Good night, everyone!