I've tried to steer clear of sensitive or controversial topics on this blog because I don't want it to become the center of such things. But every once in a while, I think it's necessary to shed some light on a topic that gets lost in many of the greater issues and debates that get all of the headlines. In this case, it's pre-marital sex.
I find myself getting disappointed in a lot of things the older I get. I really don't want to become a grumpy old man, especially since I don't consider 43 years to be old, but my "old fashioned" beliefs tend to fly in the face of what society deems to be "normal" or "okay". It especially hit home after reading some comments from a blog post by a popular Christian author. The post referred to the on-going Pro-Life versus Pro-Choice argument, but a portion of one of the points he was making had to do with pre-marital sex. The exact quote is, "People are going to have sex before marriage. We have no right to control them. If we want to influence them, we can present to culture the beauty of marriage. That’s a more effective way to influence culture anyway." While his words are admirable, are we just supposed to accept that people are going to have sex before marriage?
Am I making too much of this? Is it really that big a deal? Last I checked, the Biblical language on this subject hasn't changed. I Corinthians 7:2 - "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." And Hebrews 13:4 - "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." Let me emphasize that I'm talking about following God's word on this subject, and am not judging others. I'm questioning the acceptance of others having sex before marriage.
I guess I really must be old fashioned for believing others are following the Biblical lead on sex. My wife and I thought we were doing the right thing by waiting until marriage to have sex. We had both accepted Christ as our Savior while we were teens. We were also both virgins when we married. She was 27 and I was 30. Yeah, that's a long time to wait, but was it worth it? I would emphatically say yes. I truly believe that if one is following Christ, then they know that this is something that Jesus would want them to do.
I shouldn't be surprised that society has accepted that it's okay to have sex outside of a marriage relationship. Even recently, I've had prospective dates on dating websites, even Christian dating sites, expecting me to initiate a sexual relationship (and some don't even want to wait for me to initiate it!), and they are surprised to discover that I don't believe in that. And just to be clear, I'm not a prude. My wife and I had a very fulfilling sex life (as husband and wife). But I had one date actually cry on the phone before we had even met because I told her I would not have sex with her unless we were married. Another woman actually seemed to humor me and said, yes, it was okay if I wanted to wait, but I could tell she was taking it as some sort of challenge, and, knowing how I felt about this, she still tried to tempt me after one particular night out (it was our last date). Has it really come to this? I just don't understand why this is such an important issue with so many that they can't wait for marriage.
I guess I really must have had a sheltered life for believing that there are people who are not engaging in pre-marital sex. I'm still surprised every time someone I know is pregnant or fathers a child outside of a marriage relationship, or if a couple decides to live together before getting married. To me, this isn't okay, but it's not up to me to judge them. I can only judge myself.