Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Who Wants To Marry a Trillionaire?


Johnny Bravo - Emcee, Debonair
The Trillionaire - Bachelor Extraordinaire
The Brides - Desperate and don’t care

(Theme Music and Applause)

Johnny Bravo - Welcome back to “Who wants to Marry a Trillionaire?"!  I’m your host, Johnny Bravo!  Let’s recap how our little game works!  We have chosen, completely at random, a very, very rich bachelor.  This gentleman, despite his amazing wealth, has just not been able to find a wife.  So, he’s come to us.  He's the 35-year old heir to the Peter Piper's Pickles fortune, from Punxsutawny, Pennsylvania, please welcome this week's Mr. Trillionaire.... Mr. Carl "Cool Cash" Casablanca!!!  (Audience cheers loudly as Carl enters from backstage)

Mr. Trillionaire Carl - (Snaps fingers, gives a thumbs up, and points at Johnny)  Thank you, Johnny!  You're awesome, Babe!

Johnny - Thanks, Carl.  Okay, we have chosen, also completely at random, from a huge pool of applicants, several of the most desperate brides in the US of A!  We have gone through a very elaborate screening and interview process to choose three finalists for our rich bachelor to choose from.  The winning young lady will then get to spend eternity with the husband of her dreams, living happily for the rest of her life in wealth and luxury with him.  And he will get a wonderful trophy wife to stand by his side!  (Applause)  And now, here are our lovely contestants!

(The brides enter and pose.  More applause.)

Johnny - There they are, folks!  Aren’t they beautiful?  Okay, now here are our 3 finalists:
#1 - She's a 25-year old auto mechanic from Accident, Maryland, Ms. Barbara Sue Edsel!  (Audience cheers)
#2 - She's a 27-year old travel agent from Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico, Ms. Mary Ann Melontime!  (Audience screams louder)
And #3 - She's a 26-year old Small Claims Court Lawyer from Santa Claus, Indiana, Ms. Tanya Tannenbaum! (Audience delirious)

Johnny - Now I’m going to ask one last question of each of you.  Ms. Edsel, you're first....

Barbara - (rushes over to him, putting her arms around him to give him a hug)  Oh, yes, Johnny, yes....can I have your autograph?

Johnny - (Brushes her arms away) Ms. you think communication is important in a marriage relationship?

Barbara - (Enthusiastically) Oh, absolutely!  And I would check my email, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, MySpace, Pinterest, and text messages at least 15 times a day!  (Audience claps politely)

Johnny - All right!  Thank you, Ms. Edsel!  Okay, Ms. Melontime, if our rich bachelor chooses you, how would you choose to spend his money?

Mary Ann - Well, like, I was on my way over to the studio this morning and I saw this actress on the cover of a magazine and I said, wow, that’s exactly the kind of nose I wish I had, so I think, if he chooses me, and I really really REALLY hope he does ‘cause I’ll love him forever and ever, I would want to get a nose job, since that’s what I --

Johnny - (Cuts her off)  Ok, thank you, Ms. Melontime!  (Audience cheers loudly)  All right, Ms. Tannenbaum, most people would say compromise is the key to any relationship.  What do you think is the key?

Tanya - Well, it’s so funny.  The word I was thinking of also begins with a ‘c’.  I would have to say “cash” is the most important thing in a marriage relationship.  "Cool Cash", right Carl-kins?  (Outrageous applause from the audience)

Johnny - Okay, and there you have it!  Now, Mr. Trillionaire, it's time for you to make your choice.  Who is going to be your new bride?  Will it be.....Ms. Edsel? (Applause)  Ms. Melontime? (More applause) Or, Ms. Tannenbaum? (Crowd is nutso crazy)

Mr. Trillionaire Carl - (Applause abruptly stops)  Thanks, Johnny, and thanks for giving this opportunity to pick the one girl I will love and adore for the rest of my life.  I’ve thought about it a lot, and the one I most want to marry is......Terry Tannenboom!  (Silence)  Er- I mean Tina Terrybottom!  (Crickets chirping) Uh...I mean, this girl right here! (Walks over to Tanya.)  (Crowd is fanatical)

Johnny - Why did you pick Tanya, Mr. Trillion?

Mr. Trillionaire Carl - Well, I love them all, but we both seem to agree that “cash” is the key to a loving relationship, and I have a lot of it!  (He gets down on one knee)  Tracy....

Tanya - "Tanya".

Mr. Trillionaire Carl - Whatever....Will you marry me?  (Audience oooohs and aaaaaahs)

Tanya - (Starts getting very emotional, fans her face with her hands)  Oh, yes!  Yes!  Yes!

(Wedding march begins with applause.)

Johnny - And there it is, folks!  Another successful match!  Please stay with us through our next commercial break and we’ll show you the wedding of the century!

Announcer - Our show has been brought to you tonight by the law firm of Smith & Wesson, specializing in Divorce and Prenuptial Agreements.....

(Music, fade to blackout)

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